[johannsson35]

I feel like a complete failure because I’m either extremely lazy or mentally ill.

I’m 19… going to be 20 in December and I’ve only had one job my entire life. It was a temporary job in retail. Ever since I can remember, I’ve been a lazy person. I slacked off on chores, school, everything. In high school I changed and did all of my homework, but I never really looked for a job, maybe once or twice. I kept saying I was going to get my license, get my license. I’m 19 now, two weeks shy of finishing my first year at uni and I have no job, and no license. I’ve taken medication my whole life… first for ADHD, now I’m taking just my 200mg of Zoloft everyday for anxiety. I’ve always had this fear I was going to become a homeless person due to my laziness and lack of motivation to find a job. Deep down I want to find a job and become successful, but I can never seem to be able to. When I’m away from uni, I spend my time on Facebook, tumblr, listening to music and being a loner. I try to motivate myself to find a job and make something of my useless self. It never works. I’m the same way when it comes to my love life… I’ve been single my whole life. I always tell myself, I’m going to find a girlfriend. It never happens. I have a feeling in a couple years (maybe more, maybe less) I’ll be homeless, druggie, or dead. This scares me hell a lot… yet I can’t find myself helping to prevent it. There’s a **** as public transportation system in my area, so getting a job would most likely require a car. No license = no car, no car = no job, no job = no money, no money = dept, dept = homelessness. I will owe about $10.000 - 15.000 when I’m done with uni. My future scares me. I’m going nowhere, and I can’t force myself…

To make things even more complicated, I've been pushing everyone away more and more over the past few months... since August. I avoid phone calls from friends, make up excuses why I can't hang out or do anything, I try to just be a loner and forget everything else. I feel like I'm seriously going mental... like I'm going to become a psychopath or crazy criminal. These thoughts scare me, as does not having a job, or being homeless. I often think that if I can't get myself to find myself a job in two-five years, I'll just kill myself. No, NO, I am NOT suicidal. But even if this was the case, and I committed suicide for that reason... it wouldn't be a lost. If anything I'd be helping society out by eliminating another useless user who has nothing to offer to society, and is selfish/unworthy of the life given to them.

[dontknownuthin]

First of all, you're 19 and you've had one job. That's good. Many people don't get a job until they are 18. You are very young and still an appropriate age to start your adult life.

Second, you are probably in clinical depression. I recommend you see a psychologist and a psychiatrist. You may be misdiagnosed with ADHD and may be over medicated. My son has ADHD and when his meds were too high, he felt like a slug - not able to do anything. So, bring your meds to a doctor and get a fresh perspective - not the doctor who prescribed them all.

Third, you probably don't know exactly what you want to do. Go to your local community college for career counseling. They have all kinds of tests and assessments that can help you figure out what your personality is best suited for. If something interests you, start researching it.

Fourth, if you don't know what you want to be when you grow up, you need to go to college. You don't have to have a major for the first two years and most people have no clue what they want to do or be when they enter college. However, by starting and getting core classes out of the way, you are able to take a bit more time to figure it out while also making the time count. If you don't have money, again, a community college is a great option - you can usually cover the whole thing with basic financing options from the school like student loans and pell grants. On your FAFSA form you also will check the box saying you'd like a campus job. Then you get preferential treatment to get hired on campus - you be a student, work in food service or the book store or whatever. Take your time to figure out what you want to do, and make new friends.

Some people your age think they need to know exactly what they want to do. Most people don't at 19. So, reach out to people who work with people coming out of high school for a living, all the time - those college admission counselors. If you are thinking of a trade, go visit some trade schools. I would recommend the military but it is not an option if you have been on meds for ADHD.

Also be aware of this - we all go through dark times in life. The point is to keep going through them, and not stop in the middle. Think of it this way - if you were on a long car trip, would you stop for lunch in the creepiest, ugliest, least appetizing spot along the route? No - you just keep moving forward toward something on the other side of the ugly.

You just need to find something to work toward, and you need help to do it - so make some calls and go get that help.

[johannsson35]

Thank you so much for your reply! That' true I guess. It's just my dad is always bugging me find a job. Like I said, I had that one job but that's just one but it's better than none I reckon.

That's what I thought as well. I've been medicated since I was five... many different medications. Ridilin, Adderal (from about age 8-15), Vyvanes (from about age 15-17). I finally stopped taking my ADHD meds for good back in my junior year I reckon it was. I was also on Risperidone for many years (age 10-17 I think it was). I stopped taking that one as well. I took Prozac but stopped, as my doctor said it was bad for me. I've been on 200mg of Zoloft for about five years or so now. I do see a psychologist and psychiatrists.

