Check out some similar questions!

mamma072809 · Mar 18, 2013, 11:05 AM

This is my question. My fiancés father died in 2009 he was cremated. My fiancés sister went to pick up the ashes she is still holding on to them as if they belong to her. She has no rights to them the man was not her biological father nor did he adopt her. What should my fiancé do about this situation he deserves to have his fathers remains.

joypulv · Mar 18, 2013, 11:29 AM

When my parents died, the funeral home gave them to the sibling who was nearby, me. It seems to vary by where you live from what I have heard here. Many people say it is decided by the executor of the estate, and others have said it's whoever paid for the funeral. State law has a limit on how long the funeral home can keep ashes (this too varies by state) and in my state it's a year.

So who paid for the cremation and/or funeral? Who was executor? How long ago did he try to get them?

I do not know of specific laws in any state about who is 'entitled' to them. You don't say how long your fiancé lived with his father and how long his 'sister' did - perhaps she really considered him her one and only father. The fact that she was not adopted hardly seems fair, but dividing the ashes into portions does.

ebaines · Mar 18, 2013, 11:32 AM

Please answer a coupleof questions: Did the fathers will specify what he wanted done with the remains? If not, had he discussed with the family what he wanted? Finally, who was the executor of the father's estate?

If the will did not state how he wanted his ashes to be disposed of, then it's up to the executor to dispose of the ashes in a way that he feels would be keeping with the decedant's wishes. That usually means disposing of them in some dignified and meaningful way - typically the executor might organize a private gathering for family some place that has meaning to the deceased. Personally I think it's much better to dispose of the ashes than for any one family member to hang onto them indefinitely. So one thing your fiancé could do is talk to the executor and ask him to make a decision about it. But absent such a decision your fiancé has no more right to the ashes than does his sister, so again the executor should step in.

AK lawyer · Mar 18, 2013, 05:02 PM

Originally Posted by joypulv

...I do not know of specific laws in any state about who is 'entitled' to them. ...

Actually, there was a similar question here on this forum a week or two ago. Seems like it was Wyoming or one of the othe Western states. I was able to find a statute on the subject, in the criminal code, for some strange reason.

Ah. Here it is. Oklahoma.