Hubands missing Viagra pills.

jojoslingo · May 28, 2013, 04:00 PM

Hi,

I found Viagra on my husband and we have not had sex in several months. Instead of confronting him right away, I kept the pills where he hid them and counted them on a weekly basis. Well, from a weekend I went away to my mother's there were two more pills missing. I confronted him at this point and he stated ready for this: He gives them out to his friends when they want them. Okay, I'm an educated women and have a good career. I'm sorry but I can't believe that story at all. He's cheating and won't admit it... any input would be helpful.

Cat1864 · May 28, 2013, 05:46 PM

I am going to be blunt: You have your mind made up that he cheated and I don't think anything he says other than, "Yes, I did" is going to satisfy you. He may never admit to anything. So what do you want to do? Leave him or try counseling?

Were you looking for evidence to support any suspicions you had when you found the Viagra? Why didn't you ask him instead of waiting, counting and trying to catch him?

Yes, it looks suspicious and his story seems strange, however, I am getting the impression you have been looking proof for quite a while. If so, then it doesn't matter if the pills were the final nail or lipstick on his collar and condom in his pocket were.

If you don't trust him, I don't see a reason to stay, do you? If you think there is a chance the marriage can survive and you are willing to give it a fighting chance, look into marriage counseling.

odinn7 · May 28, 2013, 06:45 PM

I'm going to agree with Cat as usual but I also want to add... perhaps he used them for masturbation while you were gone... something to think about.

JudyKayTee · May 29, 2013, 06:05 AM

" He's cheating and won't admit it...............any input would be helpful."

Yes, I'm going to agree with Cat's insightful post. You already "know" he's cheating and won't admit it to you.

My input? All trust is gone. You certainly don't trust him. You've given him reason not to trust you.

I have no idea where you go from here, other than out the door.

(I'm an investigator. Men do have Viagra prescriptions and do sell/give the medication to other men - and sometimes they get arrested for doing so.)

Oliver2011 · May 29, 2013, 06:33 AM

Posted by JudyKayTee;

My input? All trust is gone. You certainly don't trust him. You've given him reason not to trust you.

I agree with Cat and Odinn - but the above sums up this entire relationship.

And I can't imagine a relationship with my partner if there is no trust. At that point, what is the point?

Congrats to Sherlock Holmes - you have cracked the caper. And now the relationship is done.

joypulv · May 29, 2013, 08:23 AM

I know of a man who uses them to masturbate...
I almost hesitate to say it. You are already convinced he cheats, so if you confront him with this, and he admits that he didn't want to admit to that, you aren't going to believe him!
See what snooping did? You can't win now. The relationship is doomed.

talaniman · May 29, 2013, 08:23 AM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

(I'm an investigator. Men do have Viagra prescriptions and do sell/give the medication to other men - and sometimes they get arrested for doing so.)

I know women that sell them for $5 bucks a pop. :)

Fr_Chuck · May 29, 2013, 08:25 AM

If he needs Viagra, he will need it for masturbation if he wishes to be hard. But also, yes, sold illegally there is money in them, and men who get a prescription, often sell them to friends a pill or two here and there.

But I want to address the other issue, NO SEX for two months, and you already don't trust him, why not sex ?

JudyKayTee · May 29, 2013, 08:35 AM

How are women getting the Viagra? Stealing from the boyfriend, husband?

Stuff of a Pharmacist's nightmares.

joypulv · May 29, 2013, 11:17 AM

Doctors give samples away for free.
Maybe all a woman has to do is whimper about how her man is too shy to ask.

The whole ED thing makes me fume - those drug companies PUSH the drugs on TV constantly, give samples away, and even got the feds to get them covered under Medicare. Why do they get away with spending tax dollars on TV ads?

jojoslingo · May 29, 2013, 03:25 PM

Hi Cat,

Okay, I get you. But here is the real situation. I did not look for the pills or wanted to find them. They were actually found by my daughter (23) and she did not know what they were. I have been happy in this marriage and unhappy (like most marriages). I looked the pills up and I was actually very hurt. I know we were going through one of our down phases and to find this was devasting to me. There have been other instances as well; like grooming his private area. (not for me) which raised suspicision but I would just blow (no pun intended) it off. Finding these pills were an eye opener to maybe I'm being betrayed. I think its sad for after 20 years of marriage I have to sell my home (he won't get out) and take my 15 year old son out of his school to another one over this. Heartbreaking;

We all want to be with an honest guy that treats you with respect (he lacks in this area) and to find this out was not what I wanted in anyway.

