[Homegirl 50]

I wish you well.

[Mjhill]

She admitted with the friend. The same one she stayed over with. That they have hooked up since our break. Also once while we were still together. So many lies and deceit. We still have yet to see each other in person but will have to to discuss the living situation. I'm extremely hurt, but yet have closure knowing there is no way we would work. For people who have dealt with a similar situation. How should we deal with being around each other?

[talaniman]

I would have her stuff packed and ready to go. No more false hope.

[Mjhill]

She is so stubborn she won't leave
She doesn't care. I know her.

And we are stuck in a lease till August 1

[talaniman]

Dude, pack your stuff and leave and cover your lease responsibilities until its over. Or ignore her totally and make her a polite roommate sharing expenses. I wouldn't be there no matter what it costs.

When is the lease up, and what's your part?

[Mjhill]

Basically because rent is paid forward a month. I would owe one full months worth of rent until August. That would be my #1 option but I would need to find a new place which would delay things an indefinite amount of time.

She agreed to a face-to-face conversation (after being MIA and me being in a hotel), when it will happen I don't know. We will talk about what we will do. She is avoiding deciding when (because she knows I am mad and "over" her and the entire situation) Plus, even though I have figured "the worst" out I still have questions for her.

[talaniman]

At the risk of coming on to strong it wouldn't matter what she wants to do or when, I would be protecting my own interests, and the hell with hers. You have the fact, she come and goes and has hotels as options and such, so go have her removed from the lease and can you afford to stay alone there?

If not then its evident you are out after August any way. Start today to get your ducks in a row no matter what her plan is. Handle your business. Cry later. Be mad later.

[Mjhill]

So me and my ex-girlfriend dated for 3 years and she said she wanted a "break" about a month ago in which she said we could date other people, as well as working on us. I told her be honest with me, in the sense so I would know that her mind was not in it.

Long story short I discovered through my own doing not an admission by her that she lied to me and was doing stuff during the break and also cheated on me once to my knowledge during the relationship.

Originally I was fuming mad. I didn't understand it. I wanted to mess stuff up(pg version), tell her off (which I did through text). And wanted her to get out of my life.

We also live together both under a lease till August. I have cooled down in the 5 days since, told her I still hated the way I was treated and that lies and cheating are incredibly inappropriate. And we both agree we are over. But for my own conscience forgave her because if I harbor so much anger it will be longer to get over her

When we had a face to face conv. In out apt. Honestly I looked at her and didn't hate her at all. We were not screaming, talking at a mature level. Dealt with things she cried and I held her and we hugged for a while. People tell me I should hate her guts? Is it wrong for me to feel thisnway after I was treated like that?

[Oliver2011]

Heck no. You handled it well when you said " We were not screaming, talking at a mature level. Dealt with things she cried and i held her and we hugged for a while."

Think about it - you had a relationship that didn't work out. We have all been there and we all survive those. "Hating" her or any other type of negative response harbors too much negative energy and isn't a good mindset to have. You stayed positive and in the long run that will be the best thing for you.

Just live and learn man, that is why we are here.

[joypulv]

Hate is actually rare. Save it for child molesters and despots and injustice.
Anger in relationships is what comes after hurt, in my opinion.
Most of us have a remarkable ability to forgive.
Just be aware that after these hugs, sometimes recriminations come out when there is a petty disagreement. You have 2 months to find out. Good luck.

[Mjhill]

I don't doubt that. Still quite possible arguments will come. Everything is still fresh. I actually started our conversation with some harsher words. And then calmed myself down.

[Mjhill]

Me and my ex just broke up. We were together 3 yrs. We had gone on a break in which we decided we would work on our shortcomings and could date other people. She developed an f.w.b. (with no emotional connection she says) Relationship with a friend with whom I figured out she cheated on me one time with (kissing).

We both still have feelings for each other. She has texted me in the middle of the night many times saying she knows I am the perfect one for her and that she hasn't moved on emotionally yet. She has cried gotten emotional and taken full responsibility for her actions. I have forgiven her for my own good and made it known that if she works to gain the trust lost and continues to build that. I will hear her out and never say never to a rekindling of a relationship.

I went away this weekend and met other girls. I came back and she was clearly jealous. I told her this is what she had wanted. Date other people. She had found an f.w.b. And I had met other people. Yet when I mention I still love her and she needs to make a gut decision on whether she wants to make it work. She keeps on insisting I need to see other people and that she needs to let there be time for it to sink in (that I am seeing other people).

I know in her gut she wants to make it work. She is not over it Can I make it more known that I feel the same. By doing anything in particular? Or do I just leave her be? Or am I receiving mixed signals?

[talaniman]

Still looking for a way to salvage this fiasco huh? She is still pushing you away but yet you just can't let go completely. Have you packed her stuff up yet?

