[where did i go wrong]

I didn't call her, as drunk as I was I still wasn't prepared to hear what she might have had to say...
Sorry to scare you all like that!
brucealmighty thanks heaps for your advice, its good to hear from someone going through the same thing, and the way you describe everything is exactly how I feel...
So thanks guys...

[cutos]

Probably she is also confused & keeps thinking of you so she just thought she would text you to see how your doing.. I do it ALOT:) GOOD LUCK

[where did i go wrong]

prolly she is also confused & keeps thinkin of you so she just thought she would text ya to see how your doin..i do it ALOT:) GOOD LUCK

Tell me your story, did it help to be in contact, or make things worse?

[Skell]

I can't speak for cutos but I can almost guarantee you that it will make it worse. I can tell you my story if you like.

After 7 years she broke up with me. I begged, pleaded, cried everything. Nothing works. Being in contact only pushed her further away. The more I tried, the more I contacted her, the more I reached out the further away she got. Until one day she was completely gone and I was left with absolutely nothing but wishing I had of cut contact and began to heal a helluva a lot earlier.

You will only do the same. Im not saying you will never talk to her again, but right now it will only do you harm. She isn't going anywhere. She won't forget you. Just leave it be for a while until you are in control of your emotions!

[brucealmighty]

Ahh, I remember going through those same thoughts Skell. The last time I was in contact with my ex, I felt like my happiness depended on her, on listening to her, knowing how she was.

I decided (stupidly) to try to be her friend, even though she was already seeing somebody else, hoping that she would eventually see for herself that I was the one that she really loved. (how naïve of me).

But after 2 days, I felt as if I was the day-friend and she only contacted me, or talked to me when she wasn't with her current boyfriend. I invited to her to lunch, hang out after work and she always found an excuse not to do it.

I then figured that if I kept that pace, she would eventually start showing more limits and then ultimately push me away completely. Or maybe her boyfriend would tell her to choose, me or him, and obviously she would be choose him. So I said, what's the point? Why not start healing now instead of running blindly against the wall and smashing into a million pieces?

Most of the times we know the answer, we just don't have to strength to carry them out.

And finally, I want to share some things I've learned in this journey:

"pain is inevitable, suffering is optional"
"we always like to think that we're gonna be the exception, but in reality we should treat things as if they're not"

[where did i go wrong]

Most of the times we know the answer, we just dont have to strenght to carry them out.

So true...

[Skell]

Good to have you here bruce. With wisdom such as yours I'm sure you can be of great help to many that come here needing it!

Stay on your path where did I go wrong. It will get better. Avoid too much drink too. It doesn't help. Been there done that!

[iscorpio]

If you think that she is this malicious, ask her what she hopes to achieve. If you still think that she is gloating then tell her, thanks that she left you because you are well rid of her and that you pity her next partner and tell her you are moving on with your life. Trust me, if this how it is to be then you will move on when the time is right, you will find someone that to you is beautiful, someone whose beauty comes from inside. I wish you all the happiness, you have to live through sadness to appreciate real happiness. You will be fine smile, rise above it, today is the beginning of the rest of your life x

[where did i go wrong]

Aaahhhhhhh
I just got home from a night out, not a huge one, just me and my mate went to a pub, had a couple of beers and a good laugh. On my way home I was feeling great, thinking I'm having fun without 'her', this is getting easier after all...
Famous last words...
I get home and log on to my email and there it is, in my inbox.. "becks movements" an email from the ex...
I haven't read it, I don't want to, but there's also something stopping me from deleting it... I'm so curious, I want to know what happening, even though I'm 100% sure its going to make me feel worse...
I think I know what its about, its one of those emails you send to all your friends to say that 'im doing something cool'. I knew she was moving, I just didn't want to know about it, not now! I know your all going to say delete it, I guess I'm just venting... gees, why does she feel the need to 'update' me, why would someone be so heartless and after breaking up with someone, send them an email saying that they've moved on and their life is looking rosy.. .

Aahhhhh... I was having a good night... now my heads full of thoughts again...

[alizeblu]

i agree with iscorpio, why else would she text you had to be on her mind otherwise she would never have text!!!

Yea, but there's no way he's going to get her back right now. There's just no way, OK she misses him, SO. Didn't she break up with HIM?

NO CONTACT. She doesn't deserve his love, he already begged, its about time she reaped the consequenses of her actions.

[alizeblu]

just want to say thanks to everyone that has replied to my posts, your support and advice has been fantastic in aiding my recovery... it still hurts but its getting easier...

so yeah, now a week NC on my part, she sent me ANOTHER text today. thats 2 in 4 days.
"Hi! did u get my msg last week? Well i hope work is going ok. Let me know how u are and ur arm is. Please"

So.....
I know what u mean iscorpio, that she is thinking about me, but replying as a friend is just what she wants. she probably just wants me to say 'yeah im doin ok' to make herself feel a little better.
im past the denial stage and into the anger stage, she turned my life upside down, why would i wanna make things easy for her...?

