[Wondergirl]

i can't be too giving and too selfish. You have said both about me so far? Which one is the problem. I do to much for guys or I expect too much?

And what is a woman supposed to do then because obiously I am unaware or I would not have started this thread?

No, you can't be too giving nor can you be too selfish.

Why do you give in the first place?

[guiltybeautie]

No, you can't be too giving nor can you be too selfish.

Why do you give in the first place?

I give to people because I want them to be happy.

[Wondergirl]

i give to people because i want them to be happy.

And when you do that and they aren't happy, then what?

[guiltybeautie]

But the question at hand remains that you accused me of my problem as being selfish and then accused me of being to giving which is it?


Then you staated that that was not what a woman is supposed to do but did not state what we were supposed to do.

[Wondergirl]

i gave him everything you can give person and it didnt matter.

WHY did you give him everything?

[guiltybeautie]

If they aren't happy then I give some more try a little harder.

[Wondergirl]

if they arent happy then i give some more try a little harder.

So you are trying to buy their love?

[guiltybeautie]

WHY did you give him everything?

Lost my virginity, had two kids, I supported us, I forgave him, I exhausted myself trying to keep our family alive.

[Wondergirl]

lost my virginity, had two kids, I supported us, i forgave him, i exhausted myself trying to keep our family alive.

And it wasn't enough. So maybe that wasn't the right way to go.

What about YOU? You got lost in all that.

[guiltybeautie]

Buy their love? No but if u love someone you try and make them happy. That is just normal.

[Wondergirl]

buy their love? No but if u love someone you try and make them happy. That is just normal.

Not if you are buying love. And if you lose yourself in the process, then that is not good.

How happy did he make you? Was he trying as hard?

[guiltybeautie]

buy their love? No but if u love someone you try and make them happy. That is just normal.

I also come from a very abusive childhood and was bullied terribly in school as well. He was the first one to notice that I wasn't what I was treated as.

[Wondergirl]

i also come from a very abusive childhood and was bullied terribly in school as well. He was the first one to notice that I wasnt what I was treated as.

But he abused and bullied you too.

[guiltybeautie]

i also come from a very abusive childhood and was bullied terribly in school as well. He was the first one to notice that I wasnt what I was treated as.

After our child was born he didn't try at all. Our relationship became difficult and he gave up. We only lasted after that point because of me.

But he abused and bullied you too.

He never abused me the way I was by my mother and brother who is six years my elder. There is no comparisson.

[Wondergirl]

he never abused me the way I was by my mother and brother who is six years my elder. There is no comparisson.

He abused you emotionally and financially.

[guiltybeautie]

He abused you emotionally and financially.

Yes but never was it even close to being as bad as I was once treated, I have horror stories.
But I already knew he was ty and I already know I am dumb for still loving him.

What I need to know is how a woman behaves to be a mate that men will desire to be theirs.

[Wondergirl]

What I need to know is how a woman behaves to be a mate that men will desire to be theirs.

Now you know how not to be (giving it all away in desperation), right?

What do you have on your list so far as being a good partner?

[dontknownuthin]

You are shopping for a mansion in a trailer park. If you want a solid, reliable man who's going to be good for you and also take an interest in your children, viewing you as a package deal; a guy who will not be intimidated by your children's father, you need to raise the bar on your own behavior and the things you do for fun.

First, if you drink to the point that you're ready to pass out and are taking your shirt off, you have a drinking problem that needs to be addressed. You can have a lot of fun, even in bars and at parties, without presenting yourself as the town slut with this type of behavior. I'm not saying you are a slut - I'm sure not. But people believe what they see, and if they see a sloppy drunk girl taking her top off in a bar, who has small children - that's pretty sleezy behavior and it speaks to your character and self-esteem. Don't do that to yourself, you're better than that. I'm sure of it because EVERYONE is better than that.

