Check out some similar questions!

february2013 · Feb 22, 2013, 04:40 PM

Hi, I have a fairly unique situation; My father is worth several million, and is estranged from the family (by his choice). I have had a distant and strange relationship with him my whole life (not my choice initially); he lives a very reclusive life, and has broken relationships with many people, he probably has an undiagnosed personality disorder. He has always been wealthy but growing up we (my mother and my siblings and I ) were living on hand me downs, and tight food budgets; I didn't know just how wealthy he was until I grew up and realized his financial circumstances, and was quite pissed off actually that he treated us that way and made us live in such a way that was just bizarre considering the reality of his wealth.

I am now an adult in my late twenties and have been living my life relatively independently from him. For several years he didn't contact me at all. He never knew where I was living, etc, and really I didn't ever expect this to change- I didn't want anything from him, and honestly thought he was so unhinged I'd be better off without knowing him.

Oddly he got back in touch with me several years ago, and seemed to be striking up a relationship/ sort of. He invited me to work for him for a bit, which I did for a summer as it was convenient, he paid me poorly, but it didn't matter- it was just a few weeks work. The relationship continued like this for a while, I wouldn't hear from him for 6 months then he would call and ask for help with something, and since I had patches of unemployment it was often good for me to go work for him for income.

However, really oddly, lately he has given me a gift - a property which he had 'no need for'. He inherited the property (along with 4 other similar properties), he didn't exactly work for it, but nevertheless it was his and he has given it to me, its worth approx 200,000.
One point I would make is, although this man is wealthy I had never asked for any money from him- except for a few years ago me and my partner were looking into a mortgage and I mentioned this to him, and before I asked he said he didn't have 'anything spare', which I knew wasn't the truth, as he offered his neighbor a mortgage in the same month.

All in all, I'll never explain the full story on here- its pretty convoluted, I just need to know others opinions on this- in your late twenties after living paying rent/saving for a mortgage/working regular jobs, to be given a gift by someone you don't particularly like, who probably expects something in return, would you accept it? Or would it mess up your life- the guilt of it? To be indebted to someone you don't like? I accepted it, but I could return it, my question is would you? And realistically should I?

Alty · Feb 22, 2013, 04:44 PM

He's your biological father, he's never done anything for you. If it were me, I'd take the gift. Make sure that you have in writing that this is a gift, not a loan, not something you have to pay back, or give back, when the mood strikes him. Make it all legal.

I wouldn't feel guilt about this. If anyone should feel guilt, it's him. He could have had a relationship with you, but chose not to. So the least he can do is give something to someone he helped create. No guilt at all.

Enjoy the gift, don't give it another thought. :)

smearcase · Feb 22, 2013, 05:12 PM

Do you know someone or a charity that would deserve it more? As long as there are no conditions attached, take it and make the best use of it, as you see fit. No liens, I assume.
Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

Oliver2011 · Feb 23, 2013, 08:12 AM

If you don't want it I would gladly accept it on your behalf!

:)

ScottGem · Feb 23, 2013, 08:35 AM

I agree with Alty, accept it but make sure you have it in writing that it is a gift. If there are any strings attached, make sure that is in writing also.

february2013 · Feb 25, 2013, 01:52 AM

Thanks for the replies, I was feeling fairly conflicted, but it seems most people would just keep it. Maybe its too big a gift to turn down, its like a life changer.

joypulv · Feb 25, 2013, 04:42 AM

I too would keep it, but I also would steel myself for strings attached, which you say you expect to happen. How much obligation you feel then is totally up to you. I wouldn't feel any. He sounds like he never has.

The other side of the coin is that he may be either becoming aware of his own mortality or he may have been diagnosed with something. Or maybe he just wanted you to prove yourself in your youth on your own for several years, which you have done. Who knows...
It's too bad that you can't get to know each other better. He's your father and I wouldn't want even a parent like him to die without some sort of connection other than a gift of property. I might even say 'I hope this doesn't mean you are ill.'

Fr_Chuck · Feb 25, 2013, 04:52 AM

I would keep it, often giving the gift helps the giver, even if not the person who gets it.

It is not about the amount, if it was 200 dollars would you have an issue ? Most likely not,
To someone very rich, 200,000 is like 200 to you and I

talaniman · Feb 25, 2013, 05:51 AM

Not all of us are blessed with good carng parents, who love cherish and nuture or even know how to. Maybe giving you a job, or this one gift was the best he was capable of. Take it as its given, a gift, no strings, or obliigations.

Say thanks, that's your only oblgation.