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lifeseeker75 · May 1, 2013, 12:08 PM

For me I’ve always had in my mind that a wife/husband is supposed to love, honor and cherish one another. As some of you may have read, my spouse and I took a week vacation to Mexico and it was well needed. Long story short, the resort we stayed at is an all adult resort (clothing optional) NO RISKY BUSINESS!! There were a few couples there that choose to share their public affection more than others. Thus my spouse felt the need to do so also. Now I do not mind holding hand on the beach, kissing, or even groping each other respectfully in public however these couples had 1 tequila, 2 tequila…too many. We kissed and held one another as we relaxed in the Jacuzzi but he wanted to do more… keeping it PG-rated he wanted to have sex in the Jacuzzi in broad daylight in front of other people. I strongly expressed to him how uncomfortable I would be and I did not want to do such thing, he got a little irritated with me. He started talking about all that he do for me and I asked why I could do that one thing for him. Is he crazy or what is the deal? Help guys? Ladies what are you’ll opinion on this? He’s been acting funny since we got back from out trip.

Oliver2011 · May 1, 2013, 12:15 PM

Well did you know you were going to that kind of place beforehand or was that a surprise too?

I would expect him to respect your wishes. I would go further to say that he should have discussed this before going to this place. As a guy I wouldn't be comfortable doing it in public. But not talking to me beforehand - that is almost inexcusable.

odinn7 · May 1, 2013, 12:21 PM

He's an idiot.

slapshot_oi · May 1, 2013, 12:24 PM

He's an idiot.

ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to odinn7 again.

Odinn7 nailed it. You're husband is a bonehead. He needs to understand that his fantasies aren't necessarily yours.

Let him throw a pity party until he gets over it.

Oliver2011 · May 1, 2013, 12:27 PM

Originally Posted by odinn7

He's an idiot.

You never cease to make me laugh.

Cat1864 · May 1, 2013, 12:40 PM

Discussing and sharing fantasies is one thing, acting on them is another. He crossed a line when he expected you to go along with his desires without getting your permission first. Permission given after a discussion of boundaries and when not involved in the act.

I do have to ask how much alcohol was involved in his 'attempt'. Alcohol and hot tubs do not go well together when it comes to making wise decisions.

Could he be acting funny because he is embarrassed about his behavior? Are both of you acting a bit different? Have you tried talking to him now that you are back in the real world?

JudyKayTee · May 2, 2013, 09:09 AM

I read your other posts - I don't know why you're still with this guy.

Other than that, you know his fantasies. You agreed to go to a "clothing optional" resort. I don't know what you expected.

lifeseeker75 · May 4, 2013, 03:18 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I read your other posts - I don't know why you're still with this guy.

Other than that, you know his fantasies. You agreed to go to a "clothing optional" resort. I don't know what you expected.

I expect him to respect my wishes, I didn't see nothing wrong with going to the Resort its not all about sex there just people letting their hair down not to mention enjoying a full body sin tank, great food, and wonderful ocean breeze. But as I mention before it was all about me comprising. But comprising always gets me in an uncomfortable rut. I'm actually going to have a talk with him this evening about his behavior... I'm finally ready to tell him basically flight right or move on.I don't want to feel guilty anymore about his insecurities. Im not afraid of being along again. Just don't want to love in silence anymore. Thanks. Oh by the way I ask myself why I'm still here sometime too...

angeltri · May 4, 2013, 03:22 PM

Honestly I am glad you held your stand. He should not make you feel guilty for not doing what you didn't feel comfortable doing. Also, it is very childish of him to mention all the things he does for you, to try to blackmail you into doing this.

lifeseeker75 · May 4, 2013, 03:30 PM

Originally Posted by angeltri

Honestly I am glad you held your stand. He should not make you feel guilty for not doing what you didn't feel comfortable doing. Also, it is very kchildish of him to mention all the things he does for you, to try to blackmail you into doing this.

I totally agree, thanks

angeltri · May 4, 2013, 03:35 PM

Originally Posted by lifeseeker75

I totally agree, thanks

When I first started dating my husband he had fantasies of doing it from the back if you know what I mean. I always kept saying no and he would still ask. He finally stopped for maybe a year and one day he asked again. I told him why he kept asking me to do something I did not feel comfortable doing. He apologized and never asked again. 4 years later still hasn't asked

lifeseeker75 · May 4, 2013, 03:43 PM

Originally Posted by angeltri

When i first started dating my husband he had fantasies of doing it from the back if you know what i mean. I always kept saying no and he would still ask. He finally stopped for maybe a year and one day he asked again. I told him why he kept asking me to do something i did not feel comfortable doing. He apologized and never asked again. 4 years later still hasnt asked

Something similar here years ago was asked but he was able to let it go so much more easier. That request is small compared to some. But its good he stop asking... and I'm sure its still in the back of his mind

Fr_Chuck · May 4, 2013, 06:15 PM

He will most likely always have that fantasy and may ask again, but you say now, most likely he figured if you were OK with being naked in front of others, doing some other things, also, you would just go into the other part of sex also.

