[anuj1989arora]

My girlfriend broke up with me 2 weeks back(April 2013). We were in this relationship from last 4 years and 6 months(November 2008). She said she is not happy with me and wants to be single again.

We started dating in college, and we left college in June 2011. I went to work, while she joined her job 6 months later, and luckily in the same city. I was very depressed due to some family reasons and I didn't talked much about it to her. I was not able to give her enough time with my demanding job of an Analyst.

I decided to leave my job and decided to do something that I would love to do rest of my life, and would be able to enjoy rest of my life with her. We both knew that we want to marry each other. So, I left my job in June 2012 to study for an exam and came back to my hometown. So our relationship turned into a long distance relationship since then. I was occupied with a lot of stuff from last six months(my brother was getting married, my mother was ill, and I had to study for my exam for which I left my job), and that is when we probably started drifting apart. For the little time we talked, I turned very possessive about her.

I met her last in Feb 2013. I went to meet her and her behavior was absolutely normal. I left her at her home. We kissed good night, everything was normal.

But, we had a fight last month and we didn't talked for two weeks. And when I called her after 2 weeks, she got very angry and starting telling all my faults from the start of our relationship. I too got angry and advised her to leave me if I am bothering her that much. So when I cooled down and called her the next day she told me that she has decided to move on. She said she was happier in those two weeks when we were not talking to each other.

I tried to convince her for the next 2 weeks, but all went in vain. She came to meet me in person and literally begged her to come back. I tried holding her hand and she just jerked my hand off, I was devastated to see that. I called two of our common friends to try and convince her. She said she has been through enough pain when we were together and don't want to come back ever again. I was not able to control my emotions and I cried in front of them (I never cry, never :( ). She wanted to be just friends but told me that if that makes things difficult for me she would not talk to me.

I sent her a mail next day claiming everything to be my fault. Telling her that I would be waiting for her forever. She told me that she would think about it.

But next day when I called her, I was again crying and she talked to me. She told me that she is confused about everything and for the next two weeks we talked on the phone as friends. I went to her city last weekend, and when I asked her to meet me she said that she was not interested. When I came back, I called her and asked her that why is she talking to me on the phone but not interested to meet in person. So she told me that she was talking to me because she was feeling guilty that I might ruin my career because of this breakup. I have a very important exam coming up next month (I left my job to prepare for this exam). She also told me that she does not have any feeling left for me and has decided to move on.

I am not talking to her since then. Am I doing the right thing by not talking to her (As you call it the no contact). I miss her a lot.

Please reply.

[odinn7]

Let her go... it's over. Begging and breaking down in front of her will not make her come running back to you.

You are only hurting yourself by keeping up with this. The best thing you can do is just forget about the whole thing and move forward with your life. Contacting her will make you hurt longer.

[Oliver2011]

I totally agree with odinn7. It takes 2 people to decide to have a relationship and unfortunately she has decided not to have a relationship. We have all been through breakups and survived. You will too. It hurts, but moving your life forward will start you on the healing path.

[anuj1989arora]

Yes.. I am trying to move on.. I try to keep myself busy. I play tennis daily, learning guitar, and also preparing for the exam. But our past just crawl back into my mind somehow and leaves me depressed again.

Questions like would she ever miss me? Would she ever come back? Keeps cropping up in my mind.

[Oliver2011]

"I play tennis daily" - awesome. Me too for the most part.

If you are trying to move yourself forward, forget those questions. Ask new ones like "Who can I meet next" or "what better attributes in a guy do I want this time around". Turn them around to be more positive.

[talaniman]

You were together for 4 years and planned a future, and that's something that will take plenty of time to adjust to after all the dramatic changes that have occurred. Think in months and years, not days or months.

Questions like would she ever miss me? Would she ever come back? Keeps cropping up in my mind.

These are normal and common questions after a break up and hard as it is to believe she is probably suffering as you are and will for some time to come. I think she has made up her mind however and will stick by her decision. Sorry.

