[kaitou]

I think marriage fail because:

1. you or your partner (or both) did not develop a strong sense of self identity
2. the two of you do not share similar values and interest. (eg. Goals, attitudes, socioeconomic status, and ethnic backgrounds)
3. the couple is not contributing equally to the relationship.

[Geoffersonairplane]

As far as cheating because they don't attempt to make themselves attractive to you or any of the other things listed above - that isn't a reason to cheat. Those things need to be discussed as things that bother you. If you can not resolve it on your own - then go to counseling.
I really don't think there is acceptable cheating. I think it is black and white. You made a commitment to another person. "forsaking all others" was in your vows. Not- forsaking all others as long as you smell good and look pretty.

I agreed with what you said here NowWhat, I think that this is what separates the brave from the weak in that the weak will run away from problems and choose the easy option rather than doing what the brave will do and face their problems and work on the relationship. I think it also separates the emotionally mature from the emotionally immature too.

[talaniman]

disagrees: Just because someone cheats does not make them selfish and dishonest. The act maybe not the person. Especially when you are unaware of the circumstances.

That's the point, ignorance is no excuse for a bad choice and you should make yourself aware. It would be pretty dumb not to don't you think.

[Geoffersonairplane]

I think that cheating does make a person dishonest and selfish. How could it be any different? To be unselfish would be to end the relationship and then pursue whatever it is you feel you must. Cheating by it's very nature is dishonest and to disguise it by circumstances is just denial of what you are doing and that is no excuse...

I agree with you tal!

[talaniman]

disagrees: Ignorance is an exscuse, until you are there you would not understand

I do not let my emotions blind me into falling for just anything, that is why I have never been there. Nice try but doesn't change the fact that ignorance is no excuse for making a bad choice.

Disagrees: There is allot more to it than right or wrong, the heart does not care about reason

That's why you don't listen to your heart when making choices that are important to your life.

[Matt3046]

Well It's just my opinion, I certainly am not an "expert".
And you do have valid points. But people are not always logical.
And cheating is certainly wrong, I am just saying that sometimes people feel that it is the only option. Sometimes it is not so easy to get out of a relationship. But is it wrong, Yes.
Is it anymore wrong or right than allot of things people do, it's debatable. But It is good to have strong moral convictions, and you should be proud of that. I think the real issue here is that people often don't treat others properly, and keep the focus on their mate.

[talaniman]

Darn it Matt, I was hoping you'd say something I could return your red square back to you, but I agree with what you said-

I think the real issue here is that people often don't treat others properly, and keep the focus on their mate.

All to often when a problem cannot be solved we take the easy way out and that never solves any problems.

[starwarsgal]

Cheating is more common in today's society YES!
Look around, marriage is no longer sacred, the unity of marriage is not COOL.
People throw each other away, look at TV and magazines, the SINGLE life is glorified.
Do you see happy maried people being glorified?
We are flooded with messages of sex, drugs, alcohol,beauty (outter), and sex sex and more sex.
I grew up in a poor country in central america, cheating happens EVERYWHERE and it has happened since the beginning of time. However, today's society is at its low.

[NowWhat]

I agree that a cheater is selfish and dishonest. They are only think of themselves and what feels good in the moment. But, if they knew the heartache that their selfish act would cause - would they do it?
My husband cheated (as I have stated so many times - I am tired of myself!) - when we finally sat down and communicated - I told him everything that was in my heart (I didn't have anything more to lose) and he saw the damage he did to me and our family - it hit him like a ton of bricks. He realized that all of things he had been doing weren't worth what he was about to lose.
Do you think cheaters (and I'm not talking about serial cheaters) would cheat if they truly understood the repercussion of that act?
When someone cheats on a spouse - it isn't just the other spouse getting hurt - there are kids, families on both sides - joint friends, etc. It's like setting a bomb off in the middle of a busy street - it touches everyone.

[Parajr]

Good question. Ive read that cheating percentages are in the upper eighties. I think that suggests that it is common. I think that it has always been common for men. Weomen are just getting in on the action.

[saraispiel19]

I hαte cheαters, I hαte homewreckers-- ugh cheαting!

[NowWhat]

What is said about affairs - you TRULY don't know what you would do until you are faced with it.
Up until recently, I had always said - if someone were to ever cheat on me or hit me - I would leave - it's not up for discussion.
Then, I got a hard slap in the face and I did the opposite of what I thought I would do.

