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ayush779 · Feb 28, 2013, 09:49 AM

My 18 year old girlfriend is having a hard time at her home. Her parents are always discouraging her, scolding her on petty issues and telling her day and night she is useless and can't do anything. She fears her parents. They are her constant fear. Due to which everyday as the evening approaches she becomes nostalgic and becomes feeble , she gets this sensation of puking again and again. I understand her plight and tell her to keep her cool . And that her parents are not her enemy. But she is so afraid now that she is constantly saying I am going to die. Please save me. What should I do to help her out? Her parents know just that we are very good friends . Should I talk to her parents about this issue? Or is it a bad idea and I might put our relationship in danger? Her mother is dominant and short tempered but a well educated lady.

smoothy · Feb 28, 2013, 10:45 AM

She's 18 and legally an adult... if she doesn't like her situation... she can get a job and move out.

Otherwise whe has to live with it... as it's their house.

Is gettig a job and moving out an option for her? Has she even tried to get a job or does she lay around all the time... if she isn't trying to get a job, that might be the root of this. Legally they don't even have to support her at this point if they so desired. Maybe they are trying to get her to get motivated and find a career.

This is one tactic parents will use to get their kids to understand... you graduated... its time to earn a living.

odinn7 · Feb 28, 2013, 10:46 AM

As far as you stepping in and saying something to her parents... yeah, no. It's not your place to negotiate her situation with her parents.

smoothy · Feb 28, 2013, 10:54 AM

I agree... Do NOT talk with her parents... nothing good can possibly come of that... you have no standing to tell them what to do in their house... and it is their house.. (trust me.. if anyone came and tried to tell me anything about what I do in my house I'd be righteously indignent with them).your girlfriend only lives in it. And legally that's what it ammounts to. She is a tenant that lives there without a lease and can be evicted if they so desire. Her right to live there and support ended on her 18ty birthday... everything now is at their good graces.

joypulv · Feb 28, 2013, 12:59 PM

She keeps asking you to help her - she wants YOU to take her away, plain and simple. If you don't believe me, ask her.

Wondergirl · Feb 28, 2013, 01:37 PM

I read your other threads and recalled that you are in a situation (India) where her family, or at least her mother, would be against your being her boyfriend. And she is to live at home until a marriage can be arranged for her. Is that correct? Or is it more that she is currently in college and the mother thinks that love distractions would not be good for her?

I think it is time for both of you to talk honestly to her mother.

ayush779 · Mar 1, 2013, 12:46 AM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

I read your other threads and recalled that you are in a situation (India) where her family, or at least her mother, would be against your being her boyfriend. And she is to live at home until a marriage can be arranged for her. Is that correct? Or is it more that she is currently in college and the mother thinks that love distractions would not be good for her?

I think it is time for both of you to talk honestly to her mother.

Yes you are absolutely right. She does not have any problem being in a relationship BUT only after she completes graduation. But that's not my question. My question is how should she deal with her parents who are after her life and making it look like hell... how can I come to her rescue? Can I even help her out?

Alty · Mar 1, 2013, 01:02 AM

This is a hard question to answer because the country you live in is very different from the majority of the posters here. I live in Canada, the majority of the people that post here are in the US. In both of those countries, once a child reaches the age of 18, they're an adult, they can leave home, and do what they want, date who they want, work where they want, and make their own decisions. It seems that that's not the case where you live.

Really, I don't think anyone can really give you advice based on these circumstances, unless they understand your culture, how things are done where you live. But, reading WG's post about your past questions, the fact that her parents don't know she's dating you, that they're trying to arrange a marriage for her, I don't see how you can help her without making things worse for her. To help her would mean to admit to her parents that you're more than just a friend. Is she ready to be ostracized from her family?