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SAB123 · Mar 21, 2007, 05:33 AM

I've been dating this girl for about 5 yrs. I met her when I was 29 and she was 36. I took thing very slow to make sure she was the one.In the 5 yrs I have broken up with her twice and she has broken up with me at least 5-6 time she wanted to get married rite away I wanted to buy a house by myself to see what it was like to live on my own. That pissed her off and has been an roller coaster ride since then. When we where together I did a lot for her and her son.We didn't spend a lot of time together but we love each other very much.I do know she didn't cheat on me.But all the times she broke up and came back she said she was miserable without me and like wise with me.And her son talked about me when we were broken up and he missed me.I did make her mad sometimes.I bought a ring for her last march but gave it to her in August 2006. At this time I was going threw some very series back problems (in pain Alot) and worried about slowing down at work. So I wasn't jumping up and down when a proposed to her. She did like to spend money and didn't do a lot for me because of the house.But she is very good person. The first break up I did say some bad things about her to my friends and some don't like her because of that and her breaking up with me a lot. I spent a lot of money on the ring and gave her $2000.00 for new boobs in Jan. We got in a huge fight a couple of days after she got them done.It's been about six weeks since we e-mailed each other. In the email she said I broke up with her witch is not true. Then with some other excuses for breaking up with me she said I never loved her If I did I woud have been excited about the wedding planning the future telling my friend rite away that we got engaged I told them As I saw them.Her ex husband cheated on her and did a lot of thing to hurt her. But also told me That she was worried about him because he was a drug addict and was scared that he was going to die. She also said in one of the e-mails she loved me more then her Ex husband.She refuse to give the ring back and found out a couple of days ago from my sisters from what my ex's mom told them is she feels that we will be getting back together and I saw her mom about 3 weeks ago that she just comes home from work and lays around. She is a very busy person when she's happy. I guess what my question is she coming back and is she using the ring as away to control me. I love this woman and her son very much. I do know she loves me very much. She also said in e-mail I don't think we can give each other what we want. Even after all the break ups I can't get her out of my mind. I did talk to a free psychic and she believes we will be getting back together. She did say a lot about ex that was true.I just need to know that's why I called. But I guess until she does come back then I will believe it. She signed up for match.com about 3 weeks after she broke up with me. Then I signed up about 3 weeks after her not really to find somebody but to let her read and see my profile. After she saw it it took her about a week to go back on.And believe it or not what we are looking for in a person from are profiles are same. I don't know if anybody believe in the signs when you are born but she is a Aries and I am a virgo and are personalities from what they say on them are 95% accurate. She did say once its not if I could live with you rather If I could live without you. So if some one can give me some advise or if you think she will be back again.Because I do want her back again?

chuff · Mar 22, 2007, 05:56 PM

As far as the ring goes, I do think she's using it to control you. I think you should demand it back or sue her for the cost of the ring. You gave that to her in exchange for her hand in marriage and she didn't come through.

Second, I can't exactly tell you what's going on in her head but she obviously goes from high to low and back again. It just seems like she can't make a complete decision I guess I don't see how you can stay with someone who wants you then doesn't then does.

I realize you want her back so the only thing I would suggest is quit talking to her for a period and see if she contacts you but don't wait forever on her.

talaniman · Mar 23, 2007, 07:40 AM

Whew what a lot to think about. I am unclear how long you've been broken up and can only guess about 6 weeks, and she hasn't talked to you since. If this is the case then you should get your ring back, and leave her alone and move on. The rest is drama and let me guess, not enough communication or you were not very good at it. After 5 years , you should almost be able to read her mind in my opinion. Some body has issues they need to resolve.

SAB123 · Mar 27, 2007, 08:46 AM

It was her birthday Fri 23 and I e-mailed her and was joking around with me and we e-mailed each oyher back today. But no answer about gettingt back she said thanks for caring about her and her son.

JoeCanada76 · Mar 30, 2007, 11:26 PM

Hello, I read your question. I also read your private message to me about the same situation.

