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Confused70102 · Apr 25, 2013, 01:37 AM

I can't decide if I'm overanalyzing the situation or not. My boyfriend can usually very quickly when I give him head, but if we have sex, I feel like it takes a whole lot longer, or sometimes he doesn't even from it. I don't know if it's my fault or if he just controls it so that I can feel good, because I usually take quite a while to orgasm and he knows that. He's a lot bigger than I was used to, so I get extremely wet-- It's to the point where he slips out and there's absolutely no friction whatsoever. We end up having to take breaks during sex in order for me to "dry up" a little bit. I feel like it doesn't feel good to him or something because I get so wet and it makes me feel "loose." Am I looking at this in the right way?

JudyKayTee · Apr 25, 2013, 06:24 AM

Ask him - maybe he can't climax from intercourse alone (if that's your question).

You are in a sexual relationship - you can presumably talk about sexual matters, mutual satisfaction.

Do you use a condom during intercourse but not during oral?

joypulv · Apr 25, 2013, 07:45 AM

Less than 2 weeks ago you were in dire straits over 2 relationships, but chose not to respond to the answers at all, even to say that you had taken some suggestions?

JudyKayTee · Apr 25, 2013, 08:17 AM

Wow, Joy, good catch!

Confused70102 · Apr 25, 2013, 08:34 AM

Originally Posted by joypulv

Less than 2 weeks ago you were in dire straits over 2 relationships, but chose not to respond to the answers at all, even to say that you had taken some suggestions?

I did not respond because a lot happened since that time. A very big legal issue regarding the ex came up, so I have absolutely no contact with him anymore. I did appreciate everyone's feedback, but I was unable to reply due to legal difficulties. Once I was able to say something, I figured it was too late to and did not want to go into detail about why I have no contact. I hope that's understandable. I really did take the advice to heart, which is why I broke it off with the ex, he got out of control, and there is now a restraining order in place. Thank you though. Again, I do appreciate all the advice I can get.

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Ask him - maybe he can't climax from intercourse alone (if that's your question).

You are in a sexual relationship - you can presumably talk about sexual matters, mutual satisfaction.

Do you use a condom during intercourse but not during oral?

I did plan on bringing the situation up to him, but wanted to seek advice first. We are very open with each other, but at the same time, I do not want to say something about him not being able to climax until I get the right advice, as I don't want to accidentally offend him. However, I do plan on talking this over with him within the next week. I will let you all know what his response is.

smoothy · Apr 25, 2013, 08:38 AM

Listen... guy speaking here... its all about stimulation... a guy actually gets more intense stimulation during oral than he does from intercourse... if you add all the little tricks a woman knows that is good at oral... just step that up a few notches.

You are overanalyzing it... but long story short... someone really good at oral... can get a guy off super quick... or make it last... at their will.

Confused70102 · Apr 25, 2013, 08:40 AM

I do want to add that he is normally able to climax, but it just takes longer than I would expect after seeing how long it takes with oral.

smoothy · Apr 25, 2013, 09:28 AM

Read post #7... I explained why it's that way for a guy.

Confused70102 · Apr 25, 2013, 02:17 PM

Originally Posted by smoothy

Read post #7.....I explained why its that way for a guy.

Thank you. I didn't see your post until after I posted #7. Thank you. That makes a lot of sense. As a woman, I naturally overanalyze everything. I guess I just got quite insulted when he cums in 2 min from head, then can last quite a while from sex. It made me feel "not good enough" in a way. Thanks again!

Alty · Apr 25, 2013, 04:39 PM

No matter how big the guy is, or how tight the woman is, oral sex is always going to be "tighter" than vaginal sex, unless you know a few tricks.

Fact is, you can control your mouth a lot more than you can control your vagina. Seems like you know what you're doing when it comes to oral sex.

Not that you don't know what you're doing during vaginal sex. It's just different, and there is less control. But, you can work on gaining more control in that area. There are exercises you can do, and when used during sex, it can be very stimulating to a guy.