Also, I really hope that you don't view meeting men at a tattoo party as a step up from meeting them at a bar. Seriously? I know some perfectly wonderful and classy men and women have tatoos and piercings, but you are excluding a huge percentage of the best men out there if you are going for this look and crowd. Many people find tattoos on women to be particularly trashy. And doing tatoos at a party sounds like a big mistake - it should be done in a professional studio, by a professional person, with no alcohol present.

There are plenty of good men who also have children, who have the same problem you do - finding a partner who will accept their children. You can find some of them in more family oriented interests and places. For example, there is a national organization called "parents without partners". There are also support groups for single parents at churches, community centers, etc. You can go on sites like Meetup and see if there are organizations that cater to singles with children in your area.

College is a perfect place to meet people. Community colleges and night programs often have somewhat older students, many of whom are going to community or night school programs because they have to work to support their children.

There aren't too many single fathers who care about their own children (if they don't care about theirs, they sure won't care about yours) who are looking for a woman who's at the bar taking her top off and passing out, or at a tattoo party. What a nightmare. They want a more serious, sober partner to work with toward a stable life for themselves and their kids. Try it out, it might just suit you to be out of this adolescent mess you are creating.

And incidentally, information like your bust size, height and weight is irrelevant on this site - this is not a dating site. And finding a guy based on what you look like or what he looks like is a beginner's mistake in dating as well. Being attracted to a person is important, but physical attraction doesn't make a relationship work. As my mother once told me, "if all you look for is a cute A**, that's exactly what you're going to get. A cute A**!"

[guiltybeautie]

At the moment not a single guy that any woman would want to date (teeth aren't black, showeres often, isn't a weirdo, not covered in hair, not obese etc.) finds me to be an attractive partner for them.

But that's fine because I don't have a romantic interest at the moment either.

If I do someday run into a guy and think wow I could fall for him. With my track reccord he won't be interested. So I am trying to fix it now before I run into that problem.

Now you know how not to be (giving it all away in desperation), right?

What do you have on your list so far as being a good partner?

My list lol?

Attractive
Charming
Funny
Carring
Loyal
Healthy
Clean
Enjoys kids
Enjoys partying on the days that kids are not around but doesn't feel like he is sacrificing to be a family man when they are around
A career
A love for body art.(I love body art)

[dontknownuthin]

When you don't find yourself valuable, worthwhile, classy, and a total catch, men won't either. Work on yourself. Work on building your education, advancing in a real career with long-term promise for growth. Work on your character - stop drinking and see how your life changes. Work on the quality of people you spend time with. Maybe going to play groups and parenting classes and hanging out with the kids at McDonald's playland would put you in a position to meet more mothers with small kids, who could be a new, more mature and positive peer group for you.

I don't know if you're religious but sometimes, going back to church can help a lot in rebuilding your life. I wish I had done so long before I did after I got divorced. I got great support and advice that really hit home from my parish priest, and it got me started on making some really positive changes in rebuilding my life.

Get involved in your children's activities - another great place to meet stable people - other adults with children.

And when you meet people who have relationships you admire, such as women you relate to who are in great marriages, let them know, "I want what you have - the kind of family you have. If you or your husband know solid guys who might be a good fit for me, feel free to meddle and set me up."

Again, you are not going to find premium merchandise at the dollar store - focus on meeting quality women friends - other moms, whether married or not. This will provide you a lot of support, and the right women will help you rebuild your self-esteem as well. I think right now, you probably have friends who are still stuck in acting like juvenile single fools, partying all the time. They are behind you in their stage in life. You don't have to kick them to the curb, but you need more friendds who share your stage in life as parents. Eventually your old friends will settle down and catch up to you, but until they do, maybe you limit your time out with them. Or meet them for lunch instead of heading to the bar.

Also be mindful that if your town has nothing to offer you, you can move. It takes money and planning, but having a goal can sometimes be the catalyst for making really good, responsible decisions. I wouldn't move too far from your support system, but perhaps there's a larger town nearby with a bit more to offer you. Why not?