First I would like to ask how old are you and how old is she?

In what you have written there sounds to be a lot of immaturity. Immaturity and wanting to be physically enhanced. Wanting to have someone that is physically appealing especially somebody with money.

You do understand that the relationship you talk about does not sound like a relationship. For me it sounds like something that is convenient for her and her son. Your being used to be able to take care of her and her son.

Her obsession with looks, boobs and money worries me a whole lot.

Your reacting to everything she says and does and even you admit you do not spend quality time together so that tells me that the relationship is not that strong. You might know of her for the past five years but it does not seem like it has lots of substance.

The immaturity is not just her problem from the sounds of it but you are lacking maturity as well. You my friend are out seeking advice from pychics. Pychics may or may not be real. I do believe there are some that have gifts but just my personal feelings and thoughts from what is written by you is that it is OVER. That there needs to be an end to the madness that both you and her have been giving each other.

Another thing is basing your relationship on a compatibility through horoscopes. I have to admit at the beginning my wife and myself looked at that stuff, also else where. It was immature of us. We should know and of course we learned that we base it on how we treat each other, we base it on communication and love with each other. We base it on being best friends with each other. That we can not control everything. That all we should do is enjoy our time together and grow with each other. Not worry so much about the future which we can not predict. Just take each day, at a time as it comes.

There are paths in lives we all have to chose for ourselves. DO NOT BASE IT ON PYCHICS, OR ASTROLOGY.

You need to base it on what makes you happy, what you think is best for yourself. Decisions that you have to make for yourself. You can not base it on others, you can definitely get opinions of others and thoughts. It stops there.

THE FINAL STEP, WHETHER YOU DECIDE IT IS OVER OR NOT. DO NOT BASE YOUR WHOLE LIFE ON WHETHER SHE WANTS TO COME BACK TO YOU OR NOT.

YOU NEED TO STAND UP FOR YOURSELF. YOU NEED TO MAKE DECISIONS FOR YOURSELF TO ALLOW THIS OR NOT ALLOW THIS. TO MOVE ON OR NOT TO MOVE ON.

MY Opinion,

Is that this will always be a problem. Your always going to go through turmoil. This should be used as a learning lesson. That it is not worth going back and forth. Hoping for somebody to come back that are just playing head games with you and your falling for every single one of them.

Stop tormenting yourself and let this person go for good. That is my advice.

Joe

SAB123 · Apr 1, 2007, 07:35 AM

I've been doing a lot of thinking and you and every one is rite about this. I don't want to admit this but I always felt she called or came over to my house when she wanted something or something done. I AM going to let her go for good now and move on. It sounds silly but I still do love her and miss her and can't stop thinking about her but time will heel this 5 year roller coaster ride. And our age s are, she just turned 41 last week and I will be 35 in August.

JoeCanada76 · Apr 1, 2007, 07:48 AM

You can not just stop feeling love. You have that feeling and it does not sound silly. Roller coaster rides, some of them turn out to be worth it. There is always ups and downs but this person was treating you like a door mat. You were only good to her as long as you bought everything for her and took care of her son. So I would say you are better off. Age does not matter. You, one day will find somebody that is more down to earth and less about physical and money.

Best wishes to you.

Joe

SAB123 · Apr 5, 2007, 07:29 AM

Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

You can not just stop feeling love. You have that feeling and it does not sound silly. Roller coaster rides, some of them turn out to be worth it. There is always ups and downs but this person was treating you like a door mat. You were only good to her as long as you bought everything for her and took care of her son. So I would say you are better off. Age does not matter. You, one day will find somebody that is more down to earth and less about physical and money.

Best wishes to you.

