[NylaKnight]

I will not go into to many details. I do not feel that they are needed to answer my question. However if you have questions I will be happy to answer them to the best of my ability.

That being said I shall move on.

I have decided that it would be in my 3 year old daughter's best interest for us to leave our home and my husband.

Due to the circumstances, I will be leaving with very little of our personal belongings. I will only be able to take the belongings that will fit in the back of my mini van.

My problem comes in here. I don't know what to pack. Uprooting my daughter will be hard enough on her. How do I know what comfort items will help ease this transition for her? How do you take your whole life and break it down to only the needed objects? What items are considered to be irreplaceable?

I know that I need things such as birth certificates and shot records. Family photos and her favorite toys are a given. However after those items I am stuck. I seem to be having a hard time figuring out fit our whole lives into a mini van.

I am asking in hopes that someone that is not involved emotionally, will be able to bring some perspective to the situation for me.

I would prefer that judgmental and downgrading answers be left out. They are not helpful in any way.

[Stumpjumper123]

I would suggest you don't leave at all. Let me explain, the house you live in is yours your husband or soon to be ex should appreciate his child's needs and help you to continue living where you are. You should not carry this whole burden, if he is at all reasonable he will assist you. I am sure there will be crap to deal with but that won't be any less if you are alone doing this. Be reasonable but demand respect for who you are. (The mother of his children)

[NylaKnight]

I would suggest you don't leave at all. Let me explain, the house you live in is yours your husband or soon to be ex should appreciate his child's needs and help you to continue living where you are. You should not carry this whole burden, if he is at all reasonable he will assist you. I am sure there will be crap to deal with but that wont be any less if you are alone doing this. Be reasonable but demand respect for who you are. (The mother of his children)

I am thankful that you have taken the time to respond to my question. However, staying is not an option. I suppose more details would help you to understand my position on this. My husband of four years has recently become physically violent with me and our child. Yes, in most cases the person in my shoes will stick around and try to work through it. In my case however, things are a bit different. My husband is a certified third degree black belt in tae kwon do. Between his quick temper, the drinking, and his training, I not only fear for our safety, but I fear for our very lives. I was abused as a child and refuse to allow my child to grow up with that same pain and fear.

[Stumpjumper123]

I am sorry, I was meaning divorce him and make him move. If that is not an option take just the essentials you already described and leave.

[tickle]

Judgmental answers? I don't know why anyone here would do that to a woman describing a predicament as you are in.

I can't suggest anything else to take other then what you have already described; passports, if any, your marriage certificate and pertinent information regarding your marriage... MONEY... in case he cuts you off from bank accounts. Then after you move out, call a lawyer. Is it a women's shelter you intend on going to?

I think you have your other bases covered. Your daughter doesn't have to know the whole story immediately but as many clothing items as possible.

And most of all yourself respect, you are going to need that in the days, weeks to come.

We are here for you to talk this through.

Tick

[joypulv]

Generally a woman in fear packs extremely quickly, even if she has been planning it for days or weeks, because someone might see it happening and call the husband. Don't worry so much about what you pack as how you will protect yourselves in your new place.
The first response had a valid point, even if it was a suggestion to stay... it is half your house. Many wives with violent husbands arrange to make the husband leave through a restraining order and various friends and relatives to surround her in the house, and the police to escort him away, after he packs a small bag.
I take it you have a SAFE place pre-arranged, if you can't or won't get a R/O? Where he can't come after you, or people can deal with him if he shows up?

[talaniman]

Take all the clothes you need and any important documents and get out. Anything else can be replaced or gotten with a police escort. BE SAFE.

[NylaKnight]

Thank you all for your responses. I have a safe place to go, the arrangements have been made already. I will be leaving at the end of this week. I am so grateful that I have some truly wonderful people in my life.

I will be moving back closer to my family. I currently live about 500 miles from any friends or family that I trust, so I felt that it would in our best interest to move back to an area that I know well and feel safe in.

I have already contacted an attorney in the area. I have a consultation set up with them for next Monday. So hopefully I will feel a bit more confident after that meeting.

I am scared to death, for many reasons, but I also know that I have to get my daughter out of this situation and into a stable and supportive environment.

Again, thank you all for your responses.

My apologies, I forgot to answer your question tickle.

I mentioned the judgmental answers because the first forum that I asked this question in, the responses fell along the lines of "What did you do to make him turn violent?" and "If you were a better wife and mother, he wouldn't have the need to hit you or the kid you are suppose to be raising."

