[philcolins001]

Hello fellow forum members...

I have what my doctor calls an "unhealthy" obsession with the six cyclone dyson products and before I risk possible detachement from my most prized body part I was wondering if by inverting the current to the motors that run the "glory holes" or as you techxperts would call them "cyclones" that I could use it as a garden blower or any other blowing kind of device...

The reason I ask is that I'm curious to see whether artificially inseminating my Dyson with Aardvark semen would cause quite a spray or a more concentrated gush...

Please no circuit diagrams as I class them top shelf pornography... and I find it offensive...

I also have no need to know how to wire up individual cyclones...
as any holes a goal ;)


Thanks for your time and patience..

Phil + Frappy + Shning and Disco Stud

[the_shning]

Don't worry young man, I know of many people (including myself) who experienced a similar problem. I was young, insecure and dabbling in drugs and the dark arts... the hoover had always appeard to me to be a viable alternative to the love of a woman, how gravely mistaken I was.

Lets just say I'm now on appendage short of a full set and my living room now boasts red wallpaper. To the credit of dyson parts of my anatomy were launched an incredible distance.

There are alternatives however, although in my current position I am unable to try any. Many people recommended to be common house pets, any kind of piping, or simply digging a cock sized hole in the garden and screwing that. Leave the hoover for the hoovering in future.

[philcolins001]

Oh I have been so naïve... so so so naïve...

Please tell me o wise one have you ever dabbled in tumble dryers

Your eager beaver

Phil

[the_shning]

Oh yes indeeed, I tried all kinds of kitchen appliances before settling on the dyson. The fridge, washing machines, dishwashers, even the iron (altho that did cause some unfortunate scarring. Its not like the 'sauna for your ' I was informed of.

I found washing machines slightly cumbersome for my likely, a bit heavy duty if you know what I mean

[philcolins001]

I shall take heed with any further ventures into the world of appliances... it's a risky business I'm sure my Aardvark will agree!

Mr shning I shall advise you and the law in this area of deviance... in the words of the almighty Queen

"i've done my sentence but committed no crime"

This line reminds me of when I was having a fantasy in the middle of my local village green (I was taking my dirt devil out for walkies) about Big Bird, Shning the evil green hoover who pleasures with his nozzle and a lot of snow in the middle of russia... during this fantasy I subconciously began to attempt making love to the Dirt Devil...

I was ambushed by a group of local yobs and I was in jail for eight months on indecent exposure... even though no matter how strong my urge I hadn't actually removed my piggly wiggly from the litte hole in my stained y-fronts

Phil

[the_shning]

Well if were on the subject of confessions take heed of this advice my young apprentice.

I was once experimenting with the possibilities of using the microwave for that warm and fuzzy feeling it appeared to give the chicken I was cooking. A strategically placed hole was drilled and 'piggy wiggly' to use your words, was inserted. Rather than start on the rather unadventurous defrost setting I decided to give it a boost up to the full 800 watts maximum power.

... boiled from the inside out, not a pleasant experience by any stretch of the imagination.

[philcolins001]

Dear god 800watts!! You sir, are an asset to the world of deviant acts upon unknowing house appliances... we're you done to medium rare or well done?

I've been researching on my original Dyson enquiry and in "lonely republican right wing housewives monthly" magazine and I foiund that by reversing the polarity and exposing the brushes you have a.. And I quote

"squirting, gyrating, brushing pseudo-apocalyptic multibeast able to give six cyclones worth of pleasure avaliable to the sado masochistic masses"

Care to elaborate

Kind regards

Phil

[the_shning]

"squirting, gyrating, brushing pseudo-apocalyptic multibeast able to give six cyclones worth of pleasure avaliable to the sado masochistic masses"

That my dear sir, sounds like quite an intriguing proposal, I have never myself manages to perform such a feat, instead contenting myself with a humble leafblower.

I would be glad to attempt to develp and test this with you, perhaps 3 cyclones a piece?

I also have a rather intriguing product which needs another to test with. By harnesing the power of a small lawnmover engine conbined with several feather dusters I was able to create a machine to, 'tickle your fancy'. I also used the vibration from a subwoofer playing the masculine growling of the mighty plil to add to the sensation.

Are you interested in participating in an outdoors trial?

[philcolins001]

That my dear sounds like schoolboy poetry... beautiful.. clumbsy... arousing...

My last creation was a bit of a frankenstein affair of machine parts (to the degree even though not endorsed.. it can only be serviced by a qualified dyson engineer)

I tried to create a thinking.. sucking.. 12 cyclone machine capable of independent decision making and affection...

Sadly I ended up with this

The poor tihng thinks it's stalins ex wife.. it has an obsession with postmen and it attached unto itself a "suck n cut" attachement... it is now in love with a poor beaver named frappy and sadly he ran away with timmy mallett to start a new life in nepal

Maybe I should send the blueprints your way it sounds right up your street

[the_shning]

Ah yes I believe I once had an encounter with that unfortunate, grotesque beast. It screamed 'infidel!' as it revved its engine while smirking at the body of an elderly lady, her heart was lying some distance away, apparently sucked up right through her skin.

Snow was stained red for miles around, except for the bizarre patches of yellow...

[philcolins001]

Hello users of this board. Sadly we did get very bored and we apologise profusely.. hopefully an admin will delete this asap

Sorry for inconveniencing

Regards

[the_shning]

Aahhhhh phil you give in to easily :-P u big multibeast

[Nozzleman]

Hi,
I'm extremely moistened by your comments about the possible uses of the Dyson. I have to commend your imaginative use of the dyson to achieve the suction that results in great pleasurement!

I, however, propose an even better purpose for our much-loved Dysons - rectal enemas! You can clean yourself out pretty well with the 1-2 KPa suction that the average Dyson 'Animal' (he he) gives you. It also helps if you are going for that classic 'mauve' finish for your home.

[the_shning]

Upon trying your suggested use of the nighty dyson I was dissapointed to discover that the desired 'mauve' effect was not achieved. Instead I get more of a terracota feel. Can you recommend the right quantities of blood, semen and poo (hee hee) that I need? Thank you in advance kind sir