[amiiraaa]

I am 21 years old female indian I want to marry a 26 year old married man... How can I make my parents agree?? Help mee !

[JudyKayTee]

You live in a culture where a man is allowed to have two wives?

[Gernald]

You live in a culture where a man is allowed to have two wives?

In India it is legal for Muslims to participate in polygamy under the Muslim Personal Law Shariat Application Act of 1937.

What specific objections do your parents have to this?

My best suggestion for you would be to convince your parents that he is a good, caring man, who has an equally loving 1st wife who would both make you happy if you were to join their family.

[soni dot]

That guy is married and is willing to leave his wife for u,, sounds like he loves you a LOT,, but,,

Think about this,, really think about this,,

Tomorrow he might fall in love with another woman,, crazily in love with her,, what guarantee do you have that he won't leave you for her?

This is the main reason your parents will not agree to this relation,,

[Gernald]

that guy is married and is willing to leave his wife for u,,,, sounds like he loves u a LOT,,, but,,,

think about this,,,, really think abt this,,,

tomorrow he might fall in love with another woman,,,crazily in love with her,,, what guarantee do u have that he won't leave u for her?

this is the main reason ur parents will not agree to this relation,,,

He doesn't have to leave his wife, that's why it's called polygamy.

[smkanand]

Agree with Gernald. Shariat allows that guy to marry more than twice without divorcing his first wife. So first of all he should take consensus of his wife. If she is fine with you being his second wife then there is no problem. You can convince your parents, if you prove that he is caring and will provide you good future prospect with financial stability.

[JudyKayTee]

Gernald, you beat me to it. There must be differences within India if the person answering doesn't realize there has to be a divorce before a second marriage.

And the question about what the parents' objection is is a good one.

[Gernald]

Yep, Judy apparently there are differences. Hindus can't participate in polygamy, only Muslims. And only in certain sects of Muslims is it more common. Apparently India has had some issues with people converting just to have multiple wives.

Talk about your double standard. Lol.

[JudyKayTee]

The thing that shocks me in India is the brutal treatment of women. I had no idea how often rape occurs, that there is basically no punishment, that "everyone" looks the other way. Americans are currently being warned not to travel in India, particularly unescorted women.

And this is in the name of religion?

Problematical to say the least.

[smkanand]

Indian constitution gives full religious freedom to all religions including muslims to follow their rules. So Indian muslims follow shariat, most of them. Which allows them polygamy. This is not applied to other religions Hindu, Sikh, Christines or others. Which also gave islamic community liberty to have more children than other religious people. While on other hand Hindus, christines and sikh only allowed 3 children.

[JudyKayTee]

Christians in India are ALLOWED to have 3 children? What happens when a women gets pregnant with her fourth?

Why such disrespect for women in general in India.

Note I am not hijacking this thread. It's already been hijacked.

[smkanand]

No disrespect to women, people can have as many as they want. I stated a rule that applies if you are standing for a local level election or having any government job. Else people allowed to have as many as.

[Gernald]

Christians in India are ALLOWED to have 3 children? What happens when a women gets pregnant with her fourth?

Three is a multitude if you compare it to China! You can ask those women what happened to their second born.

[JudyKayTee]

I am well aware - I just never heard that India was limiting the number of children born.

[soni dot]

India has not strict rules on number of children u can have,, there is not law to limit the size of the family. They are just suggestion to keep it to two or three, to keep population and the poverty in control. I am not stating any religious law, just an initiative taken by the government.

I know what polygamy is and being an Indian, I know how certain individuals treat their wives. Indian law doesn't allow Polygamy but Muslim law does. But India is NOT a muslim country and since their law is not accepted easily here, some muslims hide the fact that they have multiple wives. In fact, their first wife is also unaware that there is a second or a third.
Most men who follow Polygamy are from Under Poverty Line and unable to take care of more than 1 family, they divorce the 1st by simply saying Talak (divorce) 3 times... no notice, no court trial, nothing. The woman is left with multiple kids, unable to take care of them. Muslim laws are made in favor of Men.
Only 1 our of 100 Muslim Men keep all his wives together and happy.

[JudyKayTee]

Soni dot, thank you for the detailed information. Surprising and shocking - and I am aware that women are not necessarily treated well in India. It's a very difficult culture for me - in the US - to understand.

At the moment the rapes and other violence against women in India is in all the newspapers. Travel agents are advising against vacations in India.

I don't know how anyone in India can state that there is no disrespect to women - unless such mistreatment is considered the norm.

Again, now I understand better. Thank you.

[smkanand]

Rapes cases are in paper because people of India raising voice against it. And Indian law treats all women equally, no disrespect. There is inequality in religious laws specially islam. And criminals and people who misuse religious rights are responsible for such crimes. Here in India even we don't understand why people in US so easy with abortions.

[JudyKayTee]

What? You are comparing abortions in India to abortions in the US? You don't understand why people in the US are so "easy on abortions?"

Are you familiar with the facts of abortion as reported for both countries?

Abortion has been legal in India since 1971. It's been legal in the US since 1972, modified in 1992.

I'm reading (in an Indian newspaper): “India records a whopping 5.7 million illegal abortions every year and over 80 percent of pregnant women do not get hygienic antenatal care, say experts.”

This 5.7 million is reported illegal abortions. I have no way of knowing how many unreported abortions there are. Over Five Million Illegal Abortions In India Every Year | Medindia

I'm also reading that the number of abortions in the US since 1972 (when they became legal) is 56,168,907 - as of Midnight today. Number of Abortions in US & Worldwide - Number of abortions since 1973

I'm more than a little puzzled why you think abortion is rampant in the US when it would appear the illegal abortions only in India (5.7 million PER YEAR) certainly appear to outnumber the total US abortions since 1972 (40 years, 56,158,907).

I am not counting as abortions the women who take the “morning after” pill in India - “Instead, among urban India's increasingly educated and independent women, it's emergency contraception that has taken over the market. The "morning after" pill brands, which include I-pill, Unwanted 72 and Preventol, are readily accessible over-the-counter drugs throughout India, as they are in at least 40 other countries, including the U.S. U.K. and Australia. "There's an alarmingly high utilization of emergency contraception, which has almost become synonymous with the i-pill," says Dr. Rishma Dhillon Pai, a consultant gynecologist at the Jaslok and Lilavati hospitals in Mumbai, and vice president of the Federation of Obstetric and Gynecological Societies of India (FOGSI).” In India, 'Morning After' Pill Trumps Other Birth Control - TIME

The figures for the “emergency morning after” pill are not readily available in the US.

As far as rape is concerned there is no such thing as marital rape in India. Legally, a woman cannot be raped (forced to have sex against her will) by her husband. “In 2011, a similar study released by the International Center for Research on Women, a Washington-based non-profit, said one in every five Indian men surveyed admitted to forcing their wives into sex.” Why India Allows Men to Rape Their Wives - India Real Time - WSJ

The conviction rate for non-relative rapes in India is less than 30%.

[smkanand]

Yeah abortions in India are illegal because law doesn't allowed but I was wondering why US made it legal. That's seem to be part of social and culture.

[JudyKayTee]

For starters, abortion is not illegal in India. Where are you reading that it is?

I didn't bother with the legal abortion statistics because the reported illegal abortion figure was so staggering.

Why did the US make abortion legal? Because the Supreme Court ruled (basically) that a woman owns her own body and can make her own choices when it comes to bearing children. Not everyone agrees, of course, but that is the law.