Joe

March 27 I stopped e-mailing her. But did leave her a message that her son was 7 year old son was at school and no one there to pick him up and for her to call someone to pick him up. And I didn't want to because I don't want to give him the wrong idea and said Bye. I said it fast and to the point. I recevied an e-mail say thanks for looking out for him and wanted to have me drop off her sons bed to her. I told her that would be find and let me know when you and her son would not be their so I could drop it off. I just hope she's not up to her old tricks again. She could have have her sons 19 yr old step brother call. But when she does replay back. I have written a email saying I will always love you but I am moving on and to leave me alone for ever. I was doing so good today not missing her and then she emails me. I know this is for the best but now It's like I'm back at square one again. And this is how she got her foot back into my life.

talaniman · Apr 5, 2007, 09:34 AM

Make sure she gets all her stuff back and move forward.

SAB123 · Apr 5, 2007, 01:04 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Make sure she gets all her stuff back and move forward.

I just e-mailed her and said just that. I want to say thank you for your help I was upset all day today because she did e-mail me and I feel a lot better now! Noing there are people out their who care. Thank you my friend. And I will keep you informed on the hole situation.

modular01 · Apr 6, 2007, 04:40 PM

Originally Posted by SAB123

I just e-mailed her and said just that. I want to say thank you for your help I was upset all day today because she did e-mail me and I feel alot better now! Noing their are people out their who care. Thank you my friend. And I will keep you informed on the hole situation.

Do you have any friends that you have talked to about this? Have they been any help?
It's a difficult situation from the sounds of it. I wish you the best of luck and I hope that time heals your wounds, and that you find the right one.

SAB123 · Apr 8, 2007, 10:25 AM

Originally Posted by modular01

Do you have any friends that you have talked to about this? Have they been any help?
It's a difficult situation from the sounds of it. I wish you the best of luck and I hope that time heals your wounds, and that you find the right one.

My friends are sick of the hole situation and can't really talk about with them because she breaks up with me and I still keep taking her back. Not this time. And on the email I sent this last week I told her I didn't want to ever see her or son again. And I couldn't hang out with her son in the future. Because I wasn't going to hang out while she out with a boyfriend or showing off boobs trying to pick up guys. So the nice guy I am I drop off bed etc and their is another guy there. I was so upset that she would do that noing I was going to be there at noon. I did see the guy and I know it he wasn't her type but the fact she had him their hurts. But in a way it really shows me what type of person she really was.

JoeCanada76 · Apr 8, 2007, 10:43 AM

Originally Posted by SAB123

My friends are sick of the kole situation and can't really talk about with them because she breaks up with me and I still keep takeimg her back. Not this time. And on the email I sent this last week I told her I didn't want to ever see her or son again. And I couldn't hang out with her son in the future. Brcause I wasn't going to hang out while she out with a boyfriend or skowing off boobs trying to pick up guys. So the nice guy I am I drop off bed etc and thier is another guy there. I was so upset that she would do that noing I was going to be there at noon. I did see the guy and I know it he wasn't her type but the fact she had if their hurts. But in a way it realy shows me what type of person she really was.

Exactly, it shows exactly what type of person she is. It is better you see that now and you have taken the steps of not being stooped again.

Best wishes.

Joe

hair2007 · Apr 8, 2007, 04:56 PM

Originally Posted by SAB123

My friends are sick of the kole situation and can't really talk about with them because she breaks up with me and I still keep takeimg her back. Not this time. And on the email I sent this last week I told her I didn't want to ever see her or son again. And I couldn't hang out with her son in the future. Brcause I wasn't going to hang out while she out with a boyfriend or skowing off boobs trying to pick up guys. So the nice guy I am I drop off bed etc and thier is another guy there. I was so upset that she would do that noing I was going to be there at noon. I did see the guy and I know it he wasn't her type but the fact she had if their hurts. But in a way it realy shows me what type of person she really was.