I can understand his thinking, but you have to set the limit of where you will go and be clear to him

lifeseeker75 · May 4, 2013, 06:47 PM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

He will most likely always have that fantasy and may ask again, but you say now, most likely he figured if you were ok with being naked in front of others, doing some other things, also, you would just go into the other part of sex also.

I can understand his thinking, but you have to set the limit of where you will go and be clear to him

I understand, I daily myself for allow myself to exercise the idea even thought it was just talking. I want him to be able to cone to me and share his thoughts but share his thoughts and opposing then on me are two different things. Thanks

dontknownuthin · May 4, 2013, 06:56 PM

I second the "he's an idiot" opinion. Personally, the clothing optional resort would have been a no-go for me. Not only do I not wish to be naked in public, I don't want to be grossed out by a bunch of other naked people either. I think about 2% of the population look better naked than they do clothed. I don't want to look at naked people when I'm eating, don't want other naked people in the pool with me, don't want to see people's bits jiggling at the shuffle board - ugh, no thanks.

As his expectation of public sex, that's a huge thing to ask and pretty much everyone I know would say "no" to it. His childish tantrum when you refused his request shows a really low level of maturity that goes beyond one incident - he has to be really below average in his intelligence and maturity to set public sex as an expectation when you never discussed it or consented to it.

Alty · May 4, 2013, 07:37 PM

Originally Posted by dontknownuthin

I second the "he's an idiot" opinion. Personally, the clothing optional resort would have been a no-go for me. Not only do I not wish to be naked in public, I don't want to be grossed out by a bunch of other naked people either. I think about 2% of the population look better naked than they do clothed. I don't want to look at naked people when I'm eating, don't want other naked people in the pool with me, don't want to see people's bits jiggling at the shuffle board - ugh, no thanks.

As his expectation of public sex, that's a huge thing to ask and pretty much everyone I know would say "no" to it. His childish tantrum when you refused his request shows a really low level of maturity that goes beyond one incident - he has to be really below average in his intelligence and maturity to set public sex as an expectation when you never discussed it or consented to it.

Water out of my nose! I got the visual of ugly people's bits jiggling and laughed myself silly. I'll never play shuffle board again. ;)

lifeseeker75 · May 4, 2013, 07:42 PM

Posted by Alty;
Water out of my nose! I got the visual of ugly people's bits jiggling and laughed myself silly. I'll never play shuffle board again. ;)

Hahaha

JudyKayTee · May 5, 2013, 07:48 AM

"I expect him to respect my wishes, I didn't see nothing wrong with going to the Resort its not all about sex there just people letting their hair down not to mention enjoying a full body sin tank, great food, and wonderful ocean breeze. But as I mention before it was all about me comprising. But comprising always gets me in an uncomfortable rut. I'm actually going to have a talk with him this evening about his behavior...I'm finally ready to tell him basically flight right or move on.i don't want to feel guilty anymore about his insecurities. Im not afraid of being along again. Just don't want to love in silence anymore. Thanks. Oh btw i ask myself why I'm still here sometime too..."

Oh, please - laughing.

People can't let their hair down, enjoy great food, enjoy ocean breezes with their clothes ON?

I was a bikini waitress back in the day. Men didn't go to the bar because the cocktails were especially flavorful. They went because there were bikini waitresses.

I've also gone to topless beaches. I've walked on nude beaches, never been nude.

Take a survey - I venture to say a lot of men are interested in nude beaches so they can enjoy the ocean breeze (or something). I don't have any female friends who look forward to a vacation watching men with no pants on play volleyball.

talaniman · May 5, 2013, 09:05 AM

A man (and a woman) should be able to share and ask of their partner the things in their fantasy without acting like a big baby when its rejected (nicely of course).

JudyKayTee · May 5, 2013, 09:16 AM

While I very much agree about the "big baby" part, I don't think I'd take a partner who has expressed some rather specific fantasies to a candy store and not expect him to enjoy the candy. Is the "sex in front of other people" quite a step from being nude and looking at other nude people? Certainly.

I just wouldn't have gone to the candy store in the first place.

For that matter I don't want to be "respectfully groped" in front of other people.

Of course, I'm not sure I'd still be in this relationship.