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Lalaloopsy99 · Apr 28, 2013, 07:50 AM

So my mom started working couple of months ago. And she also got a new phone and all that. With her old phone she would always give it to me an wouldn't really hide anything. But now she got a new phone she will NEVER let me touch it. She is always on her phone texting. One day she came up to me and wanted to make a Facebook account with a code name. And she only added this one friend who also has a code name. So I decide to go on her wall and I see pictures that she would normally never take of herself. And she posts love statuses to this one "friend". She told me it was just another girl who wanted a code name. But I went on "her" Facebook and all the pictures were of this guy. The comments were also pretty romantic. And lets say for intance my mom wants to take a picture of her with her phone. So she would give it to me and as I'm taking it this person sends a text saying "i will always love you". And the person who sent it was under another code name. And when the beeping of the text came up my mom SNATCHED it away from me. Jut snatched it.

Im only 13 and my parents have been married for as long as I can remember. My dad is a really sweet guy and I know he loves my mom. I don't know why my mom would go and cheat. It all started with her goddamn job.

Sorry but this is just tooo much to handle and I don't want my parents to separate. I don't want to tell my dad or else they will fight but I jut want my life to go back to the way it was. When my mom was actually nicer and isn't on her phone 24/7. Please tell me what to do. Ive been crying non stop and it is really affecting everything around. Please tell me what to do. Thank you

Curlyben · Apr 28, 2013, 07:52 AM

It is NONE of your business what your parents are doing.

smkanand · Apr 28, 2013, 07:55 AM

It feels sad when parents and family getting apart. But your mom and dad are adults. They know what are they doing. You have right to think good for you family but you can't force somebody. I hope your parents stay together.

JudyKayTee · Apr 29, 2013, 07:51 AM

You know what happens when you spy, particularly when you're a child spying on your parents? You find information which hurts everyone. If your parents would spy on you like you spy on them you'd be posting how unfair they are to you.

It goes both ways.

These are adult problems. Your parents didn't bring you into them. You brought yourself in.

The best you can do is hope for the best and mind your own business as best as you can.

emogirlheart · May 1, 2013, 11:50 AM

I do so believe that you should just confront your mom about it. If she doesn't give you any information, be a "spy". You have your suspicions, you might as well confirm them. You have a right to know. I'm fifteen. My parents have been divorced for five years and I've had... A LOT of problems since. You start to miss one or the other. You start to lose all their attention. You should confront her about it. If she doesn't say anything about it... I'm sorry to say this but maybe you should speak to your dad about it...

odinn7 · May 1, 2013, 11:56 AM

Originally Posted by emogirlheart

I do so believe that you should just confront your mom about it. If she doesn't give you any information, be a "spy". You have your suspicions, you might as well confirm them. You have a right to know. I'm fifteen. My parents have been divorced for five years and I've had.... A LOT of problems since. You start to miss one or the other. You start to lose all their attention. You should confront her about it. If she doesn't say anything about it... I'm sorry to say this but maybe you should speak to your dad about it...

So how is your advice going to prevent divorce? You seem to have all the answers, so how in your world, does this all work out in the end?

tita1 · May 1, 2013, 12:10 PM

If I were you.. I would tell dad that mom kind of is acting werid and strange.. I wouldn't tell that she is cheating,I will just give a clue.. I think if she is really cheating on your dad,then she must be stopped soon enough before things may go worse.. your dad may know how to do things..
I don't know..

slapshot_oi · May 1, 2013, 12:14 PM

Originally Posted by Curlyben

It is NONE of your business what your parents are doing.

It most definitely is her business. She is part of the family.

Originally Posted by odinn7

So how is your advice going to prevent divorce? You seem to have all the answers, so how in your world, does this all work out in the end?

emogirlheart never once said anything about preventing divorce.

Be proactive and do what emogirlheart said about confronting your mom. That will give her a "reality check" and that may make her realize what she's doing, and she may stop all of this on her own.

JudyKayTee · May 1, 2013, 12:15 PM

And other than estranging the person who asked the question from both parents, how is this going to help? And where is the proof of cheating?

odinn7 · May 1, 2013, 12:26 PM

Originally Posted by slapshot_oi

emogirlheart never once said anything about preventing divorce.

Maybe she didn't directly say it but it was implied by what she said. She went on to make a point about how badly divorce has affected her and then goes on to say about confronting the mother, as if to imply that this will somehow prevent divorce. That's how I read her two responses anyway.

