[starlitrebellion]

"It is a one way thing and helps guys feel more confident in bed.
<> how pray tell does a guy feel more confident??????
what he will see is a guy who can go on for hours. will his ability to go for a matter of minutes 'only' make him feel confident about his ability???????
he'll see women do things his lady will never do, will that encourage him to find a 'lady' who'll endulge him??? yes, it very well might.
morality is the one standard in the world that, like 2+2=4, should never change with the passing of time. it is not a fashion thing. the fact that 9 ppl out of 10 today do something that that 1 person refuses to, does not make them RIGHT and him WRONG.

They see a guy doing something and they think 'she's gonna love it when I do that'.
<> and when he does it, and she hates it, and he hurts her physically and emotionally, what then??? will THAT help his confidence?? will it IMPROVE their relationship??"

He's right, I'm 18 and I dated a 23 year guy who was obsessed with porn, wanted me to cut and dye my hair like his fav. Porn star, wanted me to work out more and diet so I could look "Great like them" (I'm 120lbs, I'm not huge) He wanted to try the positions that he saw on there, he wanted me to make the noises that he saw on there. When I look back at that and how I gave in to him it makes me feel like , absolutely the worst ever, and it wouldn't have been like that if it wasn't for him looking at porn.

I hate it, I absolutely hate it and I think that most girls do, and if they've decided they're OK with their guy looking at porn they are lying to themselves. That's because it's easier to ignore it than to fight about it, even if it really hurts our feelings, most of us know that the guy will just lie and do it in secret instead.

I know a guy, he's one of my best friends, I've never been intimate with him or anything but we talk openly about that kind of stuff, and he said that he doesn't like porn, and he barely ever watches it, and if the girl that he was with didn't want him to watch it he wouldn't ever. So, there are guys out there who don't watch it and actually respect women, we just have to find one =)

And no, I don't think it's good for your relationship at all. When I know a guy is looking at porn that is the biggest turn off for me ever. I don't want to have anything to do with him, much less have sex. If he wants to learn how to do things right then he can go on sites like this and find out, he doesn't have to watch two girls making out or getting raped or a guy tying a girl up and forcing her to perform oral sex on him, that is not love or passion or anything good at all and just gives him horrible hurtful fantasies

YES you need to confront him about it and it is definetely worth the fight. If he knows that it hurts you and he keeps doing it then he doesn't care. You should find someone who does.

[talaniman]

Sorry for your bad experience, but don't blame it on porn. Blame it on your willingness to please him. He sounds like a jerk. I do think porn, and the argument over it, shows some glaring weakness in the relationship that needs to be addressed. Its so easy to shift the blame, instead of putting in the work to get to the root problem, and deal with it in a positive manner, TOGETHER.

[smoothy]

Porn is great for a relationship unless one person is so closed minded they find problems with it rather than use it to help their relationship.

Well, if you had a good relationship, you see something new, you want to try it and you partner does too, well you try it and one doesn't like it then well, like a new food you just don't have it again. Me and wife do this often, sometimes it works and we have a new thing to add to our warchest. And those one of us dislikes we never try again.

There are some things wife really loves, I am a bit neutral about but I know she loves so we do them.

Trust me that there are women that think sex is man on top , missionary position, one input only and wonder why he's sleeping around inside of 6 years, or vice versa with the guy thinking that and her running around to get variety.

Both parties need to be open minded enough to try new things with each other. And well, the rest you can leave to your imagination. Do that and you will have a healthy and frequent sex life into and beyond your second DECADE of marriage.

[adamwest]

Hello. There are always ways to determine which sites have been visited, if you want to know how email me and I can let you know. I am going through a similar issue a the moment with my BF and understand how hurt you feel.

[prettymulatto]

I'm sorry, but what is natural about your man cheating on you? If he'd prefer to let you sleep while he beats off to a computer screen, he is cheating. Obviously, to him, you alone are not enough. Let him beat it to the street.

[Choux]

Being addicted to porn really destroys a person's chance for a fulfilling sexuality. Over time, it often destroys an individuals ability to orgasm. Men get addicted to a certain type of sex action to facilitate their orgasms, and as the ability to achieve orgasm decreases over time due to over-familiarity, they end up with nothing... impotent. THIS IS MY OPINION. :)

Porn is a crutch toward masturbatory-type sex and just plain masturbating. Porn is directed to males and their mechanistic view of sex... in out in out in out faster faster faster... and so on... pumping the penis. There is no appreciation of their lover, strong emotions or passions or originality or spontaneity or...

If your "lover" prefers porn to you for sexual satisfaction, I don't see any future here for you.

[talaniman]

Repeat after me... ITS ONLY A MOVIE!!

