[marknascar]

My friend who is 74 years old had a son pass away recently. The son's girlfriend is holding the remains only because she didn't like the father. My friend is heartbroken over this.She wants money for the son.Please help.We live on Oklahoma.Thank you for your help.

[tickle]

Positively nasty thing to do, I would say. But I really don't think you have an lawful recourse to follow. It appears to be a purely family matter that has to be dealt with accordingly.

How much money does she want ?

[ScottGem]

Who paid for the funeral and cremation? Are you saying the girlfriend wants money to give up the remains?

How did the girlfriend come to have the remains?

[tickle]

Did she pay for the funeral ? Is that why she has the cremated remains ?

[AK lawyer]

These "so and so won't give me the ashes" questions always puzzle me. What does your friend want to do with the ashes, anyway?

[marknascar]

These "so and so won't give me the ashes" questions always puzzle me. What does your friend want to do with the ashes, anyway?

He wants to have a proper burial

[Alty]

He wants to have a proper burial

I'd really like you to answer the questions Scott posted.

Did the girlfriend pay for the funeral?

How did she end up with the ashes?

[AK lawyer]

I'd really like you to answer the questions Scott posted.
...

OK. A girlfriend has no rights regarding remains, she is not a relative of the deceased. The father is the next of kin. So, in a court of law, the father probably can get an order that she turn them over to him.

Better?

But I'm still puzzled. It the deceased was cremated that suggests that they didn't want to bother with the expense of a burial. Really, ashes are meant to be scattered. If the father wants a grave, he can do it, but there is no need to put a body in it.

[Alty]

OK. A girlfriend has no rights regarding remains, she is not a relative of the deceased. The father is the next of kin. So, in a court of law, the father probably can get an order that she turn them over to him.

Better?

But I'm still puzzled. It the deceased was cremated that suggests that they didn't want to bother with the expense of a burial. Really, ashes are meant to be scattered. If the father wants a grave, he can do it, but there is no need to put a body in it.

I agree.

I have an urn with two cremated remains in my home (okay, to be fair I have 4 urns, but only two are human). My parents. They're with me because I'm the next of kin.

That's why I wanted to know how the girlfriend (not wife, not related) got hold of these remains. It doesn't make sense if there's a living relative. Unless that relative didn't step up when the deceased became the deceased. It sounds like the girlfriend had to make the arrangements, because the father didn't. But until the OP answers, that's just a guess.

[ScottGem]

He wants to have a proper burial

Who is he? But, again, if you want help you have to provide us with info,

[AK lawyer]

The following Oklahoma statute establishes that the father has the right to the remains, unless the GF signed an affidavit that she could not find the father:

"Oklahoma Statutes Citationized
Title 21. Crimes and Punishments
Chapter 47 - Human Remains and Tissue, Burial, Cemeteries, and Funerals
Section 1158 - Right to Control Disposition of Remains - Persons in Whom

The right to control the disposition of the remains of a deceased person, the location, manner and conditions of disposition, and arrangements for funeral goods and services vests in the following order, provided the person is eighteen (18) years of age or older and of sound mind:

1. The decedent, provided the decedent has entered into a pre-need funeral services contract or executed a written document that meets the requirements of the State of Oklahoma;

2. A representative appointed by the decedent by means of an executed and witnessed written document meeting the requirements of the State of Oklahoma;

3. The surviving spouse;

4. The sole surviving adult child of the decedent whose whereabouts is reasonably ascertained or if there is more than one adult child of the decedent, the majority of the surviving adult children whose whereabouts are reasonably ascertained;

5. The surviving parent or parents of the decedent, whose whereabouts are reasonably ascertained;

6. The surviving adult brother or sister of the decedent whose whereabouts is reasonably ascertained, or if there is more than one adult sibling of the decedent, the majority of the adult surviving siblings, whose whereabouts are reasonably ascertained;

7. The guardian of the person of the decedent at the time of the death of the decedent, if one had been appointed;

8. The person in the classes of the next degree of kinship, in descending order, under the laws of descent and distribution to inherit the estate of the decedent. If there is more than one person of the same degree, any person of that degree may exercise the right of disposition;

9. If the decedent was an indigent person or other person the final disposition of whose body is the financial responsibility of the state or a political subdivision of the state, the public officer or employee responsible for arranging the final disposition of the remains of the decedent; and

10. In the absence of any person under paragraphs 1 through 9 of this section, any other person willing to assume the responsibilities to act and arrange the final disposition of the remains of the decedent, including the personal representative of the estate of the decedent or the funeral director with custody of the body, after attesting in writing that a good-faith effort has been made to no avail to contact the individuals under paragraphs 1 through 9 of this section."

... The son's girlfriend is holding the remains only because she didn't like the father. My friend is heartbroken over this.She wants money for the son ...

It thus appears that, under the following statute, the GF is committing a crime:

"Oklahoma Statutes Citationized
Title 21. Crimes and Punishments
Chapter 47 - Human Remains and Tissue, Burial, Cemeteries, and Funerals
Section 1165 - Penalty for Attachment of Dead Body

Every person who arrests or attaches any dead body of a human being upon any debt or demand whatever, or detains or claims to detain it for any debt or demand, or upon any pretended lien or charge, is guilty of a misdemeanor."

OCIS Document Index

[tickle]

OK. A girlfriend has no rights regarding remains, she is not a relative of the deceased. The father is the next of kin. So, in a court of law, the father probably can get an order that she turn them over to him.

Better?

But I'm still puzzled. It the deceased was cremated that suggests that they didn't want to bother with the expense of a burial. Really, ashes are meant to be scattered. If the father wants a grave, he can do it, but there is no need to put a body in it.

Ashes are not meant to be scattered, that is a preference other then keeping then with you. Where did you hear that?

Some people like the ashes in a jar, or urn, and placed in a memorial, however, my preference s my son scattering them in a fave place.

[Alty]

Ashes are not meant to be scattered, that is a preference other then keeping then with you. Where did you hear that?

Some people like the ashes in a jar, or urn, and placed in a memorial, however, my preference s my son scattering them in a fave place.

I agree, have to spread the rep.

My Opa and Oma are both cremated and buried. My parents are in my home, in an urn.

[joypulv]

My understanding of the finances of death is that the funeral home is the first creditor in line. They never wait to be paid no matter what. When my dad died, I was living with him and wrote a check that pretty much cleaned me out and I was in a bit of a panic about getting reimbursed by the slow bank holding his funds frozen.

OP has returned to answer one question but did not answer all the people who asked about who paid. Ergo, I am not so sure that the girlfriend is some monster holding the ashes ransom for no reason at all.

Also, the law cited does allow for the girlfriend to have them under number 2.