[Zea]

Hello everyone!

Let’s keep this long story short: So there’s this one girl who has mental issues, I don’t know what precisely.
I know you might ask for a proof so here it is: She behaves in a weird manner; for example, when she turns in her homework, which is a blank piece of paper, the teacher would still give her credit for it. It’s not exceptional in her case, so it’s no big deal. She is highly sensitive to noises, and laughs for no reason. There are other things, but you get my point.
I don’t talk to her; I've never dealt with someone like that. It’s not like she wants a friend anyway.
Now, there is this guy who sits in front of me. He picks on her whenever he gets a chance. He would make weird noises with his mouth, call her name repeatedly, and things like that; which drives her crazy because I told you she’s sensitive and all.
I would tell him to turn around and mind his own business. But he would say, “It’s none of your business, so stop meddling” He is so provoking that I want to punch him in the face sometimes…however, that is just a momentary feeling, I would never do something stupid like that.
Sometimes he would talk to me like nothing is wrong. And yeah I would answer him the same way too. What should I do? I mean you can say... That he…maybe, sometimes, with certain people… is nice.
The other students, apparently, don’t care. They would, however, turn and stare when we engage in this kind of situation.
None of us is like a raging fire, we are calm. Also, the teacher kind of knows and she tells him to stop. But he is so sneaky, that he can get away with anything.
Don’t tell me not to interfere like him, do as the majority because the majority is always right, or anything like that because, simply I won’t.

Would you do nothing like all of them? If not, then tell me what should I do to make him quit this childish act?

[Wondergirl]

He's a bully. Go to the principal.

[joypulv]

Agreed, this is out of your hands for the most part, so call it to the attention of adults at school, and show some friendliness to the girl by way of support.

You will realize as you get older that you don't 'make' people change. You can have an effect on people with requests, suggestions, criticism, praise, being admired, and setting an example, but what they do with all that is going to depend on a lot more than what you bring to the equation.
Rather than saying something (critical) when he is bullying her, wait for a time when no one else is listening and say something along the lines of 'I admire and respect people who show compassion for people less fortunate than themselves.'

[Zea]

Thank you all for responding.

Glad to hear this. I kind of started to doubt myself, because everyone else seemed so careless. I can't believe that I was going to let him continue. I know that we are all here to help her; this thread was made only for her.

It's weird that I was there, and I didn't know that he was bullying her. I don't think I can make out the difference between bullying and anything else sometimes. Maybe the others didn't know that too, maybe that's why they didn't do anything. Maybe if they knew, it would've been completely different.

You are right I can't change him, I know I can't. He just doesn't listen, or take anything seriously. I tried to tell him sometimes but in vain. A change for me and someone else has a different level of difficulty (depending on what we want to change). By telling him to stop, I am asking him to change a habit. I don't think my words can make him change. I say that because it hasn't worked so far.

'-and show some friendliness to the girl by way of support.' Well, she doesn't speak to anyone except for the teacher. The only think I help her with is when she drops a pencil or a pen (not really any kind of help); so I would pick it up and put the pencil (sometimes it's a pen) back on her desk, she does not acknowledge me. So I would just leave her alone. I thought it would be a great way to start a conversation, but I can't do it while she ignores me.

I've never reported anyone in my life. Do you think that they would listen if I told them? Or will they need a second opinion? Maybe I should take someone with me, like a student?

Edit:I don't understand what does, 'Reputation' have to do with pressing the 'Helpful' button.
Actually, the 'helpful' button works for every one except for you, joy, I don't know why.

[Wondergirl]

Do you think that they would listen if I told them? Or will they need a second opinion? Maybe I should take someone with me, like a student?

Print out this thread and take it with you. I am the one who first called him a bully -- and verbally abusive -- and he very probably does this with others. I'm a psychotherapist/counselor and have worked with students and their families and their schools/teachers, so I have the credentials and the experience in knowing what this guy is doing to this girl and probably to others. He needs to be stopped. Other students go along with it basically out of fear of rocking his boat. After all, who wants to get on his bad side?

And please let us know how this plays out.

Edit:I don't understand what does, 'Reputation' have to do with pressing the 'Helpful' button.

If you click "Helpful," the recipient gets what we call a greenie which gives "reputation," meaning the level of reliability of that member's answers go up a notch. Other questioners can then feel confident that that particular person's response have merit.

