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stwart2013 · Feb 20, 2013, 02:56 PM

I started obsessing over this lad who I'd never met before who had a girlfriend. When I told him I was gay, I got the feeling he was gay also. Because of the way he spoke to me, I got the impression he was gay. But now I see him around & all I can think about is being with him and he won't even give me the time or day. He just ignores me, even when I try to say hello. This has hurt me so much and it has gone on for nearly a year now. I pray that one day I will be with him, no matter how long it takes, I will wait for him.

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JudyKayTee · Feb 20, 2013, 03:02 PM

This is a Q and A site. What is your question?

odinn7 · Feb 20, 2013, 03:03 PM

You're being stupid.

Clearly he isn't interested and he is ignoring you to either show that he doesn't care or because he doesn't like that you're gay.

You will wait for him, will you? So just because you're gay and interested in him, then he should be gay or at least turn gay just for you? I have nothing at all against gay people. I have friends that are gay. What I have a problem with is gay people that have this sort of attitude. You can't make him gay if he is not.

Also, you say that him ignoring you has hurt so much. How is that possible? Did you two ever strike up a friendship or anything? It doesn't sound like it. He is not obligated to talk to you and worry about how you may feel.

Forget about him. Stop stalking him. Find someone that you don't need to obsess about.

joypulv · Feb 20, 2013, 03:40 PM

He had a girlfriend but you got the feeling he was gay. He isn't. He's ignoring you because you won't stop being obsessed. It's for you own good. If you want to live this hell on earth, thinking prayer has anything to do with it, go ahead. If you want help, don't ask stupid questions about going left or right. Ask about ways to fill your time with other people.

stwart2013 · Feb 20, 2013, 04:19 PM

Originally Posted by joypulv

He had a girlfriend but you got the feeling he was gay. He isn't. He's ignoring you because you won't stop being obsessed. It's for you own good. If you want to live this hell on earth, thinking prayer has anything to do with it, go ahead. If you want help, don't ask stupid questions about going left or right. Ask about ways to fill your time with other people.

Thanks for your useful advice, I should have known it was too stupid to post & as for asking what days I should go left or right is because of the past problems I have had with people which has affected me. These days I get worried when I set foot out the door, so I. Normally stick to days going left and days going right. If u can't understand the moral of that question; please don't reply.

stwart2013 · Feb 20, 2013, 04:33 PM

I've been going to this text service to ask what days I should go left & what days I should go right. I've been doing this for several years now to feel secure when I go places due to a fear of being harassed & bullied by people who are around the town I live in. I would like to know if anyone could give me an answer to this or perhaps give me certain days on which I should stick to going left & right.

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Alty · Feb 20, 2013, 04:53 PM

Is this a joke?

What sort of question is this? This makes no sense.

Go right when you need to go right in order to get to where you want to go, and go left for the same reason. If there's a stop sign, stop, and proceed with caution.

smoothy · Feb 20, 2013, 05:05 PM

Originally Posted by stwart2013

I've been going to this text service to ask what days I should go left & what days I should go right. I've been doing this for several years now to feel secure when I go places due to a fear of being harassed & bullied by people who are around the town I live in. I would like to know if anyone could give me an answer to this or perhaps give me certain days on which I should stick to going left & right.

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I say delete that app and get counseling if you need a cell phone to run your life.

joypulv · Feb 20, 2013, 05:36 PM

I know all about being that depressed, that worried, that uncertain. I would go back to bed if I couldn't decide which shoe to put on first, never mind get the door open to decide which way to go. What's stupid is not putting it in any kind of context for total strangers who have NO CLUE who you are or what has been happening. So stop being cryptic, and start talking about your worries in words people can relate to.

tickle · Feb 20, 2013, 05:49 PM

Originally Posted by joypulv

I know all about being that depressed, that worried, that uncertain. I would go back to bed if I couldn't decide which shoe to put on first, never mind get the door open to decide which way to go. What's stupid is not putting it in any kind of context for total strangers who have NO CLUE who you are or what has been happening. So stop being cryptic, and start talking about your worries in words people can relate to.