JudyKayTee · May 1, 2013, 01:12 PM

Emogirl has not posted the same info twice - I realize she has problems but nowhere on her long, emotional thread is the divorce mentioned, other than her parents are "bible thumpers." Did you want him to kiss you? Did you want to have sex with him?

Maybe someone 15 can understand this problem. Maybe some 15 cannot.

I question whether someone who asks for advice and gives half the story here and half the story there is a good, reliable source.

As far as this question is concerned - I'm an investigator. What is the PROOF that the mother is having an affair? An account with a code name? We are to believe the mother is so stupid that she has her child setting up a secret account and taking photos so she can communicate with her lover? And the problem is the mother's g*d* job? Again, other issues -

emogirlheart · May 2, 2013, 11:36 AM

Originally Posted by odinn7

Maybe she didn't directly say it but it was implied by what she said. She went on to make a point about how badly divorce has affected her and then goes on to say about confronting the mother, as if to imply that this will somehow prevent divorce. That's how I read her two responses anyway.

I didn't say it would prevent divorce and to be honest it probably won't. But it's best that everyone knows. I mean they'll find out sooner or later. It's best to find out sooner. Believe me.

tickle · May 2, 2013, 11:42 AM

Originally Posted by emogirlheart

I do so believe that you should just confront your mom about it. If she doesn't give you any information, be a "spy". You have your suspicions, you might as well confirm them. You have a right to know. I'm fifteen. My parents have been divorced for five years and I've had.... A LOT of problems since. You start to miss one or the other. You start to lose all their attention. You should confront her about it. If she doesn't say anything about it... I'm sorry to say this but maybe you should speak to your dad about it...

This has to be the absolute most terrible advice I have ever heard regarding a situation such as this.

Nothing is known for sure, so why stir up trouble.

JudyKayTee · May 2, 2013, 12:07 PM

Unhappy people give advice that will make other people unhappy, too. That's why.

And, I repeat, this is certainly not going to make the OP a favored child in the eyes of either parent.

Welcome to foster care!

slapshot_oi · May 2, 2013, 01:12 PM

The bottom line is whatever the OP's mother is up to is causing the OP stress. Telling the OP "it's none of your business" and "not to stir up trouble" is AWFUL advice. A parent is someone a child ought to trust and talk with regarding every concern. Hence, the OP should confront her mother just like emogirlheart said.

It is possible that the mother is innocent and her actions are being misinterpreted, but that won't be discovered unless the OP speaks up.

It's been said countless times on AMHD that communication is a key factor to a successful relationship.

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

And, I repeat, this is certainly not going to make the OP a favored child in the eyes of either parent.

Welcome to foster care!

This is completely out of line. Are you just trying to upset the OP? What is the matter with you?

tickle · May 2, 2013, 01:39 PM

Slapshot, are you a dad of a teenage girl, or for that matter, a teen boy? Teens over-react to stimulus all the time. I see nothing wrong with JKT's advise.

Going all hog and bringing this out in the open is not the right approach for a young girl who should not have been snooping in the first place. She should be respecting her elders and keeping her mouth shut.

This is not a relationship issue where communication is an asset.

JudyKayTee · May 2, 2013, 06:13 PM

Speaking of out of line - "It's been said countless times on AMHD that communication is a key factor to a successful relationship. Quote:
Originally Posted by JudyKayTee And, I repeat, this is certainly not going to make the OP a favored child in the eyes of either parent. Welcome to foster care!

This is completely out of line. Are you just trying to upset the OP? What is the matter with you?"

I'm not aware that there is anything that is "the matter" with me. This is a Board of opinion. Yours is not the only one that counts. You don't like my comment - report it. You know how that works, right?

No, I'm trying to shake some sense into the OP - a parent who may or may not be guilty of anything is going to be confronted by this child and the spouse instead of the child approaching the mother ONLY and asking what's going on - if that's the course the OP wishes to take.

And this isn't the only problem - I still don't see the "gd" job coming from a child - the child is repeating what has been said by someone.

This child wants life to go back to how it used to be before the mother started working.

I don't think this child's unhappiness is totally based on the affair she thinks her mother is having.

ScottGem · May 2, 2013, 06:21 PM

Lets keep this focused. Yes people are entitled to their opinions. And that includes explaining why another person's opinion may be bad advice.

I actually agree that the OP should TALK to her mom. But not "confront" the mom. She should ask her why she is being so secretive, Explain to her how it worries her. But that is the ONLY things she should do. She should not tell the father or accuse the mother of cheating.