Spoken with true logic.

See how taking a step back and looking at the bigger picture benefits you in the end?

That's what I'm talking about!

Let her emotions tear her apart, as you have everything under control.:cool:

with no contact, this will continue. whatever happens, he needs to contact her and settle this once and for all. i think he's to the point where he'll be able to handle this with direct confrontation. she may be hurt, but she'll no longer be able to hurt him.

Naaaaaaaaaa, he doesn't need to do that, alls he needs to do is sit back and relax, its no point in MAKING a situation how you want it to be, just let it unfold naturally, she'll come back.

Watch.

Look everybody, it's the right thing to do, OK? You want to hear it from me? Yea, she broke it off with me, I cried, I tried, I begged, I pleaded, you know what she said to me!

WHY can't YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! I HATE YOU!

Shocked tha hell out of me, also made me think.

I loved this girl unconditionally, never cheated on her, didn't even cross my mind she was cheating on me.

Then she started crying, this was before I found out she was cheating on me.

This was in the beginning when SHE asked for the break.

You see, SHE wanted the break in the 1st place, so me trying to stay thinking we can make it, BLINDED by my love for tha slut, I kept trying to get her back. But she never accepted me. Never openend back up to me.

So, what you need to understand is that it DOES NOT WORK.

You can keep trying to get them back, nothing will change.

That's why you can't do anything but wait it out, NO CONTACT.

I did it, come to find out it didn't matter anyway, found out she was cheating, gave me the upper hand, and dropped her like a sack of rocks.

So you see, NO CONTACT is the only way you can really know for sure if she loves you or not.

If I didn't use the NO CONTACT clause, I probably would be in a worse position then I am today.

[alizeblu]

I don't know, what do you guys think?

[talaniman]

aahhhhh... I was having a good night... now my heads full of thoughts again...

Do nothing absolutely nothing. Don't read this email until you.ve had a chance to calm down and get some rest. Read it then delete it. Don't answer it.

[talaniman]

Lets be clear, No contact is the time you take to heal your feelings and emotions, so you can see things clearly and make better decisions, base on facts and not emotions, and not to get someone back in your life. Once someone dumps you and you try to get your act together it is of no consequence to you what their motives or feelings are, and you have a right to get your head together, whether they agree or not. Don't put yourself second in this situation, and do what you need to do for you. At this point it doesn't matter what they want, do what you need for you!!

[alizeblu]

Yea uhh but guys, he still loves the girl. I say this is the best decision if he does, ultimatley want her back, she may realize what she is doing and come back to her senses, but she may also just do the same thing and just not talk to him again, we don't know, what we do know is that, she's contacting him after SHE wanted the break.

There's no reason for him to confront her right now, it'll only get worse. I strongly suggest you let everything that concerns her go until she comes running back to you Begging for YOU back.

[Zeus2007]

Wow Decisions decisions. She continues email and has escalated her behavior. How abouttis Check raise, check raise, check raise again, She is all in now. Does he go for it or fol? Hmmmm what are his cards? She wants a reaction? She want to get back together? Hmmmm How about this he sends an email and says hey listen what do you want from me you broke it off with me now you want to be all cool and salve your conscious with friendliness? I have not read your email and not sure I will. Best wiahes John doe. Wow all in on his part. Does she respond? Does she think WTFis this guy crazy? My point is either fold your cards or keep playing you don't hold much of hand right now thoough.

[alizeblu]

Hmm...

[talaniman]

There's no reason for him to confront her right now, it'll only get worse. I strongly suggest you let everything that concerns her go there's no reason for him to confront her right now, it'll only get worse. I strongly suggest you let everything that concerns her go until she comes running back to you Begging for YOU back.

Agree with every thing but this part

until she comes running back to you Begging for YOU back.

Wait until he is healthy enough to deal with this based on facts and not confused feelings

[alizeblu]

Agree with every thing but this part

And why not? Its only fair that she comes running back to HIM, I mean this guy put his feelings out there for her and she just blows him off.

Why shouldn't she come running back? He begged for her right?

Its only fair.

"alls fair in love and war"

[talaniman]

and why not? its only fair that she comes running back to HIM, i mean this guy put his feelings out there for her and she just blows him off.

why shouldnt she come running back? he begged for her right?

its only fair.

"alls fair in love and war"

An emotional response as this will do his healing absolutely no good and serves no purpose in the process of healing. The purpose is to get healthy, not even. I never recommend revenge as a way to heal.