I'm attending a community college at the moment, studying IT Support. I've always liked computers and stuff. I keep telling myself to apply for on-campus jobs but keep forgetting.

I've considered the military, but I don't believe I'd be cut out for it at all... physically and emotionally. I always have, and still am tiny for a bloke my age... 5'5" (167cm) and about 110lbs (51kg).

That's actually a very good way of putting it. That is true. Sort of like a movie I reckon.. do you want to stop on a sad point? Or keep watching for a happy point?

Thank you, once again! :)

[dontknownuthin]

OK - forget the military. At least in the US, if you've been medicated in the past for ADD or ADHD, you are not eligible. I found that out when my son looked into ROTC. So, one decision made.

You like IT and can make good money in that field - great. You're in school - great again. So, remaining issue - you need a job.

10 to 20% of the adult population needs a job, or a better job than we have. So, your life is not a disaster - you are in school, moving forward. You need a job - that's a problem that has a solution. You will have a lot of problems in your life - we all do. Since you're in college, you don't need some big white collar professional job - any job will do. One option is to see what jobs are available on campus for students. That's the best situation because they will work around your course schedule, and save you on gas since you'll already be there. You can usually dress like a student too - no special clothes to buy, except maybe if you're in food service.

Otherwise, just start going into places around where you live. Factories tend to pay better than fast food. There may be lawn service jobs this time of year. Or go work a place like Home Depot, which hires a lot of people for the summer. They'll give you a lot of seasonal hours and you then have the summer to find something for fall. Or maybe if you do a great job, they'll keep you on longer.

There is a lesson in this. You started with a whole long diatribe about being a total failure. You actually are a success but need a job. Try in the future not to lump your problems and whole history of challenges into one big mess. You could take any person on the face of the earth, list their failures and say they are, on the whole, a total failure. That's true of Abraham Lincoln for example. He had failed businesses, failed political campaigns, financial losses and his marriage was difficult. He was in many ways the most hated man of his time. But we look at him as one of our greatest heroes today. It's a matter of what you choose to focus on.

Be kind to yourself - the fact that you have had challenges doesn't count unless you didn't live through them. If you don't live through them, you're done counting anyway.

[johannsson35]

Sadly yes, you're right. I can't join and even if I was able to do so, I'd be more a burden than an asset to them.

Indeed, IT will always be a growing field. However, it is shrinking in some areas... specifically hardware.

Really? It's that high? I would have though the national unemployment rate was only about 8%. That's fair enough, you have a point. I am in school, so that very thought means I care to extent about my future and am furthering my education to create a better life for myself. I've looked into the on-campus jobs, they're currently not hiring. However.. I've applied for numerous other places in my city and I'm going to apply at Lowe's as well.

There used to be factories here, but they've all since closed sadly. I suppose I could mow lawns for neighbours and what not?

You're right. I suppose I simply got too over my head, sorry about that. I sometimes just freak out and go mental about things. Everyone has their demons I reckon, like you said. Lincoln indeed was hated, even by a specific number of Northerners despised him.

I will try and have a more positive outlook on things from now on, thank you for your kind words and speedy replies... it means a lot actually. Thank you! :3

[johannsson35]

Hi guys, it's been a while since my last post. I reckoned I'd give you a bit of update. I forgot to mention in the original post that I have had one job in my life time. It was a temporary job working at furniture store called Restoration Hardware. I quite enjoyed the job. It involved moving furniture, un-loading truck loads of furniture, wrapping, and unwrapping of furniture, etc.. Sadly I was unable to permanently as my dad has a permanent part time job there that he works for one night a week and every Saturday. I worked there whenever they needed me for extra help (sale weeks). I worked from 20 May 2012- 29 May 2012. 27 June - 5 July, and then about a week and half at the end of August until 6 September. I was recently welcomed back in May. I worked from 22 May to 30 May straight. I made a nice paycheck. But now I have no job. I might be asked to return in July, but again it'd only be temporary. I've applied at other places such as Menards (even had an interview), and other retail stores. I haven't applied at fastfood aside from Jimmy Johns. I know I really should, but for some reason I haven't. I have this same problem I've always had now... wanting to find a job deep down, but never actually trying hard enough to find one. Sure, I apply for places, maybe 2-5 a week but there's no real effort. I do chores around the house, and try to make myself somewhat useful but I still feel like a huge bum and a useless disgrace to my family. My dad works his off with two jobs, my two sisters are successful (both graduated from university) one has a job at a charity organization, the other just graduated from nursing school and is looking for a job in nursing. I'm a bum. My doctor reckons I have OCD and possible aspergers.

