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margarita_momma · Mar 23, 2007, 12:04 PM

Can my soon to be ex husband have me ordered to take a drug test during our divorce? He is trying to make me out to be a bad mom so he can get custody of our son so he is trying every thing possible to do it. (I am not a drug user by the way) He is also going to try and have me ordered to have a psych evaluation because he is trying to make me out to be mentally unstable. Oh yeah, let's not forget he is planning on getting my phone records recovered to prove I might be having an affair. He is so sick and twisted that he is trying everything. Please let me know what I can do and if he can do any of the threats he is throwing at me. Thanks

Lowtax4eva · Mar 23, 2007, 12:13 PM

Well if you don't do drugs, agree based on him doing the same, same with the psych evaluation. It might backfire on him and if he refuses now it looks like he's hiding something. I think you might want to get a divorce lawyer, sounds like he's going to try everything in the book on this one.

shygrneyzs · Mar 23, 2007, 04:59 PM

I would say that whatever he tries to get you to comply with, do it. If for nothing elsse, to prove him totally wrong and out of touch with reality. But, as Eva, stated, make it a condition that he does the same things. The drug test, the psych eval, etc. What is sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander, according to my Grandma. She was right too.

If you have not yet procured an attorney - do it quick. Your rights need to be protected.

talaniman · Mar 24, 2007, 07:19 AM

Get a lawyer to help you through this process and make him pay for it>

RubyPitbull · Mar 24, 2007, 02:28 PM

M.M. I am so sorry to see that your troubles have escalated to this point. But, I think you made a very courageous decision to decide to leave. This is just an extension of the controlling behavior he has exhibited all along. Please do what the others have suggested above. Find yourself a good divorce lawyer (talk to friends, family, co-workers, neighbors for a recommendation). Then, make the exact same requests upon him that he is making upon you. It will become apparent to all that are involved that your husband is unstable. He is angry that you won't put up with his crap anymore and he cannot control you. He will continue to threaten. If there is any physical threat made by him, or if you are fearful that it may turn physical, have your lawyer help you obtain an order of protection. Continue to be the strong woman you have been in this situation. Do not let him intimidate you with his empty threats. He will not gain custody of your son if you stay strong and focused.

lacuran8626 · Mar 27, 2007, 10:40 AM

Let your lawyer deal with him. He's just trying to get at and control you. If you don't do drugs and take a test that comes up negative, he just looks stupid to the court. If you are stable and he tries to make you out to be crazy, being evaluated and found stable demonstrates further that he is throwing stones and being nutty himself. So, if the court orders it, don't worry about it. Just go in and put your anger aside and comply with confidence that you are the sane one.

Avoid talking to him at all directly under any circumstance. That's what lawyers are for. If you exchange kids for visitation purposes, see if the court will appoint a third party to intervene so you can avoid him. He sounds very controlling.

grammadidi · Mar 27, 2007, 01:49 PM

Make sure you have a good lawyer. Have your lawyer advise his lawyer that he should communicate through his lawyer to your lawyer about any and all divorce issues. I would suggest, as others have, that you agree whole-heartedly to these demands IF he agrees to bear the costs for those tests.

Personally, I wouldn't stoop as low as him re: requesting he take the same tests UNLESS you know for certain that he will fail. I have seen 23 year old people with severe attachment disorders fool an independent mental health evaluator so be very careful in that regard. The more you fight things the more questionable your character can become. The more you demand (as he is) the more unstable you become. Pick what is important in the big scheme of things. I think you should consider seeking controlled, supervised visitations between your son and your ex-husband.

Didi