I know that each person is entitled to their own opinions, and I can not fault those people for their beliefs. However, I am a firm believer that NO person, male, female, child or elderly is ever deserving of abuse. So I simply moved on and found this forum.

[odinn7]

I mentioned the judgmental answers because the first forum that I asked this question in, the responses fell along the lines of "What did you do to make him turn violent?" and "If you were a better wife and mother, he wouldn't have the need to hit you or the kid you are suppose to be raising."

I know that each person is entitled to their own opinions, and I can not fault those people for their beliefs. However, I am a firm believer that NO person, male, female, child or elderly is ever deserving of abuse. So I simply moved on and found this forum.

You won't get that here. Many of us have either been through this or have someone in our lives that has been. There is never a reason for this to happen.

I commend you for being able to stand up for yourself and your daughter and having the courage to move forward and get out of this situation.

Good luck to you and I wish you the best.

[Alty]

I want to wish you and your daughter luck. I also want to make a small suggestion, and see if this is a possibility. Have you considered renting a uhaul? If your van has a trailer hitch you can pull it, and that way you'll be able to take more with you.

I realize that a uhaul would definitely alert your husband to the fact that you're leaving, but a call to the police, telling them that you're in danger, that you're trying to leave but you fear for your safety, would get them to your home so that you can move safely (at least it would where I live, not sure about your area but it's worth a try).

If that's not an option, take the papers you mentioned, make sure to pack enough clothing, and of course your daughters favorite toys, pictures, keepsakes, and do as was suggested and make sure you have enough money before he freezes the account.

Stay safe, and please let us know when you're safely out of the home and with friends and family.

I wish you and your daughter all the best.

[NylaKnight]

I want to wish you and your daughter luck. I also want to make a small suggestion, and see if this is a possibility. Have you considered renting a uhaul? If your van has a trailer hitch you can pull it, and that way you'll be able to take more with you.

I realize that a uhaul would definitely alert your husband to the fact that you're leaving, but a call to the police, telling them that you're in danger, that you're trying to leave but you fear for your safety, would get them to your home so that you can move safely (at least it would where I live, not sure about your area but it's worth a try).

If that's not an option, take the papers you mentioned, make sure to pack enough clothing, and of course your daughters favorite toys, pictures, keepsakes, and do as was suggested and make sure you have enough money before he freezes the account.

Stay safe, and please let us know when you're safely out of the home and with friends and family.

I wish you and your daughter all the best.

The only Uhaul place that we had in town closed down a few months ago. The nearest one to where I am now is over an hour long drive. He works night shift, so he would definitely notice if I disappeared for two hours in the middle of the day.

Honestly I am not very concerned about the material possessions, they can all be replaced in time. As long as my daughter is safe, I can figure out the rest when I get there. My biggest concern is making sure that I do grab the things that will be hard to replace or impossible. My mind is going a million miles an hour and I want to make sure I don't forget anything important.

My uncle is driving down to make sure I make it out without any problems. He will be arriving Thursday night, so I will be leaving then. As long as there are no problems along the way I should arrive by Friday morning. I will be sure to let you all know that we have made it safely.

[Alty]

Well your Uncle driving down will help, he can take a few boxes of stuff in his vehicle. :)

The most important things are the paper work, those are hard to replace, and they're the things you'll need most.

I'll be anxiously waiting for your post on Friday. Drive carefully and stay safe.

[teacherjenn4]

Good luck and be safe! If your uncle is driving a car, have him fill it full, too. I'd take anything of value beyond the items you need and also, if you have time, grab things that will help you in your new home. I've had fire evacuations annually, and it is amazing how much I've crammed in my mini van. If you have time and room, and it's still safe, take more. I've been in your situation before. You are doing the right thing for you and your child.

[NylaKnight]

I just wanted to let you all know we made the trip safely. I can not say the same for my van, but my daughter and I are safe. Thank you all again for your help and advice.

[odinn7]

Good to hear. Sorry about the van.

Thank you for letting us know.

[teacherjenn4]

I just wanted to let you all know we made the trip safely. I can not say the same for my van, but my daughter and I are safe. Thank you all again for your help and advice.

Glad you are safe... but the van? Hope there wasn't an accident.

[Alty]

So glad you're safe. Keep us posted, and if you need anything, let us know.