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Jerac1 · Mar 17, 2007, 07:32 PM

My wife and I have been married for 2 years and she has always talked this this guy she had an affair with on the man she was with before me. They broke of the affair 2 years before her relationship was over with her boyfriend. She has told me all about the affair. Now she was hiding it from me on and off. Either she talked to him on the phone or via email. I have found some of the emails and there wa some flirting on his part. But she knows I check her emails and I know she deletes many I have not read. She went to a hockey game about 3 months ago and he does security there and when she got home she called him. I got very upset and of cause she got angry with me and stated it was nothing and that they are just good friends. My deal is she had an affair with this guy so she must have not been happy in her past relationship. We do have a great marriage but there is the guy thing. I read her myspace about 2 months ago and she had been talking to a guy and they were flirting him mostly but she stated that he needed to be careful cause my husband get on here sometime. I confronted her and told her no more guys at all and she did stop I THOUGHT but I have found some correspondence with other guys. SHe has figured out how to get rid of the messages. I signed up for myspace under a different name and used someone's picture and sent her a message and she freaken responded Thank you for your comments. My husband doesn't let me talk to other guys so please be careful. I was floored and confronted her . Of course she got mad at me for setting her up but I needed to know. I know she loves e with all her heart and I don't think she would cheat phsyically on me be I think she has this desire to have this communication with guys. She has never really flirted too much but they sure do. SHe is a very good looking 36 year old and guys are always asking to be her friend on myspace but she deletes them now and tells everyone I am also on her myspace. I don't really know what to think or do. Am I just a Jealous guy who has low self esteem or maybe not giving her what she need or is she just that type of a woman that will always do this. I know she has private conversations with her ex affair guy and other guys I just can't prove it and I feel like a creep when I spy on her. SHe has said she doesn't do it know more. But I just read a email from her ex husband it said I cute how are you and she responded I am great exy and then just normal chit chat. So my question is am I wrong or is she wrong is she going to cheat on me or what. I am confused and don't want to fight with her about it and me spying on her NO more. Thanks for listening.

Parajr · Mar 17, 2007, 07:37 PM

I hate to say this to you, but I would hate to be in this situation. I know human natre , and there is a very good chance that she is doing the same thing again. There is nothing that she can do to justifiy still having contact with this dude after having an affair before with him. You owe it to yourself to ask her to stop all contact with him.

Jerac1 · Mar 17, 2007, 07:44 PM

I have several times asked her to not and she does well for awhile then its starts again. I met him at the hockey game and I felt very uncomfortable. She didn't even satnd next to e she stood next to my daughter. I am not sure why she is still talking to him

Jerac1 · Mar 17, 2007, 07:47 PM

Originally Posted by Parajr

I hate to say this to you, but I would hate to be in this situation. I know human natre , and there is a very good chance that she is doing the same thing again. There is nothing that she can do to justifiy still having contact with this dude after having an affair before with him. You owe it to yourself to ask her to stop all contact with him.

I have told her then she does well for awhile but then it starts up again. I met him and it was very uncomfortable and I just am not sure

ggmagoo · Mar 28, 2007, 02:28 PM

I think you know the answer to your own question. You are just waiting on her to do it. Then you will feel free to leave. What total disrespect. She is probably cheating on you as you read this.

glowpres · Mar 28, 2007, 08:22 PM

I really don't know what to tell you. If it were me, I would feel the same way. She maybe flirting now, but who knows if it won't go further.

incognito · Mar 28, 2007, 09:05 PM

No offense, but I wouldn't be too sure about a 36 year old who's on Myspace.
I tend to be cautious about those older than mid-20's who are on Myspace.
Myspace has become the new haven for "hooking up."

Marily · Mar 29, 2007, 07:03 AM

I really feel for you, not only is she betraying your trust but she is causing unneccasary arguments. I know that you want your marriage to work and that you love her, she is busy making you feel insecure. I think that you should discuss the matter in a loving and calming way, ask her why she want to talk to other men when you are suppose to be her best friend. A wife is suppose to honor her husband, a husband is suppose to meet his wife's needs, you are not the problem, if she really cares about you she would stop her nonsens

phillysteakandcheese · Mar 29, 2007, 08:12 AM

Think about this logically for a moment - You don't think she'll cheat on you. However - She has cheated in the past and is still talking to the person she cheated with, and is also seeking attention from other guys behind your back.

Regardless of what she says, her actions are telling you that she's ready to cheat on you (if she isn't already).

Clealry, she isn't that concerned about the relationship with you. If she was, she would have stopped seeking attention from these other guys, stopped hiding things from you, and focused on you and her marriage.

I'm sorry, but it's difficult to see a future with her when she continues behaviour that is condusive to cheating on the marriage.

NowWhat · Mar 29, 2007, 03:58 PM

If you trusted her completely - you would not feel the need to check emails and myspace. TRUST YOUR GUT! If something inside of you is saying something isn't quite right - then it's not.
And, she doesn't have to have sex with someone to have an affair. It would just be an emotional affair - and those can hurt just as much. From what you have said - it sounds like she is having an emotional affair.
I'm sorry for what you are feeling and I wish you the best of luck!

gypsy456 · Mar 29, 2007, 07:51 PM

Originally Posted by Jerac1

I have told her then she does well for awhile but then it starts up again. I met him and it was very uncomfortable and i just am not sure

Don't accept it.

It's simple.

You are married. A friendship is fine, but by the sound of it this is going further...
Get help from a counselor... this is too much to carry by yourself !

Good luck.

marisees05 · Apr 18, 2007, 08:17 PM

I'm pretty much going through the same situation... but mine is with my boyfriend/ ex boyfriend! I don't really know what to call him. I used to always check his because he was very flirty with other girls. Then when he was visiting some friends in NYC around the time of our three year anniversary... I found a video in his phone of him having a 3some! Then we broke up... etc... then a couple months later we got back together and didn't check his until one night like a couple months later I did and it was the same old ! Him being a whore! There are saying not saying this is your wife I mean it with no disrespect but you never can change a hockey player into a husband and you never can change a whore into a house wife! I'm really not calling your wife a whore, I'm just saying that sometimes people don't change even though we hope and pray they will!!

talaniman · Apr 18, 2007, 08:32 PM

Sorry guy, but you had better givethis a lot of thought and conversation as this would never work for me.

William Yoon · May 3, 2007, 02:24 AM

Look like you are having a big problem. Perhaps you just wait and see. Wait until she
Voices out her decision on the marriage. It is too bad some people like to flirt around
Even though after married. They have no feelings on their partners.

I do not know you have consider getting a divorce - although it should be the last alternative. Probably, if the situation gets to a state beyond your tolerance, divorce
Should be a viable solution. No point hanging around an unfaithful partner.

These are simply my personal views. You need not pay any attention if you are
Disagreeable to them.