[Wondergirl]

Have you tried UPS or a similar company? My Asperger's husband loved working there when we were first married. It sounds like you need a job with structure and also with routine -- routine that might be mind-numbing to some, but works well for you. Oh, and maybe apply at public libraries near where you live. They also need young people to shelve books, look for interlibrary loan books to send out, do breakdown of boxes (lots of boxes of new books arrive every day), taking inventory, etc. Or volunteer at one to get your foot in the door. Let me know if you need a leg up with libraries.

[binaural24]

Have you heard of a book called "Your Drug May Be Your Problem" by Peter Breggin? It sounds like you may be seriously over-medicated and your medication is completely crushing your spirit and your will to do anything. I have taken Zoloft a couple of times and it made it difficult to even bring myself to get out of bed. You may need a new psychiatrist who will help you very slowly wean off at least some of your medication.

I don't see any problem with not having a job at 19 if you are a college student. But, I would recommend being willing to at least work in a grocery store and volunteer one day a week with something you are interested in. Not just for the sake of having something to put on a resume, but also because it will help you learn what you like and don't like. You are extremely young and if you waste these next few years doing nothing, you are going to regret it so much in the future.

I would definitely also start seeing a good counselor each week to help you through some of your negative thought patterns. They are keeping you set back and you don't seem to be getting better on your own. The longer you leave your problems untreated, the bigger they will grow. There's also some books that can help you work through some of your problems on your own, for instance "The Feeling Good Handbook" teaches you how to do Cognitive Behavioral Therapy on yourself, which is what most counselors will do.

Whatever you do, don't isolate yourself from your friends, unless they are a negative influence on you. If so, then as you start becoming emotionally better, seek out more positive people to be friends with.

I do think you are struggling with clinical depression. God created you with a purpose and He has good plans for your life. Let His light begin to fill each area of your life, little by little. It is a gradual process but He is faithful. All of the thoughts in your mind that tell you that you are a failure and you have no future are lies. But, your brain cannot distinguish between truth and a lie. It believes whatever you tell it. Your emotions are a product of your thoughts. If your thoughts are wrong, your emotions will be wrong. Depression is not from God.

[johannsson35]

Sorry that I haven't replied to all of your posts... I kept meaning to, but got distracted. I've visited both my psychologist's and psychiatrist's and they've both concluded and diagnosed me withuncategorized bipolar. The way it was described to me makes sense. When I'm manic, I'm full of energy, my confidence is inflated, I require less sleep, I'm extremely motivated (looking for a job, working around the house, etc... ), and more sociable. When I'm in the down mood I'm withdrawn, in-confident, sometimes even hopeless and I lose interests in my favourite things. My sister, who recently got her nursing licenses reckons this is an accurate diagnosis. She says the problem with me getting treatment on the psychological side is that neither my dad or my mum believe I'm bipolar. My dad dismisses it, claiming "oh, everyone has that every now and then. It's the new thing now, if doctors can't tell for sure what you have, you're bipolar to them." My mum; being the probable cause to all my problems being she's an alcoholic, and always drunk and yelling at me and destroying the family from the inside out, claims I'm nowhere near being bipolar. It sucks, I want to get better and be a happier, better, nicer person who people would enjoy... but I feel I can't do this without my parents help. I've learned that bipolar cause actually reduce life expectancy by 9.5 years. I'm scared, I don't want to die young.

[Fr_Chuck]

No, you really do not "really want a job" if you did, you would get one, you are happy with your life, doing nothing, since someone is paying all the bills for you. Yes you will end up homeless if you do not change.

The great thing is, you are still a kid ( sorry you are) so you change, each day, leave the computer off and actually go outside, and go find a job, a low entry job, a food place, does not matter, get a job and start changing your life.

[dontknownuthin]

no, you really do not "really want a job" if you did, you would get one, you are happy with your life, doing nothing, since someone is paying all the bills for you. Yes you will end up homeless if you do not change.

The great thing is, you are still a kid ( sorry you are) so you change, each day, leave the computer off and actually go outside, and go find a job, a low entry job, a food place, does not matter, get a job and start changing your life.

True, Fr. To the OP, this is the thing if it... it's good to treat psych issues but the main treatment has to be behavioral. Just because you have some lengthy lecture to explain an area if life in which you struggle does not mean you don't have to be accountable to be responsible.

