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Mixen · Apr 9, 2013, 02:59 PM

I am married. 15 years ago I moved out of a town when my ex and I broke it off. 2 weeks after he got married due to his circumstances at the time having a child with the lady he is married to today. I was invited to his wedding knowing I am his ex. And on the night of his wedding he gave a speech and said pointing to me at the table that he is sorry but I know how he feels about me. I left the wedding in tears as I knew that he made his choice even if it was not what he wanted.

An hour after I left he came looking for me. A week later I left with out saying goodbye and made a promise that I never want to see him again. The after 15 years my cousin passed away and I attended the funeral. That is when I saw him again I felt like a could die because I knew that I will always love him and might leave my husband which is so wrong of me to think that. But he came up to me took my hand and I never spoke a word and walked away. After that I returned back home and two days after that I get this call. He asked me if we are enemies and that he felt so bad because I looked at him as if I hate him. I then said no I never meant it in that way it is just that he was the last person I wanted to see. He then asked me why and I told him that he made his decision years ago and that hurt me. He then told me I knew what the situation was at the time. Yes I did and I was a bit young as well.

But that he looked for me all these years. I then told him we should just not worry it is fine. Then he called again. I never answered his call instead I sent him a message saying I should have told you this years ago but I could not. One day your'e going to remember me and how much I loved you. Then your'e going to hate yourself for letting me go. Because you knew that is how you felt about me too." Tell me if I am wrong. He then called me and said to me yes he feels he should say this to me and not reply by message that yes he regrets everything he did and that he feels so bad and just wish that he can be given a chance to fix what he broke.

What do I do I can write a book but just no time.

JudyKayTee · Apr 9, 2013, 03:48 PM

Is he still married? I find it difficult to understand why his wife is still "around" after the speech following his wedding, but...

Are you married? In a relationship?

talaniman · Apr 9, 2013, 03:53 PM

Stop playing with each others feelings and live in reality within the boundaries of good behavior. If you can't, stop contacting each other. Don't care about the history or passion you shared. That's over and you both have spouses. I mean didn't you learn years ago how this love would turn out?

Only a fool would expect after 15 years things would be different. Forget the long story, deal with the real life you have and not the fantasy you want.

Homegirl 50 · Apr 9, 2013, 06:08 PM

Is he still married, let sleeping dogs lie. 15 years is a long time. Seeing him again brought back old pain and feelings. Walk away from this. It can only lead to more pain.

Mixen · Apr 10, 2013, 02:07 AM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Is he still married? I find it difficult to understand why his wife is still "around" after the speech following his wedding, but ...

Are you married? In a relationship?

Yes we both married. So should I just ignore it. And if he divorce his wife then what.

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Is he still married, let sleeping dogs lie. 15 years is a long time. Seeing him again brought back old pain and feelings. Walk away from this. It can only lead to more pain.

I don't say you wrong by saying it is bringing back hurt. It sure is. That is why I relocated and never made it possible for him to find me. That is why he said that he has been looking for me all these yrs and cannot let go of me now.we both selfish bcause we botth have our own lives but do we just stop loving each other and move on. Then you remain unhappy bcause you love someone else.

Homegirl 50 · Apr 10, 2013, 07:22 AM

You are both married. You owe it to your spouses to stay away from each other. He left you remember? He made his choice. 15 years is a long time. People change a lot in 15 years. I'm sure he has a children, do you? It's not just about you two.
Would you leave your husband if he left his wife? And what if things don't work out. You would have thrown away your marriage. Are you happy in your marriage?

Mixen · Apr 10, 2013, 10:54 AM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

You are both married. You owe it to your spouses to stay away from each other. He left you remember? He made his choice. 15 years is a long time. People change a lot in 15 years. I'm sure he has a children, do you? It's not just about you two.
Would you leave your husband if he left his wife? And what if things don't work out. You would have thrown away your marriage. Are you happy in your marriage?

Look every marriage has problems. Well mine has had a lot not that I say this will fix it no. Yes 15 yrs is a long time and people change. But love never changes true? I said to him that we should stop this and go on with our lives as it was. Bt he then told me he loves me and cannot let go not this time. I am no longer taking his calls or replying on his sms. So he sent me an sms saying that we must meet or he will come to me. I just ignored it too. Will he give up I doubt!!

Homegirl 50 · Apr 10, 2013, 11:35 AM

This man is disrespecting not only his marriage but you and yours. Love does change. How old were you when this happened? He needs to leave you alone. Block his messages to you and tell him to leave you alone.

talaniman · Apr 10, 2013, 12:06 PM

Originally Posted by Mixen

Look every marriage has problems. Well mine has had a lot not that I say this will fix it no. Yes 15 yrs is a long time and ppl change. But love never changes true? I said to him that we should stop this and go on with our lives as it was. Bt he then told me he loves me and cannot let go not this time. I am no longer taking his calls or replying on his sms. So he sent me an sms saying that we must meet or he will come to me. I just ignored it too. Will he give up I doubt!!!!

Not until you put a boot up his arse like you mean it. Other wise he will just keep coming until he wears you down. Or your husband finds out. And don't make love so dirty as you are doing as its clearly not healthy.

Kind of sick really when you think about it.

JudyKayTee · Apr 10, 2013, 02:12 PM

"Yes we both married. So should I just ignore it. And if he divorce his wife then what."

So if he divorces his wife, then you will divorce your husband? I pity both your husband and his wife.

If you are unhappy in your marriage, then divorce your husband and see what happens next. You are certainly both disloyal and cruel to your husband if you are playing at marriage, waiting for your "ex" to get unmarried so you can be together.

I'm also not so sure you're being true or honest to yourself.

