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Alaurabail990 · May 21, 2013, 07:56 PM

Okay, so this is a tough/confusing situation.

My husband and I have only been married for about a year. Collectively we have been together for only three years. Two months after we began dating, we found out I was pregnant. We have a perfect, beautiful daughter. But everything happened VERY fast.

He has a friend who I have not been able to stop thinking about since we were first introduced. I feel drawn to him, I think he is flawless, and we have so many things in common. I have no idea if his friend feels anything for me, but I can't help but wonder because of our connection. There is something about him that is familiar and comforting to me, I can't explain it :/

I do love my husband, and I care about his well being very much. He is an amazing father, but not the greatest husband. I am far from perfect too. I have not felt attracted to him sexually since before our daughter was born. I feel guilty for resenting the way he acts sometimes. He talks down to me on an almost daily basis, I have just grown used to it sadly. He has gotten physical with me multiple times throughout our relationship.

Should I attempt discussing my feelings with my husband? Or continue to admire from afar? This situation is emotionally exhausting. I don't want to break apart our family, that is my priority. I want our daughter to see us both happy. I just don't know what to do :/

Any help would be appreciated!

odinn7 · May 21, 2013, 08:26 PM

You say he talks down to you and he has gotten physical... you mean he has hit you? This is not going to go away on its own. Hitting leads to more hitting and harder hitting.

J_9 · May 21, 2013, 08:29 PM

So you want your daughter to grow up thinking that a man talking down to a woman, and getting physical, is normal? You want her to be abused when she grows up the way you are?

You aren't happy. You can't hide this from children, they are so much more receptive than you could ever imagine.

You and your husband both need counseling. Both separate counseling as well as couples counseling. If that does not resolve your issues it would be time to part ways.

Alaurabail990 · May 21, 2013, 08:30 PM

Originally Posted by odinn7

You say he talks down to you and he has gotten physical...you mean he has hit you? This is not going to go away on its own. Hitting leads to more hitting and harder hitting.

He has :/
I know it's not acceptable at all, but my entire childhood was filled with abuse. So I feel numb to the whole situation.

J_9 · May 21, 2013, 08:32 PM

You want your daughter to grow up thinking this is normal? You want her to witness the abuse?

Think about this for a minute. Your childhood was filled with abuse, now your husband is abusing you. What do you want for your daughter's future? More abuse?

Alaurabail990 · May 21, 2013, 08:33 PM

Originally Posted by J_9

So you want your daughter to grow up thinking that a man talking down to a woman, and getting physical, is normal? You want her to be abused when she grows up the way you are?

You aren't happy. You can't hide this from children, they are so much more receptive than you could ever imagine.

You and your husband both need counseling. Both separate counseling as well as couples counseling. If that does not resolve your issues it would be time to part ways.

You're definitely right on that. I would be heart broken if she ever felt that this is the norm for relationships.
I have actually been in and out of therapy since I was about seventeen :/
I appreciate your input.

Alaurabail990 · May 21, 2013, 08:35 PM

Originally Posted by Alaurabail990

You're definitely right on that. I would be heart broken if she ever felt that this is the norm for relationships.
I have actually been in and out of therapy since I was about seventeen :/
I appreciate your input.

Obviously I want better for my daughter.
I want to pack our and leave, not looking back.
Things are not that simple. I can't just go, that's not realistic.

J_9 · May 21, 2013, 08:36 PM

The best thing would be counseling. If that doesn't work, then divorce. But as far as the "friend," he is off limits completely. You are harmed, you are an emotional wreck (whether you believe it or not). You need to get healthy for you and your daughter. You need to get this man out of the picture entirely.

Alaurabail990 · May 21, 2013, 08:40 PM

I'm definitely mentally damaged. And yes, I agree that I should probably heal before I think about perusing anyone else.
My husband refuses counseling, he refuses talking about feelings all together.
Sadly, I can't force him to do anything.
I just hope things get better in the future.

odinn7 · May 21, 2013, 08:44 PM

Originally Posted by Alaurabail990

Obviously I want better for my daughter.
I want to pack our and leave, not looking back.
Things are not that simple. I can't just go, that's not realistic.

My sister said that too... over and over as the abuse got worse and worse over a 7 year period. She finally decided it was enough when he dragged her through the house by her hair and smashed her head off the toilet hard enough to break the bowl.

There's always a way.