I really feel for you, I go through the same things, only I'm the girl... my friends are so sick of hearing about it and seeing it... its hard to think they can do these things to you. They are such selfish people.
There has been no contact for me for about 2 weeks now, its hard but you have to really ask yourself why you would let someone treat you like that... dont contact her at all, too much stress... gd luck

SAB123 · Apr 9, 2007, 05:52 AM

Originally Posted by hair2007

i really feel for you, i go through the same things, only im the girl... my friends are so sick of hearing about it and seeing it...its hard to think they can do these things to you. they are such selfish people.
there has been no contact for me for about 2 weeks now, its hard but you have to really ask yourself why you would let someone treat you like that...dont contact her at all, to much stress...gd luck

Thanks for your support. My Ex was bosey, aways talking about money, aways yelling at me, hate to here no for answer and thinking about it now the most selfish person I ever met and I think she did 6 things for me the hole 5 years. I'm not missing her as much now,maybe because she broke up with me so many times. But I'm more hurt know because I realize how evil she is. I'm think of the future now and one day new girl friend and if/when she comes back to see me happy without her. Just to show you what type of person she was to me. Last July had a foot drop and found out I have 5 disks out on lower back and 4 on top (very seroius problems) When I told her that she said well who's going to mow my lawn now. Till this day I'm very hurt she said that.

hair2007 · Apr 9, 2007, 06:57 AM

Originally Posted by SAB123

Thanks for your support. My Ex was bosey, aways talking about money, most of the time yelling/complaining at me, didn't like here no for an answer and thinking about it now the most selfish person I ever met and I think she did 6 things for me the hole 5 years. I'm not missing her as much now,maybe because she broke up with me so many times. But I'm more hurt know because I realize how evil she is. I'm think of the future now and one day new girl friend and if/when she comes back to see me happy without her. Just to show you what type of person she was to me. Last July had a foot drop and found out I have 5 disks out on lower back and 4 on top (very seroius problems) When I told her that she said well who's going to mow my lawn now. Till this day I'm very hurt she said that.

Yeah its always about them!! always.. I can see that now more so that I'm looking in the window, try not to think about the things she has said, it will make you crazy.. I it does it to me.
I think I hold the record for getting back and fourth with my ex, only he says he's commitment phobic, yet we were married to.. lol.. its all about them and how they are feeling that day. That's not worth it, id rather be single...

SAB123 · Apr 9, 2007, 08:13 AM

Everyone told me she was using me even her sons dad. (She didn't have her son with her husband) I just didn't want to here it from anybody because I did love her and her son. I guess love is blind to some people and I do know one day she will be calling or trying to find out where I'm living when I sell my house. She live 8 blocks from me. She was very forgetful of things and I always thought every break up she didn't know what she was doing. Maybe she getting signs of mental problems/Bi polar. Her mom is taking medication for mental problems

hair2007 · Apr 9, 2007, 05:13 PM

Originally Posted by SAB123

Everyone told me she was using me even her sons dad. (She didn't have her son with her husband) I just didn't want to here it from anybody because I did love her and her son. I guess love is blind to some people and I do know one day she will be calling or trying to find out where I'm living when I sell my house. She live 8 blocks from me. She was very forgetful of things and I always thought every break up she didn't know what she was doing. Maybe she getting signs of mental problems/Bi polar. Her mom is taking medication for mental problems

So funny, my ex lives about 10 houses up from my business, that's why it so easy for him to come around and see me when he thinks he loves me again and can't live without me...

Of course she will be back, one way or another, they are so selfish though, they come back for the wrong reasons... if and when she does I hope its for real for u, if it isn't I so hope u are moved on. Its so hard no matter what happens. That's why I love this site, I came on it by accident, it helps a lot... ( :

SAB123 · Apr 10, 2007, 06:04 AM

For anyone who would like to read my private messages that I have sent to Jesushelper and Talaniman to help them in their recovery.
Please let me know and I will send them to anybody who would like to know rest of this very hurtful, realalistic story.( It may help you if you are going through same thing) Thanks everyone.

SAB123 · Apr 10, 2007, 01:07 PM

Is it normal to start getting upset and thinking more about her son then her. Does this mean I'm starting to get over her. And I don't know if I will ever stop thinking about them but how will I know when to start dating someone again. Will the first girl always be a rebound. Because I'm the type of person who doesn't want to hurt a person feelings. Maybe that why I always took her back. But I can say one thing NO one will ever treat me like that ever again.(Myoriginal Post is my Ex Fiancé coming Back Again)