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curryrice · Jul 14, 2004, 06:42 AM

My twelve year old daughter has a hard time socially, for reasons which I can not explan, since I haven't a clue as to why. She knows many kids her age, but , she can not seem to "fit in".Some examples are--4 girls her age in the neighborhood, three of them together--and they exclude her. In school, few band together, and she is excluded form whtever they are banding together for and discussing. Since I know this is happening, my questions to the experts would be" how do I approach her, and what should I be asking her, so I can help her work on her social skills " , I have tried the" what do u think you are doing wrong, or "why don't they want you to be with them, yet, I don't want my questions to sound like I am accusing her, or making her feel any worse than she already feels, because she is always so excluded. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you

Jahiem28 · Jul 29, 2004, 10:50 PM

Hi this is a common problem. Some kids find it hard to fit in with other kids. One idea could be to have a party and invite the girls in the neighborhood. This would give your daughter a chance to be the center of attention. The deal with kids are your either popular or your not. Some kids just are not social and live a private life. Most of them grow out of it when they reach high school ;D GOOD LUCK

mike145k · Jun 30, 2005, 12:39 PM

At that age kids are cruel to each other of course,that's a reflection on the so called parents and in this case I bet your,divorced or separated if not your spouse has not been mentioned at all in the plead for help,don't get me wrong I sympathize for your daughter,as I said kids are cruel they pick on a weakness of the others and sometimes its obvious and other times its not.your mission as a parent is to find out the cause and fix it fast,try to get closer to your daughters needs,show her that you care more then ever to help her and don't give up.if your husband is the cause which I think he is some where's in this catastrophia.you will have to get rid of the hatred you have don't allow it to flow over into others happiness

serialwife · Jun 30, 2005, 02:35 PM

I think the party is a great idea. Perhaps a sleepover so they can get to know each other. Sometimes girls are just heinously cruel to one another. Encourage your daughter to branch out past the neighborhood clique.
Mike once again you astound me by your BRILLIANCE!!
Assumptions are dangerous. No one said this woman is a single parent, you just assumed since she didn't mention her husband. I don't feel compelled to talk about my husband constantly.

fredg · Jul 1, 2005, 05:45 AM

Hi,
If having a party doesn't work out, then I suggest seeing a counselor.
It doesn't have to be a school counselor, but a professional counselor, or a family counselor would be able to point you in the right direction.
Best of luck,
fredg

mike145k · Jul 2, 2005, 01:25 AM

Oh now come on here we have a little girl who has deep rooted problems unable to make friends always an outcast here is a family most likely a good family ,and they have issues and for you to think the answer to the problem is a party,that will not solve anything I am in shock to hear so many agree to this short coming idea.

mike145k · Jul 2, 2005, 01:39 AM

[QUOTE=serialwife]I think the party is a great idea.girls are just heinously cruel to one another.perhaps a sleep over

I ask would you let your daughter sleep over if you heard that discription of them girls as, heinous and .cruel what person would let there kids do thatsleep over or sleep there no matter which way you cut it it stinks putting your kids at risk with some demented person is not good advice

lickemlolly · Jul 4, 2005, 03:36 PM

Demented? how do you categorize a child as demented... I can see that you have no children at all.. yes children can be cruel but perhaps a social activity might encourage her social skills... I had a hard time fitting in until I was in high school... all the cool popular kids never wanted me to hang out with them and I was simply too shy... I was pretty but skinny and somewhat dorky... that antisocialism will probably fade.. I went through it... but like I said when I got to high school I gained a group of friends and became somewhat popular... not one of the most popular but popular enough to place as second runner up on prom court out of all the girls that ran for it..

serialwife · Jul 4, 2005, 04:15 PM

It is important to build social skills for children. I agree with Lolly. Children who are shy are often deemed as snobbish and sometimes exiled just for being quiet. A slumber party could place your daughter at a home advantage and really let her personality shine through.
mike145k once again thanks for slanting what I have to say.

shenda · Jul 7, 2005, 10:51 AM

Sometimes we are blessed with exceptional children, those who are destined to rise above the status quo. Sometimes, it is not in what your child is doing, but who your child was born to be. Remember, we all have a purpose to fulfill, this very well could be a part of her conditioning preparing her unto a greater destiny. Think about some of the great thinkers of our time, and times past... they lived a seemingly despondent childhood; however, it became the very fertile ground needed to produce... the great minds we embrace today and in days to come. On the other hand, brace yourself, because there is always a calm before the storm... in the blink of an eye she will be a teenager... she may very well put this concern aside... broadening you unto a new horizon.