[yttrium]

I cry when I am forced to express things in words that have an emotional connection. It is not sad-crying, it is to mask emotions (positive or negative doesn't matter). I can express things with art but not words.
This is interfering with school because there are some writing assignments that are hard because of this. If I am under a lot of pressure I will hesitate to say or write things with even a weak emotional connection. I can finish some things with a writing tutor but I do this only by blocking the emotional connection. If I read my writing afterwards I will start crying. I've tried drawing things first and then trying to put things into words but it doesn't work. I can't "make up" things because I have no verbal imagination (Not going to be helped by reading more books. I already read books faster and I read more advanced-level books than anyone I know that's my age.)
The school did a lot of tests and did not come up with any results that would allow modifications to be made so I am expected to be capable of doing this stuff. I'm currently seeing a psychiatrist but things are moving too slowly. Also it's hard to tell the psychiatrist a lot of things because they have emotional connection and I start crying when I try to say them.
This problem has gotten worse over time and I'm really at a loss for what to do.

[Zea]

You are seeing a psychiatrist, which is great! Things are moving too slow. Well, there is always a downside. Have some patience, I understand the frustration, but all you can do is take things step by step.
Do and try everything your psychiatrist suggests and see how it turns out.
Most importantly is that you should give this a chance before asking for any other help. I mean, who cares if you're making a slow progress as long as you're actually improving?

[yttrium]

You are seeing a psychiatrist, which is great! Things are moving too slow. Well, there is always a downside. Have some patience, I understand the frustration, but all you can do is take things step by step.
Do and try everything your psychiatrist suggests and see how it turns out.
Most importantly is that you should give this a chance before asking for any other help. I mean, who cares if you’re making a slow progress as long as you’re actually improving?

The psychiatrist doesn't exactly suggest a whole lot. I'd like to tell him to take note of every question he asks me that I don't give an answer to or start crying because that would maybe show more clearly which kinds of things are more difficult. But that in itself would be one of the more difficult things. And I'd take note of those questions myself but I don't have that good of a memory and I can't exactly write everything down. And I'd also like to find a psychiatrist that is willing to consider drawing my answers a form of therapy because then I would be able to 'say' things more clearly and also do it without crying (most of the time with the psychiatrist is either spent quiet or crying). And he also doesn't even understand core the problem itself, which is a difference in the way I express things. Which I wouldn't consider a problem if I wasn't failing my classes because of it, so 'improvement' is not the word, 'change' is more like it.
And the psychiatrist that did the school testing understood everything I said perfectly but he's not a real psychiatrist if you know what I mean so I can't just switch to him, and I only talked to him for a short time after I finished testing.

[yttrium]

Um.. hello? Is anyone still reading this? I still don't have answers. I told my mom I want to switch because I'm not getting anywhere with the current psychologist. She said she would look for someone but I've already been through 3 different psychologists and I never want to see any of them again so there aren't really a lot of options left.

[Wondergirl]

Psychiatrist or psychologist? Two different animals.

Find a master's level counselor/therapist who deals with young people and their emotional problems. Be sure to meet with this person at least once a week -- or even twice a week.

[yttrium]

I know the one I'm seeing right now is a psychiatrist and he has a master's. The woman who referred me to him had a PhD and a master's in clinical psychology (her website doesn't specify whether she is psychiatrist or a psychologist) and "specializes in neuropsychology with a subspecialty in children, trauma and balance" and it also says she deals with adolescents, and she tried to convince me that I was crying because I was depressed. I was referred to her by another psychiatrist (psychologist? I don't remember) who actually understood what I said and listened but she mostly dealt with family and relationship problems.

[Wondergirl]

I know the one I'm seeing right now is a psychiatrist and he has a master's.

A psychiatrist is an M.D. and is far above a master's level.

The woman who referred me to him had a PhD and a master's in clinical psychology (her website doesn't specify whether she is psychiatrist or a psychologist)

A Ph.D. level is a psychologist.

Thus --

psychiatrist = M.D. = doctor (has been through medical school and can prescribe medications)

Ph.D. = psychologist and cannot prescribe (although there are changes in that recently, depending on additional education)

Psy.D. = similar to a Ph.D. but without all the research and math, and concentrates on the client/patient situation

M.A. or M.S. in counseling or clinical psychology = one to three years of grad school

Usually, a student interested in psych starts with a bachelor's in almost anything, gets a master's in some aspect of psychology, then may go on to a PH.D. in psychology program (separate or combined with the master's program).

[yttrium]

Ok that clears things up a bit, thanks

[Wondergirl]

Ok that clears things up a bit, thanks

Do you live in a populated area or near one and have master's level choices? Those are the therapists who will spend time with you and will work with you on what you really want and need. They don't work off their own agendas like psychiatrists and psychologists too often do.

[yttrium]

I live in a city with about 90,000 people so not very populated. My mom is looking for a therapist so I can tell her to try to find someone with a master's.
Also I've been researching alexithymia a lot and it kind of looks like it would fit the description. But even though it's pretty well researched it's not considered a real "disorder" so it would not show up on the usual tests, although some of my scores correlate with alexithymic traits, like verbal and opinion problems being exceptionally low.

[Wondergirl]

I live in a city with about 90,000 people so not very populated.

There should be a nice choice of counselors in a city that big. (I live in a village of 53,000 and there are counselors here in town as well as in nearby suburbs.)

Also I've been researching alexithymia a lot and it kind of looks like it would fit the description.

Please do not diagnose yourself. I tried that once with a medical problem and ended up in the hospital with something totally different. My diagnosis was way off the mark. Yours might be too. (The term means "pushing away emotions," being unempathic, and that's not what is going on with you.)

[Zea]

Were you always like this or did something spark this problem? Does anything cross your mind that makes you cry? If there is no reason for it, then take a brain scan instead?

[yttrium]

I guess I was kind of always like this, and no, nothing in particular that makes me cry, just being forced to find words for feelings. I got an EEG because the previous therapist recommended it (the one that said I was depressed) and that resulted in nothing. She also suggested a hormone level test or something but that never happened.
But I guess it wouldn't hurt to get a brain scan.

[Zea]

I was thinking about PET scan. Maybe you should ask if this is possible (I read about it A LOT).

[yttrium]

I looked up PET brain scans and basically it's only for really specific and easily noticeable disorders - dementia, epilepsy, and stroke.

[Wondergirl]

I don't quite understand. Are you saying you can't write stories/fiction? If that is true, you can't even write happy stories?

What would be an assignment you wouldn't be able to do?

[yttrium]

It really doesn't matter if it's a happy story or a sad story or a story that appears to be completely unrelated to me. If it is not 100% factual and objective, it ends up getting some kind of emotion attached to it, which means that it can't be put into words. And even objective things develop emotional connections over time, which means I hate re-reading any of my old assignments.

[Wondergirl]

It really doesn't matter if it's a happy story or a sad story or a story that appears to be completely unrelated to me. If it is not 100% factual and objective, it ends up getting some kind of emotion attached to it, which means that it can't be put into words. And even objective things develop emotional connections over time, which means I hate re-reading any of my old assignments.

So you can do non-fiction writing, but nothing fictional?

[yttrium]

Yup. That's kind of what confused my teachers. I can write lab reports just fine and I love science class but I can't write stories or answer questions about love and Shakespeare so I hate everything in English class.

[Wondergirl]

Yup. That's kind of what confused my teachers. I can write lab reports just fine and I love science class but I can't write stories or answer questions about love and Shakespeare so I hate everything in English class.

Yet you are expressing yourself very well here and even discussing your emotions.