[Synnen]

I'm always amused by the people that state that porn is degrading to women, and therefore relationships.

Have you noticed that the porn industry is in trouble?

Not because people are watching less porn--ha!

It's because internet porn is the way most people go--and more and more people are looking at the amateur sites. Amateur sites tend to be normal people, not perfect, and are generally couples who are spicing up their sex lives. Remember--some people get off on exhibitionism, and just as many of those people are women as men!

And by normal couples--I mean they're in their 20s, 30s, and 40s. They have stretch marks, and hair, and pimples and are enjoying the act more than the camera work. Anyone who has filmed themselves for private viewing later can attest that it doesn't matter if the camera is right at insertion point--what matters is the enthusiasm of the couple.

Again, though--porn is a TOOL. It's the same as a vibrator, or a blindfold, or silk straps. It's a way to add that little OOMPH to a relationship--when viewed TOGETHER.

Apart--yeah, it's a masturbatory tool. And so what? If it's not done in excess, is it REALLY any different than a romance novel, where his "turgid member slides into her gleaming sex"?

[talaniman]

You have just convinced me to read more. Romance novels, huh??

[Synnen]

Tal--you got to look for the really bad ones to get great sex scenes. The ones with a good plot (yeah, believe it or not, it happens--even in brain candy) seem to gloss over the sex.

If you get one about pirates, warriors, or the military--the sex gets pretty graphic most of the time. Good tool for couples, especially if you read it together in bed and get to giggling.

If you want REALLY good stuff, though--skip the romance novels. That's the Cinemax version of it. Go for true erotica--I recommend pretty much anything published under Black Lace.

I love romance novels though. I read voraciously, and not all of it is fluff. I usually have a fantasy novel, something more serious (gasp--even NONFICTION!) and a romance novel all going at once, and switch back and forth, depending on my mood. Romance novels are the brain candy of books--and I wish more men read them. If nothing else--romance novels are a study in foreplay. You want to get great ideas for a date, or for foreplay? Read a romance novel! Most of the time they are written by and for women--where BETTER to get ideas on what a woman wants?

But--you have to keep in mind that it's the same general idea as porn: yeah, it's the stuff a lot of women dream about--but women all want different things. And while those guys in the novels are great--most of us wouldn't WANT them for an actual partner. It's nice to dream, though, and I know a lot of women end up putting the face of the guy they love/want/like/are interested in/daydream about/whatever on the face of the hero in the book.

My husband ends up being the hero every time, regardless what he's supposed to look like in the book. :)

PS--the guys that should ESPECIALLY read romance novels are the ones that complain about not getting a date, the ones that have every girl tell them they're "too nice", the ones that have women leave because they're bored. Believe me--the hero is almost never "nice" or "boring" or "shy" in these books--and they give GREAT approaches to how to be not-so-nice without being a total jerk.

[talaniman]

Show me a guy who can't get a date, I'll show you a guy who has few female friends, and is scared of rejection. One No, and he is gives up. Show me a female who doesn't like her man to look at porn, I'll show you a female that has issues with herself. I think the real problem is they see porn stars as competition, and not just an object as we men do, so they cannot be objective, or understanding. To me this causes an unnecessary conflict, when they take a hard stance against it. My own porn collection was removed when the kids started growing up. I will admit the fascination is gone, and interenet porn is to expensive, and the viruises are to abundant, but men will always be men. I like your idea about reading those romance novels to get an insight into what women want though, and plan to buy a few, and recite from them in my loin cloth, when the grandkids leave of course.

[2personal]

I have a question for you, does he have web cam, and is he taking that in the bathroom with him, because going through all that trouble of taking his Laptop in with him to look at porn seems abit extreme, and also, I think most men and women, when they masterbate think about the sexual experience they have had or having, rather than take porn in with them, anyway, the reason I ask about the webcam, he may be going on webcam sites and doing it in front of other people doing the same thing.

[smoothy]

I have a question for you, does he have web cam, and is he taking that in the bathroom with him, because going through all that trouble of taking his Laptop in with him to look at porn seems abit extreme, and also, I think most men and women, when they masterbate think about the sexual experience they have had or having, rather than take porn in with them, anyway, the reason i ask about the webcam, he may be going on webcam sites and doing it in front of other people doing the same thing.

I'll agree that's the situation when I would have a problem with it. I've never hidden it, but then I've never gone to that sort of thing either. Porn is porn... when you start interacting with others then it starts getting seriously iffy.

[Leffy]

Hey there sweets!