Rather, you come to understand why something's hard and commit to expend greater, not less, commitment, time, and
Energy to doing what you must.

Meds can help, so can counseling. But what will help most is entirely on you.

Go to bed no later than ten Sunday they Thursday. Get up no later than 7 Monday they Friday. Get a daytime job... weird shifts and sleep disruption adds to mental issues. Take a shower when you first get up, then get dressed and make your bed. Eat healthy. Exercise daily... very effective for managing both highs and lows. Do not turn the television on until you have put in a full, productive day. Turn it off by ten. Do not play any video games... live in reality instead. Plan at least one or two social events a week, whether family dinner or movie with a friend. Pay bills on time, register for school then go to class, do the work.

When you do what responsible people do, you will slowly erase bad feelings about yourself. You will be too busy living to worry about all this esoteric garbage and obsess about yourself.

If you have nobody to hang out with, go to church or volunteer or join a club or take a fitness or cooking class... just go out and live.

If you sit home psychoanalyzing yourself, you will stay stuck.

[johannsson35]

I do have a seasonal job... it's at a furniture store and I work there in May/early June, late June-early July and late August-early September. It's all physical work which I like to be honest. Sure, it's not a "real job". But from the money I earn from this job I have bought ALL of my clothing in the past year to this day, including shoes, etc.. I've bought all of my recreational stuff (I play rugby for my university, so this includes cleats, shorts, socks, etc.. ). On top of my personal expenses, I help buy groceries every now and then, and help buy out by buying lunch/dinner every now and then. I buy gas for my dad, and some other expenses. I do 90% of all the house work; cleaning dishes, cutting the grass, sorting/folding clothes, changing the cat boxes, taking the rubbish out, cleaning the bathrooms etc... I would do the laundry myself, but my mum is an angry drunk who's always drunk, peeing on the coach, floor, stairs, etc.. Destroying the family from the inside out and for what ever reason... she will NOT let me run the washing machine. I know how to use it, she's just a stubborn drunk who does nothing all day except get drunk, sleep on the coach, peeing everywhere, and stealing money from my dad and myself to support her drinking habits (which have always existed, she picked me up from school completely drunk when I was about 13. She ended getting arrested and went to rehab only to come home and start drinking right away). She's been to rehab about six times, and choses to come out each time and start drinking. I realise I'm a bit of a loser, but it's not like I "enjoy my life, doing nothing". I'm trying to get my life together, start working and become less of a loser. I'm attending a community college, because let's face it; there are no good jobs available in this economy without at least some college. If I can live off my savings from each summer during my time in school, I should be able to get through (given I don't find work before then; I've been applying and hopefully something turns up) uni and find a decent job once I'm done. There's one thing I never really understood though; it seems so many of the jobs I've applied for and also interviewed for and been denied, end up being taken by less honest people. I'm not perfect, but by a long shot. But I'm an honest, dependable and hardworking person. I don't drink (especially since I'm under-aged), I don't smoke, I don't abuse drugs, I'm always dependable and on time.. and yet, I'm rarely if ever considered for a job but people who are often late, smoke a lot, are often hung over get hired over me? That makes no sense to me. Why hire immature, irresponsible people when you can hire hardworking and honest people?

[dontknownuthin]

You are in a low level job based on age, education and experience. You aren't a loser but your home life is a losing proposition so work at moving out.

One step at a time. Rugby, work, school, friends - that's a full life. You will get better work as you do a good job, build experience and references, and get more education.

[N0help4u]

As Long as you have motivation and desire you have a chabce. As far as the military if you are off your meds for one year you have q chance BUT Its not at all a good ideabto just quit them. CPS has my sons on psyxhotropic fruta for ADHD most if their life. AQfter they got off them they said they could not believe how bad those antidepressant drugs has their brain in a fog. My one son takes holiatic supplements now. My other son was in the Army for 4 years and now fights wildfires out west.. You Should find a holistic Dr that is a chiropractor and have him help you.

[johannsson35]

Hi folks, I just reckoned I'd give an update; I've got a job now! I guess all the negativity and self-hating was pointless. Thanks again! :3

[Fr_Chuck]

Sometimes we have to almost hit bottom, to climb up. And no job is bad, some are lower paying than others,

I am glad you have one, time to become the person you want to be

[N0help4u]

My son was on adhd meds and they told him as Long as he was off meds for a year he could join. Vitamin B complex works wonders for my lazy blah moods