[Homegirl 50]

Leave this girl alone. If she wanted to be with you she would. Stop the texting, stop all contact with her and move on. Clearly she has. Pack her stuff and be ready to put it out in August. This girl is playing you like a fiddle at her whim.

[Mjhill]

I did. But she is having none of it. She has no where to stay consistently (her f.w.b doesn't like it when she spends too much time over there lol.) We are both toughing it out under one roof. I haven't completely let go. And I know she is jealous of me, seeing others and unhappy where she is at and has told me it has been harder for her to let go and that she is not completely over it. I tell her act then go with your gut and try to start to make trust amends and we will see how it goes.

She has yet to act. Anything else I should do without seeming desperate?

[Homegirl 50]

"She has yet to act" That should tell you something. She created this mess, it's her problem. I would only be the roommate, I would only speak when necessary and would have no other conversations about the relationship. It no longer exist. Stop letting her yank your chain. You are already seeming desperate.

[odinn7]

She's playing with you and you're allowing her to do it.

My take on this whole thing:
She found someone else... this "fwb"... but I believe he is more than fwb or at least she wants him to be. So she is interested in him, stringing you along in case she can't get it to work out with him. She can always call you to her like a good little puppy if he doesn't work out.

This is nothing new. People have been doing this for a long time. You're not a special case here as it happens way more than you would think it does.

Let her go, tell her she wanted to end it, you are ending it and that's all.

[brittanythomas]

It means you love her unconditionally

[zh11]

You love her and probably will for a while. You can forgive but don't forget. Even though you do love her, the problem remains. But life is too short to be angry or lied to.

[Konnect Life]

I can't believe no one has pointed out what he was doing wrong YET! I won't even get into all that due to lack of time in addition to not feeling like getting into it at the moment and the fact that it's already beyond too late to fix things. However, I'll just say this! Next time, DON'T do ANY the same things you did this time when a woman tells you she needs space. Once she says she needs space, it's NO CONTACT and you go complete NO CONTACT until SHE reaches out to you...

Also, NEVER agree to be "just friends."

The moment I read that she said she needed space, I already knew what the problem was and what was going on. Then came the silly excuses... then even after everything was blatantly put in your face you were still in denial about what was going on.

I'm not criticizing because I have to admit that I was the same way as you and used to lose the girl by doing the wrong things that I thought were right, EVERY time.

Anyway, I would give tips on how to get her back, but too much damage has already been done. You've already allowed her to remain in contact with you and use your things and keep you around in the background as she slowly uses you to get over you while she dates someone else.

This is typical "nice guy behavior" and the saying "nice guys finish last" doesn't exist for no reason... Think about it.

Next time, go NO CONTACT and LEAVE HER ALONE when a woman says she wants space. No, I am not a natural at this. I had to learn from others who knew what they were doing, and one of the best coaches I learned from was Coach Corey Wayne. He has the BEST advice (I've heard so far) AND since he puts it on YouTube I get a lot of info without having to purchase anything. If I were you, I would search "Coach Corey Wayne" on YouTube and first listen to "Nice Guy Finishes Last.... Again" and "When She Starts Pulling Away." etc.

By the way, after reading this, I think today I will go out and leave my girlfriend home alone because she has asked for breaks in the past and I know I'm on the verge of being around her too much based on certain behaviors she is displaying right now. However, in this case, she isn't cheating or seeing anyone else - and I know this for sure. My situation is a little more complicated - she is on the bipolar spectrum... It's hard to read her and apply the psychological rules for attraction with her, but one thing I know is that when she starts pulling away, I need to pull away more and give her space and do nothing more until she indicates that she wants me around again. Back in the day, I would've kept trying to pursue and fix things and talk and hope to win her back - WHICH ONLY pushes away the girl MORE - ion EVERY situation.

If she needs space, STOP EVERYTHING and it's "ok, bye" and you leave (or let HER leave) OR even better, say this:
"Well, whenever you're ready to get back together again let me know, but I'm not interested in being 'just friends' with you. I look forward to hearing from you. Bye."

The ONLY proven method to get her back MOST of the time is letting her go and letting her realize what life is like without you. Any time you keep contact and chase or try to talk and persuade, you are HELPING her solidify her decision to leave. This may not make any logical sense, but women are emotional creatures and emotion isn't logical. Therefore, you cannot use your logical brain or logical thinking to win a woman or get her back.

If anyone doesn't believe me, then good luck, but I can guarantee that it will always be a long uphill battle trying to date or keep a girl if you don't know what to do and how to do it correctly. I am still learning myself and even with the knowledge I have now, I would not consider myself a "natural" or "expert" yet. The fact that I found this page through Google means I have some sh*t to get together myself...

Good luck.