[thomas35]

My girlfriend of 3 years has pushed me aside for the last three months and just had a knee surgery plus a d&c a double whammy at once oh a tubal she had lots of testing and these surgeries was the outcome she won't allow me to help or come over we talk on the phone and she tells me that she deals with this type stuff better on her own .What do I do I care n love her sooo much I'm laying here crying because I'm so confused I should be there and she should want me there instead of pushing me away.What do I do? Somebody please!

[weendybezarius]

Probably she's insecure
Let her know she's beautiful the way she is.
Let her know how you feel about the situation and ask her why is she doing the things she does.

[joypulv]

Maybe she really does do better on her own.
Maybe you aren't the best at being 'helpful.' We don't know; we aren't there to ask her!
She's the one facing the realization that she can't give birth now, and not many men can appreciate what that's like. Someday she may be able to talk about it, and you just listen, don't say anything.

Is a family member with her, or a girlfriend? Drop off some food that is prepared, like a rotisserie chicken and some potato salad or boxes of Chinese takeout. Buy her a heating pad and a new pillow. Send her fresh flowers!
Above all, don't take it personally. This isn't about you right now.

[Fr_Chuck]

What type of relationship before, what were you doing, how were you dating?

[weendybezarius]

I think I got confused in your question sorry

[thomas35]

I apologise I can be more clear about this 18 months ago I was severely injured at work.I had a cervical disk fusion with a titanium cage and plates put in my neck and a shoulder surgery Prior to this injury I was to move in with my girlfriend but do to my injuries and required lots of care I moved out of my condo and in with my mother due to the fact I couldn't put the burden of caring for me on my girlfrien.She's employed a single mom trying to maintain a household and couldn't put that kind of strain on her trying to maintain her life style she was furious I moved home I was in therapy for 16 months healing I'm still not totally healed I was almost paralyzed and I know it put strain on us but I was injured well I've been mobile about 8 months now and our love life has stopped I'm very romantic caring I buy her flowers regularly dinners movies I'm in love with her and treat her well.I was to move in after Christmas so I furnished our whole house with all new furniture well her house which was to be ours So I started this process in October so it would be home to me as well when I made the move I've not been able to enjoy it since Xmas I have a house key but not a newer installed storm door key Smh!! So she has had some health issues and apparently this is why everything's been put on hold so after lots of testing as of wed she had arthroscopic knee surgery a tubal and a d&c due to terrible cramping and periods so I've done house cleaning for her flowers I've bought her all new pajamas for her to be comfortable in and I just want to be their for her but I think because my family cared for me and she couldn't that's why she doing this pushing me away but likevi said she works a mother of a 7 year old how could I burdon her with my injuries she should respect me for that we haven't had sex since Xmas I tell her how much she means to me and how much I appreciate and love her for being in my life I'm 37 years old and shouldn't be crying like a young man daily but I'm sorry I truly love her and my heart is hurting on a daily basis I'm confused on what to do she don't tell me she loves me anymore but calls and texts daily keep each other updated on our daily activity I'm trying to be strong about everything being put on hold supposedly due to these medical conditions and trying to get through her healing process but emotionaly being torn to pieces in the process its been since Xmas I'm sorry my love and feelings didn't change because she had medical problems and I'm so confused and lonely and lost:(

[thomas35]

She's not a drinker or a social butterfly non drug user she's a normal working mother she's either at work or home.I don't understand why she's doing this.

[thomas35]

She knows how I feel I wear my heart on my sleeve.Today I was crying thinking about all this and she had called I told her I'm hurting everyday week and month that's going by she said she's hurting also So I told her I just wanted to know we are going to be OK and she said yes eventually It's hard to sleep eat I get emotional but I love her and I'm trying to be patient while emotionally I'm a wreck and my hearts being ripped apart.

[thomas35]

She also tells me its about her right now.. It's not about us right now which is devastating to me.I feel like I'm being disrespected pushed aside and makes mymind go a thousand miles a minute.Somebody anyone please try to help me:c

[joypulv]

It is about her right now! Hey, you moved in with your mother when it was all about you!
This is not disrespect, so stop crying. It sounds more like whining.
When you were in a lot of pain, did you tend to ignore her offers of help? Give her a chance to do the same.
You still haven't said who is taking care of her. You do sound like you love her but you also sound selfishly needy for her. Love does mean sacrifice sometimes, so sacrifice. It's not about furnishing your house or buying pajamas. I didn't mean that it was about buying things. But I do think a woman always loves flowers, and anyone who is recovering from surgery appreciates cooked food. Cook it yourself and I'll bet her heart will melt. And don't you DARE let your mother do the cooking.

[thomas35]

She's doing it on her own the day after her procedures I visited did an errands for her helped her shower and now I know she's suffering I seen her in pain I'm not whining With all due respect I care deeply about her and love her I should be there to care for her that's what you do when you love someone.

[JudyKayTee]

No, that's not what you do when you love someone. When you love someone you respect their feelings and follow their wishes.

And, yes, it does sound like you are whining. Is there someone you can talk to? Your post reads like a blog, and I think you need to discuss this with someone.

[thomas35]

No.. I have nobody to talk to! That why Imlooking for guidance here.

[JudyKayTee]

Well, you've already received a ton of advice. Talking face to face is a lot different from posting on the Internet.

[thomas35]

I know.. I have a small family and their Outlook is not the rite thing to do! I have friends I could talk with,but I try not to involve them with my personal affairs people form opinions which r like holes everybody has one.I just want to do what's right and save my relationship .We had dinner yesterday which was nice and we had a nice hug and kiss on the lips which I've missed so much.I'm trying to be patient and supportive.It hurts to be pushed aside but I'm now learning how she was feeling which makes me so sad to know she had to be feeling the way I am now.She means everything to me