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jazzcat37 · May 10, 2013, 07:51 AM

I have a situation with 'annoying' children. Although that was the first word that came into my mind, they have been living with me (their dad and I just moved in together) for about a month and a half - and I completely realize now, they have such a N-E-E-D for love and attention, I have learned to explain to my girls that they weren't raised like you were. They have to learn how to follow rules and be content without tapping your shoulder and calling your name every 2-3 minutes. Patience & love. I keep telling myself and my kids PATIENCE & LOVE - that's what we are capable of and we can teach them in a positive way how to behave appropriately.

I guess it really does work because its been three whole days without time outs from disobedience and not listening. I'd never seen kids behave like this. They are very sweet and loving, but choose to not listen or follow directions often through-out the day. Every single day it's the same things. The 6yr old gets in trouble for repeating the same behaviors and getting into stuff, make-up, toys, anything she can touch - It reminds me of when my kids were 2 & 3. I'm stern but loving with direction. I've taken away special toys and given time-outs. I've had caring conversations explaining error and correction and consequences. I don't know if she is just 'bull-headed' like her dad says or if she has no 'control' over it... It has been a very very trying month and a half. My 10 yr old who is extremely patient and caring is at her limit because she thinks his girls are 'so annoying'.

Advice?

JudyKayTee · May 10, 2013, 07:55 AM

You've lived with them for a month and a half. What is their Dad's position on you being the disciplinarian? Where is he when they are misbehaving?

Kids push boundaries. That is probably what they are doing.

I have 5 stepchildren. I've been there.

jazzcat37 · May 10, 2013, 08:33 AM

Thank you - good advice... their dad does correct them, however he gives them many many warrnings and they don't really believe him until he actually DOES anything about it. When he does, wow, he makes me want to sit still and behave lol.
I don't want to step on his toes in is parenting, he's a man he's had full custody of his girls since they were babies, he is very protective.
Time and Patience - that's what I'm trying to remember. But my anxiety is pretty peaked right now.

JudyKayTee · May 10, 2013, 09:04 AM

I know, it's rough. I also know in my case there were times when it was unfair to the children for me to think in this manner... but they are NOT my children. They are HIS children. I was getting tied up in knots over family dynamics - and they weren't my kids.

Children can change a relationship. I found it was difficult to never have time alone, always have kids around. (I have no children.)

I guarantee the kids are going to test you - and I guarantee you as a working single parent it's easier for him to let things slide and then explode than to deal with the kids and their behavior on a daily basis.

emangiselle · May 10, 2013, 11:26 AM

You have the right attitude, patience is needed. My mother used to try and use our childlike energy against us and WEAR US OUT. We didn't have a lot of money so we would go on scavenger hunts to find things in the woods, blue rock, black bird feather, yellow flower. You get the picture. Mostly it is adult time, attention, and love the kids are craving. Your visit will end soon enough and you'll have found that you made a good impression on the kids and taught them a thing or two. Children learn by example. You seem to be a good role model.

JudyKayTee · May 10, 2013, 11:39 AM

"You have the right attitude, patience is needed. My mother used to try and use our childlike energy against us and WEAR US OUT. We didn't have a lot of money so we would go on scavenger hunts to find things in the woods, blue rock, black bird feather, yellow flower. You get the picture. Mostly it is adult time, attention, and love the kids are craving. Your visit will end soon enough and you'll have found that you made a good impression on the kids and taught them a thing or two. Children learn by example. You seem to be a good role model."

This isn't a visit - the person who asked the question lives with the children's father, and he has sole custody. I thought her question was more about discipline and attitude than keeping them busy.

What am I missing?

Wondergirl · May 10, 2013, 12:08 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I thought her question was more about discipline and attitude than keeping them busy.

What am I missing?

I think keeping them busy is part and parcel of discipline and maintaining her sanity. My mom always says, "Idle hands are the Devil's workshop," so she always made sure we were doing our chores or playing verbal/board games or building things or helping her in the kitchen or pulling weeds in our family garden or whatever (andnot sitting or hours in front of the new-fangled invention called a television). All of that taught us cooperation with each other, understanding of our parents' authority, and knowledge of how things work. It also made us great babysitters and parents years later!