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talaniman · May 1, 2013, 10:07 AM

I suspect you have had a growing attraction or crush on this fellow for a long time, and he knew it.

Adrian3102 · May 1, 2013, 11:27 AM

If I tell someone what will happen. I get it I have to tell so it doesn't happen again but what happens then? I'm worried we don't live in a big town I'll see him again and he'll be angry then. He said not to say anything. Everyone will know! Will my parents even believe me. I don't want them to be ashamed of me if they even believe me anyway I suppose I better suck it up and do it maybe today

emogirlheart · May 1, 2013, 11:44 AM

First off let me give you some details about myself because we can relate. I'm fifteen years old and I have been raped twice so I must ask if you wanted "it" or not. Did you want him to kiss you? Did you want to have sex with him? I know what it's like to be raped... and it's honestly the worst thing you will ever experience. It will stay with you until the day you die. It's something you have to live with. You have to learn to cope with it though. But most of all you need to tell someone... But until you do, matters will just get worse... Believe me...

Alty · May 1, 2013, 11:45 AM

Originally Posted by Adrian3102

If I tell someone what will happen. I get it I have to tell so it dosn't happen again but what happens then? I'm worried we don't live in a big town I'll see him again and he'll be angry then. He said not to say anything. Everyone will know! Will my parents even believe me. I don't want them to be ashamed of me if they even believe me anyway I suppose I better suck it up and do it maybe today

After you tell comes the tricky part. I'm sure your parents will believe you, you're their child. Proving that it happened may be harder. That's up to the police, that's not your problem, or something you should worry about.

After that, it depends on what the police and the DA decide (not sure if you have a DA in Australia, or what the equivalent is). They'll decide whether to press charges against him for statutory rape, possibly grooming a child, or coercing a minor, etc. etc. If he's convicted you won't have to worry about him being mad, he'll be in jail, where he belongs.

If he's not convicted you can get a restraining order against him. You shouldn't be afraid. Once the adults are aware of what happened, they'll make sure he has no access to you.

You're doing the right thing by telling your parents. Remember, you can always just show them this thread, they can read what happened, and then decide what to do about it.

Good luck, and let us know how it goes.

Alty · May 1, 2013, 11:47 AM

Originally Posted by emogirlheart

First off let me give you some details about myself because we can relate. I'm fifteen years old and I have been raped twice so I must ask if you wanted "it" or not. Did you want him to kiss you? Did you want to have sex with him? I know what it's like to be raped.... and it's honestly the worst thing you will ever experience. It will stay with you until the day you die. It's something you have to live with. You have to learn to cope with it though. But most of all you need to tell someone... But until you do, matters will just get worse... Believe me...

It doesn't matter if she wanted him to kiss her, or if she wanted to have sex with him. According to the law she's not legally allowed to make those decisions. He's an adult, she's a child. The law protects children from things like this. It's statutory rape, which isn't the same as being forced to have sex against your will.

Cat1864 · May 1, 2013, 12:17 PM

Adrian, it may not be your word against his. There might be physical evidence.

How long ago did this happen?

Did he use a condom?

Have the clothes (especially panties) you were wearing been washed? Were you wearing a coat or jacket that doesn't normally get washed? Even your shoes might have trace evidence.

JudyKayTee · May 1, 2013, 12:18 PM

"Did you want him to kiss you? Did you want to have sex with him?"

Sigh - I guess the FACT that the OP cannot legally consent doesn't matter.

Again, sigh.

ScottGem · May 1, 2013, 12:27 PM

Originally Posted by Adrian3102

If I tell someone what will happen. I get it I have to tell so it dosn't happen again but what happens then? I'm worried we don't live in a big town I'll see him again and he'll be angry then. He said not to say anything. Everyone will know! Will my parents even believe me. I don't want them to be ashamed of me if they even believe me anyway I suppose I better suck it up and do it maybe today

Again, show them this thread, let them read it and it will help them understand what happened and how you feel. I doubt, after reading this, they will feel ashamed of you. Like I said, maybe disappointed, but they will realize you fell prey to a predator.

So what happens next. Your parents should take you to the police or the local equivalent of a prosecutor. They should ask to speak to an officer or prosecutor familiar with rape cases (preferably female). They will go over the case with you and determine whether there is sufficient evidence for prosecution. At this point everything will be confidential.

Do you have any physical evidence? For example, did you launder your sheets since it happened (f you didn't put them aside in a plastic bag immediately).

If they determine there isn't enough evidence, they may decline to prosecute and that will end it as far as you are concerned. Otherwise this is whether it will get tougher. He will be arrested and charged. However, I think people will side with you. People will detest pedophiles and sexual predators.

It will not be easy, make no mistake, but it will be worth it, because it will help you hold your head up high.

Aside to emogirlheart

As Alty noted, it doesn't matter whether she wanted it or not, even if she encouraged him. She is under the age of consent which means she can't legally consent. The only thing here is whether she can prove it happened. Once that happens, its rape.

dontknownuthin · May 1, 2013, 05:39 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

I suspect you have had a growing attraction or crush on this fellow for a long time, and he knew it.

I think this is an irresponsible thing to say and does the opposite of helping the situation. Whether she was attracted to the guy or not, he acted in a predatory manner and it's not her fault.

