[westrice]

I’ve known this girl since she was 13 and I was 15 (now I am 21, she is 19). We met in a summer camp, even though we were studying at the same school, and we live 10 minutes from each other. Anyway we always got along great although we were not "best friends", buddies describes it better. We were happy to meet, but we did not hang out often or be close until about a year ago. In Nov. 2011, I asked her if she wanted to hang with me and some friends of mine (I was not interested in her as a girlfriend at the time; it’s just that I did not see her in a long time). She had a boyfriend (5 years older than her) for two years at the time. We got along great again, but the "friendly" great if you know what I mean until January, February 2012.

She broke up with her boyfriend, was going through some tough times, I was having exams, and we didn’t exactly keep in touch. One evening she called me and asked me if I wanted to drop by her the next day to have a coffee. Of course that coffee turned into something more, and we became a couple. We hit off immediately, the chemistry was amazing, the sex was awesome, and we could just spend hours together without getting bored. The downside was that she didn’t want us to go public yet. Needless to say... I fell in love. During this time I kind of kept telling her to do be "selfish" in regards to her ex -bf (which she later blamed me for) and not think of me if she wants to be with him again.

Around a month later she dumped me. However after a couple of no contact weeks she called me. Apparently she missed me and all but did not break up with her boyfriend. We grew closer and closer (and by that I mean VERY close) over the course of 2012, speaking daily etc. She would often call me telling me how she misses me etc. In autumn 2012, she nearly broke up with him and while I thought "this is it" it actually was the opposite as she rediscovered some sort of passion for him. Only after another few weeks to go back to "I miss you, my bf is stressing me, I’d like to be with you, be patient".

Come January 2013, she broke up with him, for good this time [apparently] and I thought we would be together. She thought that as well [I think]. I would go daily to her place, hugged, kiss etc. but not make sex yet (she asked me to be patient), but after a week or so she just changed. She said she wanted us to be friends, not lovers, and she said that it doesn’t feel the same like the first time we were together [even though this time we were not together]. I told her I could not be friends with her and to stop contacting me if that is what she wants. She did not take it lightly. Anyway, it was a sad period.

One day however she called me and asked me if I wanted to join her later that day when she would buy a parrot. I agreed, after that I went to her place and she started kissing me at some point, then immediately she said she shouldn't have done that and we had a talk. She cried telling me she does not want to hurt me as she knows she did that already. And told me she needs TIME to be sure what she felt, and that she did not want to be with me right now. I told her "ok you don t want to be with me right now, but you are not sure about later as well she said “yes although I don't think I won’t want to be with you". After this, the last few days would be like this: she would call me daily to her place but rarely kiss me or hug me and telling me she wants space and that includes me not hugging her. Yet she keeps calling me daily.

Sorry for the long and possibly boring post but I am sad and very confused. Any advice is welcomed

I should add that we are both quite immature, especially her. And I dare say this because quite a few friends of mine told me she acts like a child.

[samcreed]

You are being taken for a ride! I am many, many years older than you, and have been through this. At 22, in college, I got a letter from my girlfriend, 19, saying she was in love... with another man. I hate "dear john" letters. I have been married many years, but still remember her.
You are being used more than you know. This girl is not for you, and doesn't want to be romantically involved with you. Your entire question states that.
Please meet some new people, and you will eventually find someone who really cares for you. Be honest, (she isn't), respectful, and you will meet all kinds of girls. Don't see her anymore, and don't even talk with her. You will always remember her, but she really doesn't care. Good luck.

[odinn7]

She's just stringing you along and playing games... and you're letting her do it to you.

Deep down, I think you already know the answer. It seems like you do because you posted it part way through your original question. I just think you wanted to hear it from other people as well. You were right though... it's going nowhere and you're only setting yourself up for heartbreak further down the road.

The no-contact part of your post is the best solution. You tell her you can't do this and it's over... I mean, this is what I would do at this point.

[westrice]

I feared that... my(stupid) heart tells me I should wait another few weeks at least... after all she just got out of a long relationship which she thought it was "the one" (like most of the high school relationships... I've been there), yet head says there is no chance of us being together... and of course that saddens me and I start to cling to all those (futile, I think) dreams and think of how she used to talk to me and the chemistry we have... or should I say had? Anyway, thanks for the replies