[saraispiel19]

I've been in situαtions where I hαd the opportunity to cheαt but I didn't tαke it, αnd I've been with stupidαss boys in the pαst thαt hαd someone else on the side- when I found out, no girl they were crying αnd begging for me to tαke their trifulin αss bαck-- αnd hitting been there with αn ex. I left his αss- αin't no one in hell gonnα try me like thαt.

Women need to get whαt they wαnt αnd not settle for whαtever is offered to them- sαme with guys, if your girl is αcting wrong get it right or leαve the hoe.

[NowWhat]

I need to clarify one thing - when I said "hit me" - I added that in as, basically, my 2 conditions to walk away.
And when I said "hard slap in the face" I meant figuratively.(a dose of reality)
My husband has NEVER hit me. Cheated - yes, hit - no.

[saraispiel19]

Oo good! I wαs kindα worried there... plus I think cheαting hαs different consequences when your mαrried thαn when your dαting. Essh I'm mαrried αnd I would hαve NO ideα whαt I would do if thαt hαppened [which is NOT:-) ]... I'd wαnt to beαt his αss αnd thαt heffers-grrr >:-|

[gypsy456]

Hi guys and gals.

I see a lot of threads here on AMHD about cheating and the pain and trouble that it causes. I am completely against cheating and believe that a person should be 100% faithful at all times, otherwise get shown the front door and change the locks (so to speak).

This has only happened to me once when I was much younger (17) and it was only a short relationship of a few months. One thing I am 99% sure of about my recent ex was that she never cheated on me and I was with her for 3 years. I think she was scared though that she may cheat because of her desire to explore the single life and go wild for a while..LOL

Anyway, I have been thinking back to that woman many years ago who cheated on me, and even though it was a short term relationship, it still hurt me albeit she was not exactly morally right in the head, in fact she turned out to be a serial cheater..LOL

Anyway...My question is do people think that in today's society, Cheating either physically or emotionally is commonplace?

Basically, would others here conclude that there is a high percentage of cheaters out there? Also, is there a relationship between age and cheating and is it something which you believe that becomes less commonplace with age or something that follows people throughout life?

Just a general question really while I have my thinking cap on!!

I think it's an interesting observation...


We are only human and falling in love or fallling for somebody else is one thing.. what we do with it is a completely different ballgame... it's a choice. I do not believe that "it happened, I did not mean for it to happen"... it's always a choice whether you give into temptation or walk away from it.

I sometimes get the impression that people do not want to fight for their marriage/relationship and let the good things slip away... it's hard to be in a relationship and when you look at the number of divorces nowadays I often wonder whether people really make an effort to save the relationship.

[whydontheluvme]

I think cheating is very common these days. I am not sure that it is more common now than 10 years ago, but it is talked about more now. I do not agree that you are either a cheater or you are not. I think cheating is totally wronf and I could have never seen myself doing it. But about 1 1/2 years ago I fell in love with a married man. I knew it was wrong and tried not to do it but my heart was so in love with him. Another thing I have noticed is that you see a lot of older men having affairs with younger women.

[Geoffersonairplane]

Some great responses on this thread.

Can I ask another question.

In others opinions, would you say that cheating is more common in men or women or is it a 50/50 thing.

Also.. someone mentioned in this thread that a lot of older men have affairs with younger women. Why is that apart from the obvious? Do they see those women as an easy catch because younger women like maturer men or is it something else?

[whydontheluvme]

I would say it is about 50/50 between men and women. I know just as many women that have had affairs as I do men. Not sure why older men go after the younger women. I think a lot of women in their 20's and early 30's like to have an older man. And most men that are older are married. So this may lead to them being with a married man even if they think it is wrong. That is what happened to me. I think messing with a married man is totally wrong but eventually I started having feelings for this guy even though I knew he was married. I have told him over and over that older men are what younger girls like and that older men are smooth talkers.

[NowWhat]

I think men cheat more than women. It could just seem that way because you hear about men more than women.
As far as the older/younger thing - I would imagine that younger women are drawn to an older man because of he is more experienced in life. He could be established, etc. Men in their 20's are trying to work their way up the ladder and may not know as much as someone who's been around the block a time or two.
I think the older man goes for the younger woman to recapture his youth.