Sad

Cat1864 · May 29, 2013, 03:53 PM

Originally Posted by jojoslingo

Hi Cat,

Okay, I get you. But here is the real situation. I did not look for the pills or wanted to find them. They were actually found by my daughter (23) and she did not know what they were. I have been happy in this marriage and unhappy (like most marriages). I looked the pills up and I was actually very hurt. I know we were going through one of our down phases and to find this was devasting to me. There have been other instances as well; like grooming his private area. (not for me) which raised suspicision but I would just blow (no pun intended) it off. Finding these pills were an eye opener to maybe I'm being betrayed. I think its sad for after 20 years of marriage i have to sell my home (he won't get out) and take my 15 year old son out of his school to another one over this. Heartbreaking;

We all want to be with an honest guy that treats you with respect (he lacks in this area) and to find this out was not what I wanted in anyway.

sad

I agree it is sad and I wish you weren't going through this.

It does sound like this was the final straw. However, before you leave the house and make major changes to your and your son's life, consult a divorce attorney. You need to know what your legal rights and responsibilities are.

Since you do have a child who is affected by this, you might consider family counseling to try and make it as easy for him as possible. It may be difficult but try not to let your children get in the middle. I know they will probably pick sides. If you can encourage them to stay neutral and let you and your husband work out the details.

No matter what you decide, we are here if you want or need more advice. We have great volunteers in Family Law. If you choose to ask a legal question, start a thread and let them know your general location (it lets them know what laws apply) and the details (be ready to answer any questions they might have.) You only need to start one thread and keep all the details there.

As strange as it may seem, some people have found it helpful to read and answer other poster's questions. It can also help to know you aren't going through this alone.

Good luck and I hope everything works out the best for all of you.

joypulv · May 29, 2013, 04:00 PM

Get to the bottom of your fears: hire a PI for the next time you go to your mother's, and go soon.

JudyKayTee · May 29, 2013, 06:30 PM

How about sitting down and telling "him" what you've told "us." This is a long-term marriage with ups and downs. You are concerned about the lack of intimacy (and sex isn't the only intimacy); suddenly his grooming habits have changed; where did the prescription for Viagra come from and why? I'd be calm and understanding - what if, just what if, he got the prescription for use in your bedroom and Viagra doesn't work for him. Now he's embarrassed.

Or if he got it for someone else, now is the time to tell you.

I'd tell him you are thinking divorce/separation. Your present family income is going to have to support two homes, not one.

I'd get to the bottom of this.

And, yes, I'd consult with a matrimonial attorney (if there is an affair it isn't going to matter much because the Courts don't want to hear about adultery and in 99.9% of the cases it doesn't enter into the "who gets what" part), and if you want names, hire a PI.

Jake2008 · May 30, 2013, 08:35 AM

Assuming that he went to the Doctor for a prescription, then filled the prescription, then used the prescription, why would he need to hide the fact.

If the Viagra were to improve his and your sex life, he would have had no reason to hide anything.

Sounds to me like he is cheating, and with or without the pills found, it would have come to light sooner or later, that he has something/someone on the side.

I do think that you should confront him with everything. The no sex or intimacy, the disappearing Viagra pills, the pubic hair grooming, etc. There is enough just in those three topics that require some truth on his part. Talking to him, and allowing him the opportunity to explain himself will help you accept and understand him, in order to make a decision on what to do next.

You aren't imagining things. It is what it is. And with what you have not said, as to the health of the marriage itself, I imagine you have a lot on your mind that needs to be talked out.

Best of luck to you.

jojoslingo · May 30, 2013, 04:34 PM

Thank you all for your input; my son is devastated. I'm devastated. Don't know what to do but clearly he is cheating; I did sit down with him and he will never admit it; he stated he got the pills for friends that were too embarrassed to ask for them. Okay brain here!! Like I stated, I found them but did not confront him at first and waited and then some were missing. I'm going to get advice from a divorce attorney shortly.

Thanks for all your input.

Much appreciated.

JudyKayTee · May 30, 2013, 08:41 PM

I know your daughter found the pills - how did your son find out?

Oliver2011 · May 31, 2013, 04:34 AM

Isn't it possible that he has an ED issue and bought the pills to see if that improved his condition? If he was having an ED issue and was starting an affair, the affair might spike his libido to where he didn't need the Viagra. If he was having an ED issue and wanted to see how his body reacted with Viagra I can see him not wanting to talk about it with anyone, including his doctor.