[haviland]

I trained as a secretary at the prestigious St Aldates Secretarial college in Oxford. I found all my jobs through agencies apart from my first that was after meeting someone on holiday, we got on very well and I ended up working and living with her. I went on to work in creative industries, and in 1995 left london due to a nervous breakdown! I went back to college and got 2 degrees in art. There is no money in it and I need to get a job to pay my way in the world.

I have applied and applied for secretary jobs and not got even an interview, but I am getting better at wording applications and feel sure to get a job soon.

But can I deliver what I think I can? I have lost my social confidence, I am ridiculously shy - I have zero social life due to losing my friends because of the breakdown (seriously taboo).

I enjoy the solitary life but feel that one needs social support to maintain a successful office career - is this right or can I just enjoy working everyday and enjoy even more the people that I work with? If they knew that I had no social life or friends they would think I was a loser.

I feel proud to be so independent and hope that some kind of self worth will come from somewhere.

Am I the only one who has the confidence of an ant? Thing is, I am a pretty good actress and am able to pretend that I am the life and soul - people don't like feeble shy people but they don't like over confidence either - I strive to be perfect, I don't know how to act like I am perfect, or don't think I am perfect, but you can't go around showing all your faults just because you are proud of not being perfect, I hate not being perfect - but I don't want to be one of those people who don't even try to be - I have an ideal in life - I want people to like and love me and I am so unlovable- I hate being loved for my faults, it makes me not try to improve - and that's what friends tend to make you think - that you are OK, that you don't need to try to change (we love you the way you are') but I do need to change.

Can someone give me some serious therapy? Even if it means practicing it somewhere?

[smkanand]

There is no such thing as perfect. And what causes you to breakdown, seriously taboo? You need to address that thing. You have an ideal in life. Your happiness depends on people's perception. Focus on your work.

[joypulv]

You sound far too aware of yourself. Instead of striving to be something no one can be, why not work on just being friendly and interested in others? Saying a few nice things about a person, and asking that person to talk about themselves, is a far better 'presentation' of you than anything you could possibly make of yourself.