[WifeAirForce]

I have been married to my husband for three years. He is a member of the United States Air Force. I moved all over the United States in the last three years and we finally settled down to one spot... for now. The problem is this: I don't have my driver's licence, car, job, etc and my husband won't help me get it. I have no money and no way to get my licence without assistance. Ideally, my husband would help by allowing me to use his car for practice and teach me how to drive. I don't have any friends or acquiescence here and we live on base so I have no way to get on or off base even if I did find someone to help. These circumstances are making it extremely difficult for me to have any independence financially or personally because I cannot get a job on base and it is over a mile and a half just to get off base, let alone to walk to a town. Needless to say, I'm getting frustrated and I've even been to the point of tears today, after my husband humiliated me on the phone when he was around his coworkers while we were discussing options. I feel like he is restricting my ability to become independent as well as constantly humiliating me and belittling me in our relationship. I cannot say or do anything without him screaming at me or correcting me to do it "the right way". I have wanted to leave our relationship but I cannot because I have no where to go and my family was abusive to me so they are not an option. Can someone please help me figure out what to do?

[odinn7]

He is controlling you... you are right when you say you need to leave him. Surely there must be someone you can turn to?

[WifeAirForce]

He is controlling you....you are right when you say you need to leave him. Surely there must be someone you can turn to?

Sadly there really isn't. I have no friends or family (that wasn't abusive). I feel so trapped. :'(

[ScottGem]

Base wives usually band together. Talk to some of the wives (your neighbors) and enlist their help.

[odinn7]

Shelters in the area? I'm sorry, I know what you should do but can't help you with how to do it.

[WifeAirForce]

Shelters in the area? I'm sorry, I know what you should do but can't help you with how to do it.

:(
Honestly I've given thought to going to a shelter but I just don't think I can do it.

[odinn7]

I think the answer Scott gave you is something you could look into. It's the way I would go at this point if I were you... it can't really hurt to try.

[WifeAirForce]

I don't know any wives on base, and I wouldn't know how to approach the situation. I tried contacting the chapel and they told me they could help me move into a shelter but I really don't think I could do that. I don't know. I wish it didn't boil down to living in a shelter. I'm not sure I have much of a choice though.

[ScottGem]

I don't know any wives on base, and I wouldn't know how to approach the situation. I tried contacting the chapel and they told me they could help me move into a shelter but I really don't think I could do that. I don't know. I wish it didn't boil down to living in a shelter. I'm not sure I have much of a choice though.

You don't have to know them. From what I know they band together. How long have you been on the base? Did you ask the chaplain about wives groups? I suspect you weren't asking the right questions. Do you want to end your marriage or do you just want to get some independence?