How about trying to make it through life on your own instead of jumping from man to man?

You are powerless to ignore this man who disrespected his wife prior to their marriage, at their wedding reception - and now?

My experience as an investigator - I'm sure there are exceptions BUT he did it to her and he'll do it to you.

Mixen · Apr 12, 2013, 09:34 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Not until you put a boot up his arse like you mean it. Other wise he will just keep coming until he wears you down. Or your husband finds out. And don't make love so dirty as you are doing as its clearly not healthy.

Kind of sick really when you think about it.

Well all I can say is that love was never dirty one thing for sure. I said it was wrong of what we are doing and it must stop for sure. Please don't judge me as a bad person bcause this is what I avaoided all these yrs. Please don't judge me did not want this to happen. In fact we cannot do this it will break a lot of people and that I don't want. But like I say it is hard but we must move on

JudyKayTee · Apr 12, 2013, 09:49 AM

"... Please dnt judge me as a bad person bcause this is what I avaoided all these yrs. Pls dnt judge me did not want this to happen."

I cannot speak for my colleagues - I am judging you based on what you posted.

I don't happen to think "good people" who are married have affairs. As a person who was cheated on I have heard all of this before - I don't understand how you could do "this" to another person.

You didn't want "this" to happen? Last I heard we all had free will. Use yours.

I realize this is harsh - so be it.

talaniman · Apr 12, 2013, 09:53 AM

Originally Posted by Mixen

Well all I can say is that love was never dirty one thing for sure. I said it was wrong of what we r doing and it must stop for sure. Please dnt judge me as a bad person bcause this is what I avaoided all these yrs. Pls dnt judge me did not want this to happen. In fact we cannot do this it will break a lot of ppl and that I dnt want. But like I say it is hard but we must move on

I hear you talking, but words without actions are noise. They mean NOTHING!

Oops! You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to JudyKayTee again

Mixen · Apr 12, 2013, 02:50 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

"... Please dnt judge me as a bad person bcause this is what I avaoided all these yrs. Pls dnt judge me did not want this to happen."

I cannot speak for my colleagues - I am judging you based on what you posted.

I don't happen to think "good people" who are married have affairs. As a person who was cheated on I have heard all of this before - I don't understand how you could do "this" to another person.

You didn't want "this" to happen? Last I heard we all had free will. Use yours.

I realize this is harsh - so be it.

Yes it is harsh but I take it. Well I also know what it is for a your man to cheat on you it hurts like hell. I never want anyone to get hurt. I said I loved him bt not that I will have an affair with him.infact I stopped taking his calls. So like I say I don't want this to go on like this let him just be another part of my life that I had "Passed Tense". I was just being honest of how I feel but I don't want this. As they say don't hate the player hate the game.

talaniman · Apr 12, 2013, 02:56 PM

I hate the game you are playing playa, because he is playing YOU, and you don't seem able to stop it. Its all up to YOU, playa. We don't hate you, just trying to get you going to do the right thing for yourself.

You seem stuck, and so helpless.

Mixen · Apr 12, 2013, 02:59 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

I hear ya talking, but words without actions are noise. They mean NOTHING!

Oops! You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to JudyKayTee again

Action has been taken... no longer taking his calls.nothhing els can be done as I stay like 900Kl from him. So any way for us to c each other again will. Be like never...

Mixen · Apr 12, 2013, 03:06 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

I hate the game you are playing playa, because he is playing YOU, and you don't seem able to stop it. Its all up to YOU, playa. We don't hate you, just trying to get you going to do the right thing for yourself.

You seem stuck, and so helpless.

Helpless!! Stuck in what! u. Just simply being nasty by naming me a PLAYA. But such is life. I am the wrong that is wrong for what I feel but I am human. And I sure do not want him that is the last thing I will ever do to any woman out there. But out out there to judge go ahead. As long as it makes u happy.

Homegirl 50 · Apr 12, 2013, 03:09 PM

This man left you and went to this lady he has a child with. Now after 15 years he is wanting to get with you again? I wonder if he has wandered off earlier in the marriage. He seems to have little respect for women. It's all about him.
You are not a teen. You are a grown woman who needs to stop look and listen. This man is not good. He does not even respect the fact that you're married or that he is married.
Work on your marriage and leave this guy alone.

JudyKayTee · Apr 13, 2013, 07:58 AM

In my case I disagree with "don't hate the player, hate the game." The woman MY husband cheated with did me a very big favor. I just didn't see it at the time.

I wouldn't say hate. I would say vehemently dislike. So I'm supposed to embrace her but hate the "game," whatever that means?

Your passive/aggressive stance makes you look even worse than you did - if that's possible.

Mixen · Apr 13, 2013, 02:16 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

In my case I disagree with "don't hate the player, hate the game." The woman MY husband cheated with did me a very big favor. I just didn't see it at the time.

I wouldn't say hate. I would say vehemently dislike. So I'm supposed to embrace her but hate the "game," whatever that means?

Your passive/aggressive stance makes you look even worse than you did - if that's possible.

We'll I don't have time to cheat nor put my family through all this. I just feel that I will not let my worth drop bcause yes it has been many yrs people change and life went on. I will always havefeelings for mr ex bt it will remain mine. I moved on and as they saying goes a leopard never changes it spots so be it. A man that cheats will always cheat and that I know bcause it happened to me in my marriage many times. In fact there is always a woman out there cheating with another woman's man. I was hurt many times with situations like that. Like I say I asked and you all answered me I ways I cannot imagine but I guess I would also have judged. Sometimes life just have ways to make one think a lot. Well I never wanted to feel that way for him that is why I never returned after so many years. But I did and I somehow know that was just feelings but it is over. And stopped!!