[lost0825]

I'am going though a lot right now, I lost my wife to Cystic Fibrosis on Dec 23/2012 I'll never look at Christmas the same again... And I was starting to feel better a few weeks ago and then I started dreaming about her... I keep dreaming she is in bed beside me and we are hugging up to each other or we are just talking... :( The last dream I had I was laying on me side looking at her and I said I love you and she said I love you to babie. And then I woke up, It felt so real :( I'am already seeing a greaving counciler, but it's not helping. I gave my life to this women. She was sick and I new that But I didn't care.. I wanted to be with her, I loved her. And now she's gone, What do these dreams mean?? I wake up sometimes in the middle of the night crying or even at work I just break out crying... I just don't know what to do... If I didn't love god like I do I know what I'd do :(

[joypulv]

I think your grief counseling is working more than you think. You can't expect to feel better so soon, and actually need to keep grieving. It just will go through stages, and these dreams are a stage for you. Dreams are a way to sort out our days, our weeks, our whole lives. Crying is a good thing, and many men are terrible at it. So you are grieving purely because you truly loved her, and I know it hurts! But it's necessary. You have kept working, so that's good.
Many people grieve mixed with guilt, and guilt prevents them from moving through it. 'Good guilt' is the guilt we all feel, the kind that is about what you could have said or done or prevented, but that you really couldn't, or you really did enough, like let her know you love her. Bad guilt from things going all wrong can drag you down forever.

Grief born of love mercifully progresses to a resolution of acceptance. It doesn't mean you will ever let it go. It means you will be a different person. And you will be there for the next person who goes through this.

[Oliver2011]

I am very sorry for your loss. We read this at my Mom's funeral a few years ago and I loved it.

God saw you were getting tired
And a cure was not to be
So he put His arms around you
And whispered, "Come to Me".
With tearful eyes I watched you,
And saw you pass away.
Although I loved you dearly...
I could not make you stay.
A golden heart stopped beating,
Hard working hands at rest.
God broke my heart to prove to me
He only takes the best.

I hope this helps.

[JudyKayTee]

Everyone handles grief in a different manner. Sometimes religion is a comfort. Sometimes it is not. Grief counselling can also be a help - or not. It's you, what you need.

I lost my husband Christmas Day. I don't know that that's worse than losing a partner on any other day. I do know I have a terrible time with the entire holiday season. I can also tell you that things do get better. Your life will never be the same. That doesn't mean it won't be good.

I have never had a dream about my husband, never. I don't know if seeing his face again would make losing him more difficult or not. It's just not been my experience.

Your wife certainly must have suffered. My husband was in and out of a coma, brain dead at the very end, and my only peace is that I know he is no longer suffering. I don't know if that's your feeling, but it might be something to think about.

I have also found that people who haven't lost a spouse have little understanding of the grief when a partner dies - your whole life, every day, every hour, is totally changed. I'm not saying it's not terrible to lose a parent or sibling. I am saying that when that happens you go home with your partner and your life goes on. When it's your partner who dies, it's a very different thing.

I can tell you it does get easier - I just can't tell you when.