I'm not sure how much I'm allowed to say here, so I'll leave it at that. But do some research, learn to control that part of your body.

Confused70102 · Apr 26, 2013, 01:45 PM

Originally Posted by Alty

No matter how big the guy is, or how tight the woman is, oral sex is always going to be "tighter" than vaginal sex, unless you know a few tricks.

Fact is, you can control your mouth a lot more than you can control your vagina. Seems like you know what you're doing when it comes to oral sex.

Not that you don't know what you're doing during vaginal sex. It's just different, and there is less control. But, you can work on gaining more control in that area. There are exercises you can do, and when used during sex, it can be very stimulating to a guy.

I'm not sure how much I'm allowed to say here, so I'll leave it at that. But do some research, learn to control that part of your body.

The thing is, I do know how to control that part of my body as well. I know quite my fair share of tricks, but I feel as if I can't let myself completely "go all out" yet because we haven't been dating extremely long, so that level of comfortability isn't all there yet. The more we have sex, the more comfortable I get to start doing a few more of my "tricks" each time. So last night, I decided to test my theory of not letting go, and I think I have just answered my own question. He came after only a few minutes of sex too, so I feel a lot better about myself, and it opens up the fact that we can have sex quite a few times in one night because it doesn't take him so long. ;) Thank you all for your input!

smoothy · Apr 26, 2013, 03:11 PM

Actually.. speaking as a guy that's been around... before he got married.

Most women that think they have great control... I could barely feel when she was squeezing... and then only if I wasn't moving. (felt it more if it was my finger) But honestly no way was I ever going to say that.

However with that said... I actually did briefly date one girl in Europe that DID have the sort of control of legend.

She literally could clamp down with almost as much strength as some women have in their thumb and forefinger... yes that tightly.

Only one that ever got beyond the yes I can tell you are doing something but barely...

Yes it was amazing... but nothing was incredible enough to deal with her personality flaws.

But as I've honestly told women... and I mean it... tight is great if you are in a rush... but if you want to take your time and enjoy it together... being on a looser side is a big benefit. Particularly if you are monogamous and don't need to use condoms. So there is no reason for a woman to feel bad about it.

joypulv · Apr 26, 2013, 03:43 PM

Darn. You mean that about not feeling squeezing unless you aren't moving? I used to try to sque... never mind.

A urologist at Harvard has just written a book about men faking orgasm. His studies showed that plenty do.

smoothy · Apr 26, 2013, 03:56 PM

Originally Posted by joypulv

Darn. You mean that about not feeling squeezing unless you aren't moving? I used to try to sque... never mind.

A urologist at Harvard has just written a book about men faking orgasm. His studies showed that plenty do.

I'm curious how... unless it's a dark room, condoms are used... and there is a rush to get rid of it. That's like lying about painting the house.

But most of all... WHY?

Alty · Apr 26, 2013, 03:58 PM

Originally Posted by smoothy

I'm curious how...unless its a dark room, condoms are used...and there is a rush to get rid of it. Thats like lieing about painting the house.

But most of all......WHY?

Probably the same reason some women do, to get it over with, or to make the guy feel better about himself.

Personally, I don't see the point. I'm not going to fake pleasure, I'd rather feel it. Who cares about a guys ego? ;)

joypulv · Apr 26, 2013, 04:49 PM

Originally Posted by smoothy

I'm curious how...unless its a dark room, condoms are used...and there is a rush to get rid of it. Thats like lieing about painting the house.

But most of all......WHY?

I think the keyword is 'urologist.' He gets a lot of patients with things like prostate enlargement, probably.

How - not so hard. Dark room not relevant. Pretend to leak into a towel or underpants so that sheets don't get all gummy.

WHY? The premise of the book is that men really are sensitive caring guys who want to please. LOL. Maybe the ones who needed a urologist wanted to be sensitive caring guys who want to please.