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    shadowlight528's Avatar
    shadowlight528 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Mar 16, 2013, 10:46 AM
    Is this a good poem? Its my first one.
    The Mother Earth

    The swift stream of a glimmering waterfall
    And the sweet sound of a gentle bird call
    Lush vegetation all around
    Oh this beauty, and you it does surround
    A beautiful blue pond full of fish
    Where you and all the innocent children make their greatest wish
    The delicious fruits of life
    They grow with no pain nor strife
    Right out of this soil-enriched ground
    Oh this beauty, and you it does surround
    The sky is cloudless, never with a storm or a fright
    Even at night
    The stars are full and bright
    And the moon, always so stark and full
    At all times, the tides of the oceans it seamlessly pulls
    In some ways, this may sound profound
    But oh this beauty, and you it does surround
    teacherjenn4's Avatar
    teacherjenn4 Posts: 4,005, Reputation: 468
    Education Expert
    		  
    #2

    Mar 16, 2013, 11:04 AM
    Good! Soil-enriched ground doesn't make sense, though. Can you think of a way to change that?
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,591, Reputation: 2941
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    #3

    Mar 16, 2013, 01:04 PM
    Nice images, and refrain. I wonder about the moon always being full though, since it isn't.
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