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aaron kohali · Apr 2, 2013, 07:58 AM

I Have a Problem with My hard on .It takes too long to get it .even if I get it it doesn't last long enough . There is No problem between me and my partner . We both love each other very much.when the first time we tried to do it I didn't get any hard on after few days we tried again this time it was success. But I can't say it was great . Because it took me a very long time to get hard on . But it didn't last long . Please help me . Me and my partner we both love each other very much . And I don't want this happening with me . What should I do . I am a chain smoker but not alcoholic . My body weight is average. It was the first time we did it . So I don't want same thing happens when we do it next time . Please help . I don't want to use any medicine is there any other way . Please I desperately need help!!

odinn7 · Apr 2, 2013, 08:17 AM

How old are you? Maybe it's time to visit the doctor.

aaron kohali · Apr 2, 2013, 09:10 PM

Originally Posted by odinn7

How old are you? Maybe it's time to visit the doctor.

I am 23.. the thing is it was my first time.. but the last part was really good... but the problem is with my hard on . The thing is I don't want to go to a doctor or use any kind of medicine is there any other way to solve this . As I already told you I am a smoker and I use to do a lot of masturbation does that have any effect on my problem ? Please help because I don't want to ruin my 2nd time .

Wondergirl · Apr 2, 2013, 09:26 PM

Do you have any problems getting hard when you are alone? I'm thinking this difficulty when you are with her could be what's called "performance anxiety"? -- your brain is so centered on how things are going to go and what you are going to do and how you are going t o do it that your body decides to shut down and not cooperate when the time comes.

aaron kohali · Apr 2, 2013, 10:00 PM

Yes when I am alone it is not a problem at all I get hard on easily . But whenever I am with her.. this happens.. even when we are having foreplay things are quite fine... but.. after that it happens... and even if I get it it doesn't last long . Please help me .

Wondergirl · Apr 2, 2013, 10:07 PM

I am guessing you are thinking about yourself and your own performance too much. Instead, make her the center of your thoughts -- how you can please her. Read up on ways to do that, and since we women are different from men, sexual pleasure and emotional involvement in sex begin hours before the main event. Study up on that (and we can give suggestions here). Go to your library and check out a basic sex manual or two (612 and 613) about how to touch and stroke and interact with her in bed. And of course, she is the best one to find that out from, to find out what turns her on.

aaron kohali · Apr 2, 2013, 10:21 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

I am guessing you are thinking about yourself and your own performance too much. Instead, make her the center of your thoughts -- how you can please her. Read up on ways to do that, and since we women are different from men, sexual pleasure and emotional involvement in sex begin hours before the main event. Study up on that (and we can give suggestions here). Go to your library and check out a basic sex manual or two (612 and 613) about how to touch and stroke and interact with her in bed. And of course, she is the best one to find that out from, to find out what turns her on.

Can u please give me any link from where I could get these help full information.. please help!

Wondergirl · Apr 2, 2013, 10:25 PM

Originally Posted by aaron kohali

can u please give me any link from where i could get these help full information .. please help !!

How old is she?

Wondergirl · Apr 2, 2013, 10:36 PM

Google with good keywords ("how to please a woman" or "female sexual pleasure" -- without quote marks) and you can find good sites to help. Read many of them, especially how to get her mind thinking about how much she loves you and about pleasure hours before you are together.

Is there any tension because of religion or caste or parents' unhappiness with your being boyfriend and girlfriend?

aaron kohali · Apr 2, 2013, 10:41 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

How old is she?

Well she is older then me by 2 years. I am 23 . And no we both love each other very much. And I am sure the problem is from my side but I really love her . Does doing too much masturbation causing this problem? And she told me I am really good with every thing else like turning her on . So I know I am the problem .

aaron kohali · Apr 2, 2013, 10:43 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Google with good keywords ("how to please a woman" or "female sexual pleasure" -- without quote marks) and you can find good sites to help. Read many of them, especially how to get her mind thinking about how much she loves you and about pleasure hours before you are together.

Is there any tension because of religion or caste or parents' unhappiness with your being boyfriend and girlfriend?

And no family issues... both of our family is totally fine with our relationship.. even I don't have any family... and her parents are totally OK with me

Wondergirl · Apr 2, 2013, 10:44 PM

Originally Posted by aaron kohali

does doing to much masturbation causing this problem ??

How much?

Stop thinking you are the problem. That is NOT true.

aaron kohali · Apr 2, 2013, 10:46 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

How much?

Stop thinking you are the problem. That is NOT true.

Well I used to do 3 or 4 times daily recently after facing this incident I totally stopped it .

Wondergirl · Apr 2, 2013, 10:49 PM

Is there any fear that you will be interrupted when you are together?

Another thing to look up and do is "sensate focus." This is cuddling, kissing, touching, stroking, totally experiencing the other person's body but NO sexual intercourse.

Some couples take many months and even years to learn how to be with each other and to have enjoyable lovemaking.

aaron kohali · Apr 2, 2013, 10:54 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Is there any fear that you will be interrupted when you are together?

Another thing to look up and do is "sensate focus." This is cuddling, kissing, touching, stroking, totally experiencing the other person's body but NO sexual intercourse.

Some couples take many months and even years to learn how to be with each other and to have enjoyable lovemaking.

Well I was thinking to take something like Viagra when the next time we are going to do it.. is it OK? Or tell me what should do next time... and no last time we did it we were alone so there is no fear of getting interrupted... so please tell me what should I do next time?

Wondergirl · Apr 2, 2013, 10:59 PM

Originally Posted by aaron kohali

well i was thinking to take something like Viagra when the next time we r going to do it .. is it ok ?? or tell me what should do next time ... and no last time we did it we were alone so there is no fear of getting interrupted .... so please tell me what should i do next time ??

No Viagra!! Do not start to depend on meds. Make her the center and forget how you are performing. Do you want me to be there to advise in person? :D

Wondergirl · Apr 2, 2013, 11:02 PM

How many times have you two had sex?

aaron kohali · Apr 2, 2013, 11:08 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

No Viagra!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do not start to depend on meds. Make her the center and forget how you are performing. Do you want me to be there to advise in person? :D

Hmmmm OK... no viagra then .

Hahha you are most welcome... :P :P

aaron kohali · Apr 2, 2013, 11:09 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

How many times have you two had sex?

Well it was my first time..

Wondergirl · Apr 2, 2013, 11:15 PM

And everything you have ever done for the first time was perfect? You walked perfectly as a baby and never fell down? Your homework was always 100% and perfect each time??

Give yourself some patience and some room to improve. That is the best part of loving someone -- the learning and trying this and trying that.

And birth control -- you and she are using at least two forms of it?