I unfortunately have the same dilemma. The only difference is I *know* my boyfriend watches porn. In his defense he was upfront about it in the beginning but now he has progressed to sneaking around with it because he knows it hurts me and makes me intensely uncomfortable. We've talked about this topic at length I don't even know how many times, and the last two times we talked about it he said he would "change" and implied that he was going to give it up. Well, that never happened. =/ ..... I checked the history just yesterday (not for the purpose of checking up on him, mind you, I was trying to locate a site I was on) on the laptop and he was on all kinds of sites. It just makes me feel so disgusted and I feel like I'm losing respect for him because he just can't, or rather, won't, kick this thing. I'm sorry but I think I'm far more valuable than a bunch of trashy females on swinging their boobs at the camera. He agrees, and tells me all the time how beautiful he thinks I am and how much he loves me, and I do believe him.... most of the time...... however... doesn't it stand to reason to question his motives for watching porn? He has even said "You are my perfect woman. I don't need or want anyone else." .... I can't believe that, not from him at least. I can say with complete honesty that I think that I am a real and genuine catch. I am young, sexy, I take care of my body and am toned and slim, I am intelligent and fun-loving, educated, playful, all of the above. I'm an excellent cook, ballet dancer, 2nd degree black belt, yada yada, (not to toot my own horn, I just want to illustrate to the skeptics that I do not have self esteem issues as many assume of women who disagree with pornographic viewing) I love to satisfy my man, I intensely enjoy giving him amazing blowjobs, and even roleplaying and dressing up in cute little schoolgirl outfits for him, all of which he obviously loves, I just don't get why, after all this, he needs the porn!! It's just hard for me to believe him when he spews compliments like that, simply because his actions don't reflect his words. Rationalize it all you want by saying "oh it's natural, just go with it!" or "it's a guy thing". No, it's a useless thing. If both people are ok with pornographic viewing, then it's not a problem. However, I think since I've made it very clear that it genuinely hurts me, to the point of sometimes crying, he should probably reconsider his "need" for this crap. I've tried to accept it and/or ignore it. But it just doesn't happen. Every time he climbs into bed and starts cuddling with me I feel so strange... almost used. I should NEVER have to feel that way with the man I love. Yet, there it is.
Now.... enough of that.... honestly dear, try to talk to him. Tell him, "I know you watch porn, it's pretty obvious by your behavior. Why do you do it? Am I not enough for you? Or am I wasting my time?" If you really want proof, go into his Mozilla, and go into the "Tools" then "Options" it's listed under the "Privacy" section down at the bottom of the little window. "Always Clear my Private Data When I close Mozilla Firefox" just click the botton to deactivate it. He's not going to check it every time he logs off his computer. He probably won't even notice you changed it. Just do it for a couple nights or until you catch him on one of his little "escapades" and check the next day to see what the result is. You should see the trash my boyfriend watches. -_-' ....... Damn sluts....

Anyhow... hope I helped. I offer my sympathies at the very least.

-Leff-meister

[iAMfromHuntersBar]

If you really want proof, go into his Mozilla, and go into the "Tools" then "Options" it's listed under the "Privacy" section down at the bottom of the little window. "Always Clear my Private Data When I close Mozilla Firefox" just click the botton to deactivate it. He's not going to check it every time he logs off his computer. He probably won't even notice you changed it.

Now THAT is sneaky! Ha ha!

But honestly, if I found someone was trying to catch me out by doing something like that, I'd become even more withdrawn and find even better ways of covering my tracks!

I can see how you both you and the OP feel, but at the end of the day it's just masturbation.

Most men are visual creatures, i.e. we need something to look at to get off! Would you prefer if he went into the toilet, closed his eyes and used his imagination? Then you'd NEVER know what he's thinking about when he's rubbing one out!

Plus I find the more, and better sex I'm having, the more I masturbate and as I've said before, they're both massively different experiences!

Do you ladies never enjoy a 'moment to yourselves'? :confused:

[Synnen]

I can not believe this thread is still going.

[iAMfromHuntersBar]

Seriously Synnen? Ha ha!

I can! I imagine it's a big issue that affects a large number of people around the world... I bet a lot more people read this thread than post to it!

Or were you just being ironic and helping keep it going?

[l12]

Been there... Just found out and it devastated because we haven't been together and I felt neglected... he was getting off and I was just doing without... Being a Christian, that hurt a lot... we're still trying to heal... so the bottom line is... If he's not doing it with you and your consent... there's a problem... You need to be His focus and you guys need to talk if you want your relationship to move on. Hang in there and take care of yourself first... (it's not being selfish... which I've been told) It's a fact!

[Synnen]

<closed>

[thinkbout123]

Look in his recycle bin for deleted videos. They never suspect this... especially if he downloads them and then forgets to clean out his recycle bin.