Thanks joy for being understanding of the OP in words I couldn't think of at the time. He clearly could not articulate what he meant to say.

I hope he comes back.

Alty · Feb 20, 2013, 05:55 PM

Originally Posted by joypulv

I know all about being that depressed, that worried, that uncertain. I would go back to bed if I couldn't decide which shoe to put on first, never mind get the door open to decide which way to go. What's stupid is not putting it in any kind of context for total strangers who have NO CLUE who you are or what has been happening. So stop being cryptic, and start talking about your worries in words people can relate to.

Thank you Joy. I honestly thought this post was a joke. Goodness knows we get some silly questions on this site, and I figured this was just another one of those.

Thank you for explaining what the OP meant.

To the OP, if you have serious mental health issues, then it's best to consult a therapist. We are a question and answer site, but there's absolutely no way for anyone to give you the kind of help you need, long term, on this site.

Good luck.

joypulv · Feb 20, 2013, 07:10 PM

He edited the one liner with more detail, just before I wrote my harsh response.

stwart2013 · Feb 22, 2013, 11:22 AM

Back in 2005 I started a friendship with this lad called Scott. He was a bit younger than me but his parents were OK with it. Over the years the friendship turned to love for me, but I did not want Scott to know I was gay because I felt I would have lost him, since he thought I was heterosexual. I then got to see a different side to Scott which was aggressive and violent which meant technically he would sometimes beat me up for fun. The truth is I kind of enjoyed what he did as I had this fetish for being dominated by him as I was totally in love with him. That's why we both came to an arrangement, which was I would pay him to act out my fantasies and humiliate me. This has gone on for 5 years now and all I can think about is if I can stop it or not, because its taken over my life so much. I've never loved someone so much as I've loved him, even though he treats me bad. I seriously need to know what I should do to save myself from getting hurt, physically & emotionally.

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joypulv · Feb 22, 2013, 11:38 AM

THANK YOU for telling us what's behind all this. If you enjoy being humiliated by someone who doesn't love you or care about you, you have deep problems that only a good therapist can help you with. Save the money you use to pay him for that. You might also be able to find a peer group of gay men who have relationship problems.
Someday you will find a GOOD man to replace this one. But it takes two to tango, and he didn't chain you in his attic. You chose it. You will learn to make happier choices with time and work.

stwart2013 · Mar 4, 2013, 09:00 AM

Originally Posted by joypulv

THANK YOU for telling us what's behind all this. If you enjoy being humiliated by someone who doesn't love you or care about you, you have deep problems that only a good therapist can help you with. Save the money you use to pay him for that. You might also be able to find a peer group of gay men who have relationship problems.
Someday you will find a GOOD man to replace this one. But it takes two to tango, and he didn't chain you in his attic. You chose it. You will learn to make happier choices with time and work.

I would just like to say thank you to all who have read my posts and have commented on the problems I have had. I was abit shocked by some of your responses, however they have really helped me with dealing with some of my obsessions. I suppose I still need help in dealing with them, but I have decided to seek out therapy in the hope that all these matters will be resolved. My relationship with Scott still continues, however I'm managing to resist the urge by focusing on positive things. I do believe there will come a time when he will be out of my life for good, but I just don't know when that will be yet. There's nothing holding me back other than the thought of losing him, the one person who I've devoted my life to.

Oliver2011 · Mar 4, 2013, 09:22 AM

"Theres nothing holding me back other than the thought of losing him, the one person who ive devoted my life to."

That doesn't sound healthy at all. There is a difference between devoted to someone and obsessed with someone. Obsession is not healthy. You need a break from this person and you need a permanent break from this person. Spend some time learning how to be in a healthy relationship where both partners give. Otherwise you are going to allow other people to control your life.

tickle · Mar 4, 2013, 09:26 AM

I sincerely hope that you can move on from any hurt caused in your life and find true happiness, maybe through counselling. Just be warned though, any baggage you are carrying will be thoroughly dredged up in the counselling. This sometimes is very hurtful all over again, but is necessary to close doors and move on to a brighter more fulfilling future.

Tick