I would like to reassure you that you were caught up in something you weren't ready for, because an adult designed the situation that way. You know it's wrong, which is why it has bothered you, and why you came on this site. But you are putting your concern in the wrong place.

You don't want to embarrass or do anything to disrupt his life, but he has disrupted your life in a huge way. Men who do this once normally have a pattern of behaviors and there is nearly a zero chance that he hasn't done this before. Next time he may act with force, or he may start threatening to do bad things if you tell. You need to tell your parents now.

This is not a confession on your part. A bad thing happened to you - a man put you in a bad situation and manipulated you, and you were working for he and his wife. Did you know that if even if someone did this to an adult who worked for them, they would be at risk of prosecution for sexual harassment? Just the fact that you worked for him puts him in a position of power so even if you were 25, what he did would be wrong.

You want to give someone the benefit of the doubt who acts recklessly and without concern for others. He certainly didn't treat you with respect. He cheated on his wife and children. He certainly did not show your parents proper respect. This man is a father, and he took advantage of someone else's young daughter. What kind of person does that? He may seem perfectly nice but we need to judge people by their actions, and his actions are predatory.

You will be less confused when you talk to your parents. If you don't want them to prosecute, that's another decision but you cannot let this event stand between you and your parents, and you do need counseling as well as medical attention to make sure he did not expose you to any health issues, so your parents really need to know. When we ignore things like this when they happen, the impacts come out in our lives one way or another - it can be hard on your relationships with other people, future dating relationships, your self-esteem, grades, lots of things. It can cause anxiety and depression, etc. But if you tell your parents, and get some counseling for what you experienced, you can learn how it happened that you were manipulated when you are such a smart young lady, and can restore your sense of self, avoiding the negative things that can come up if you ignore the situation.

Many of us telling you to tell your parents ARE parents. We would very, very much want our teenagers to tell us something like this so we could help them. Give your parents the chance to be there for you.

Adrian3102 · May 1, 2013, 07:51 PM

I showed my mum this thread she read it then walked away she didn't say anything. She didn't say anything I don't know what's going on. I'm such an idiot I shouldn't of told her she hates me. I'm not coming out of my room I hate myself so much I've

I really can't do this I just want to disappear. I should have never have slept with him

Cat1864 · May 1, 2013, 08:06 PM

Originally Posted by Adrian3102

I showed my mum this thread she read it then walked away she didn't say anything. She didn't say anything I don't know what's going on. I'm such an idiot I shouldn't of told her she hates me. I'm not coming outta my room I hate myself so much I've

Adrian, I don't think she hates you. She is probably in shock. She is also probably very angry and upset-not at you. She may be trying to calm down and/or talk to your father before she says anything to you. Give her time. Remember this is very new to her and she had no warning.

How long ago did you show this to her?

You need to do something to help change your thought pattern from a negative to a more positive direction. What are some thoughts and things that help you calm down? Music? Reading? Art? Writing? Exercise?

talaniman · May 1, 2013, 08:19 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman
I suspect you have had a growing attraction or crush on this fellow for a long time, and he knew it.

I think this is an irresponsible thing to say and does the opposite of helping the situation. Whether she was attracted to the guy or not, he acted in a predatory manner and it's not her fault.

The implication was that she was caught off guard by a predator who exploited her feelings. That's what predator do. There is no guilt or shame in being over whelmed by a superior experienced person.

Encouraging help to confront the predator. Glad she did. It won't be easy, but hopefully empowering.

Adrian3102 · May 1, 2013, 08:35 PM

I showed my mum a while ago now she still isn't talking to me but I haven't been out of my room. I can hear her down stairs with her friend. I just want to runaway I feel terrible why won't she say anything? She probably thinks I'm a slut I hate to even imagine what dad will say I am not going to be home when he finishes work he'll probably yell at me I wouldn't blame him though

I need to get out of here I need a drink or something I can't deal with this anymore

Wondergirl · May 1, 2013, 08:42 PM

Originally Posted by Adrian3102

I need to get outta here I need a drink or something I can't deal with this anymore

Go downstairs and talk with her.

Adrian3102 · May 1, 2013, 08:56 PM

I went down stairs and asked if I could speak to her. Her friend said I had to go to my room my mum will speak to me later. It was a bad idea showing her

Wondergirl · May 1, 2013, 09:07 PM

Originally Posted by Adrian3102

I went down stairs and asked if I could speak to her. Her friend said I had to go to my room my mum will speak to me later. It was a bad idea showing her

No, I don't think it was. Hang in there. Wait for your mum to talk with you.

Adrian3102 · May 2, 2013, 05:14 AM

This is the worst day of my life. My dads yelling my mums crying and nobody's talking to me but I can hear them. I must be the most Dumbest person ever. I wish I could get out of here I need to just leave

JudyKayTee · May 2, 2013, 09:14 AM

Can you go to a relative's house? What are your parents saying?

Wondergirl · May 2, 2013, 09:16 AM

I echo Judy. What are they saying?

ScottGem · May 2, 2013, 09:25 AM

You have to give them time. If they really hated you they would have been yelling at you. But they aren't. They are trying to come to grips with the situation and decide what next to do.

What you should be doing is asking them to take you to the police or prosecutor. We warned you this would not be easy at first. But that it was something you had to do. You are not dumb at all, you are a child who was taken advantage of. You have to keep telling yourself that. This was not your fault. Ask them if they want to post here and ask our advice.