[talaniman]

I would tell him to turn around and mind his own business. But he would say, “It's none of your business, so stop meddling” He is so provoking that I want to punch him in the face sometimes…however, that is just a momentary feeling, I would never do something stupid like that.
Sometimes he would talk to me like nothing is wrong. And yeah I would answer him the same way too. What should I do? I mean you can say... That he…maybe, sometimes, with certain people… is nice.

Instead of answering him the same way, seems that's when you should talk to him directly about his bullying. He may not like it, but neither did you, did you?

[joypulv]

What about my suggestion for what to say to him, something positive?
You can't give someone a Helpful if you have just given that person too many recently. 'Too many' is actually very few.

[Zea]

“Print out this thread and take it with you. I am the one who first called him a bully -- and verbally abusive -- and he very probably does this with others. I'm a psychotherapist/counselor and have worked with students and their families and their schools/teachers, so I have the credentials and the experience in knowing what this guy is doing to this girl and probably to others. He needs to be stopped. Other students go along with it basically out of fear of rocking his boat. After all, who wants to get on his bad side?”

I would say no one. You know, people like him usually don't have loyal followers, yet it seems like many would just love to hang out with him.
Thank you very much. Your advice is very helpful.

"And please let us know how this plays out."
Quote:
"Edit:I don't understand what does, 'Reputation' have to do with pressing the 'Helpful' button.
If you click "Helpful," the recipient gets what we call a greenie which gives "reputation," meaning the level of reliability of that member's answers go up a notch. Other questioners can then feel confident that that particular person's response have merit."

Well, problem is that after I submit my answer I pressed the 'Helpful' button, Joy's first, but it said Oops…Than I pressed yours, and it worked! I don't know why. Does this happen with everyone else? It happened maybe once or twice before, and only with Joy no one else; weird right?
“You can't give someone a Helpful if you have just given that person too many recently. 'Too many' is actually very few.” I didn't know that. Still, I've 'liked' only twice if I can remember well. It didn't work the other times. Maybe it's just as you say.

“Instead of answering him the same way, seems that's when you should talk to him directly about his bullying. He may not like it, but neither did you, did you?”

I don't know what kind of pleasure this would give anyone. I never liked it when he bothered her that is why I felt like smacking him. Again, I would never do that. I can't believe that he just can't see what he does is wrong. That is why I hated telling him over and over again. There are about thousands of things I want to tell you. BUT I would rather dodge giving my opinion as much as possible right now. (I know I've said a lot already). If I tell you what I want than I will sway myself to lock all your opinions and stay silent.

Honestly speaking, I never thought that he was bullying her; I didn't see it that way. I just thought that he was being annoying because sometimes he can be nice. I would hate to report him, and get him into troubles. I wish there is another way, but this isn't about what I want it's about that girl and everyone else WG said might be bullied by him. Maybe I should do as you and Joy say before giving up all hope.

“What about my suggestion for what to say to him, something positive?” Sorry, I forgot, I am so nervous now. I think I will try this before reporting him, like you and Tal said. Yes, that is what I will do. If this doesn't work I will do as WG suggested.

Your advice are all very helpful. If I can't 'like' to show my appreciation than I hope my invisible gratitude is enough for the others.

[Zea]

“And please let us know how this plays out.”

Just want to let you guys know that last Tuesday (he was absent that Monday)…he got caught by the teacher. She's an impatient type of person, so without giving him any warning she moved his seat right away. And now he is not bothering her, the student, anymore. Well, obviously I underestimated how much the teacher cares.

“I am the one who first called him a bully -- and verbally abusive -- and he very probably does this with others.”

You were right WG; I saw him do it.
He tried to mess with one guy, but that person ignored him and so he did the same. That is all he can ever do. If someone ignores him, than he will do the same. The only thing that doesn't stop moving is his mouth; he is not physically bullying anyone. I am 100% positive. You just know when you know the person.
He might be doing this to someone, like you said, (maybe verbally but certainly not physically bullying) but I can't accuse him of something I can't see him doing anymore. No matter how sure you are that'd still be a mere suspicion.

[Wondergirl]

Thank you for letting us know what happened.

Yes, a bully can be emotionally and verbally a bully too (not just physical), and usually has more than one victim. I have an in-law relative who is an emotional and verbal bully, and the family has suffered for years with his nastiness and cutting remarks (he thinks they are cute). I finally told him off and told him what he has been doing to us all these years. He was shocked and horrified, but he's back to his old ways.

[Zea]

Thanks for sharing. And I am sorry that some people don't understand how much their words can hurt others.