[J_9]

No. Threads cannot be deleted.

[J_9]

No. Reporting the thread doesn't work. Once a thread is posted it becomes property of the site.

[anuj1989arora]

A common friend of ours sent me some text messages. And she asks that how am I doing on my preparations regarding the exam, which is due in 3 weeks. When I asked her that did my girlfriend asked her to inquire that from her. She told me yes!

Now why would she want to know that if I am dead or alive? Why would she care now? Please, I have already hurt myself a lot. I have not slept in last 10 days (1-2 hours sleep a day).

[talaniman]

I tried to explain to you a few days ago that when you get dumped you are devastated, and most times, so is the one who dumped you. She may indeed be worried about you and needs to be re assured she has not made you go nutsy bozo and ruin your life.

That's very common and natural for us humans to be concerned about an ex we dumped and spent so much time with. However its in your best interest to tell her friend (and her) to leave you alone because any contact from them gets you stuck on stupid, and false hope.

We call it NO CONTACT and its applied to her friends, and family as well as the one who dumps you.

[anuj1989arora]

The person who contacted me is a common friend and she has been supportive this whole time. She honestly told me that my girlfriend has asked her to inquire.

I guess you remember that she talked to me for 2 weeks after break up because she felt guilty that I might ruin my career because of this breakup. When we were talking for these 2 weeks she used to talk to me normally. Asking my advice on everything and discussed about her day. But there were no sweet talks.

Even when I fell sick during that time, she used to inquire about my health and medication a lot. If she just doesn't care about me, why fake it?
And if she care that much about me, then why leave me?

[talaniman]

Dude, have you not been listening? She may have concerns for you, but they are not enough to be in a relationship. Now simply do you both a favor, and stop all this contact with her and that includes with her friend.

The three of you are only keeping those old feelings stirred up and YOU will bear the brunt of this. She will assuage her concern by making sure you are all right, and YOU will stay stuck on stupid and not see he truth. She may have good intentions in checking on your well being, but the results, as we see, are more confusion by YOU!!

Its up to you, and only you, to stop this confusion, and stop THEM from contacting YOU. Do the right thing for YOURSELF!

[odinn7]

I think you're a lost cause simply because you are not listening to what is being said here and you keep clinging to false hope. I've seen this before... even IF she got back with you, it would only be for a short time and then the problems would surface again and then you would be out again... and then you would need to start healing all over again.

Let it go before you make things worse for yourself.

[garboozle]

TRY to just be friends with her. You have to try. Be light hearted, breezy, and care free with her to show her that she's not hurting you or ruining your career. Speaking of which, you should focus on your career BIG TIME. If you can maintain just a basic friendship with her over the next year or so and you manage to have high success in your chosen career, she may want to be with you again because everyone loves a winner.

[anuj1989arora]

Thanks a lot for your advice guys. I have told my friend that I am trying my best and I hope that I make would come out as a winner. :)

During the first few days after the final chat that we had, I was not able to process that she has dumped me. But, now my mind mas accepted that. Now I am not thinking that she might/might not come back, because I do not have any control over her. And even if she would come back it would be a different story. I should not think ahead of me this time. :)

But everything that has happened in last 4-5 years just creeps in my mind now and then and I am feeling guilty for everything that has happened. If I would have seen those signals(now I can clearly see them) I could have saved everything. It is me who destroyed this relationship. I am just not able to make peace with my guilt.

I am trying to study, but it is getting very difficult to concentrate. I have not slept in days. Please any advice that I can sleep well for some time. I do not want to take any medicines.

[talaniman]

A nice work out and two aspirin and go to bed.

[garboozle]

Chamomile tea possesses anti-anxiety properties and is often used in alternative medicine for stress and anxiety. Also lavender has calming effects when used in aroma therapy. Also, as mentioned by Talaniman working out helps reduce stress.