[CarlyMcC84]

I have been seeing a man who has a girlfriend for a long time now. I know that this is awful and I do feel guilty about it.

It started when we worked together. I was only 18 when it first began and he was 21. He had been with his girlfriend for four years. We started flirting with each other and after a year we kissed and then eventually started sleeping together. I know that at that point he did have feelings for me and although I never told him I did love him. We were seeing each other for 2 years until I decided to end things as I know he would never leave his girfriend and I wanted to be in ahappy relationship too.

Three years later we got in touch again (I had accidentally emailed him from my work email to his). I was living with my boyfriend at the time and he was still in his relationship. We emailed for a while and then he gave me his number again to stay in touch. After a year we bumped into each other on a night out and it all started again. We have been sleeping together for the past 2 years now. He told me a few times while drinking that he loved me but I never said it back. To be honest I was afraid to tell him I loved him back. And on New Years Eve a few weeks ago we met up and he told me he loved me again. I am not a niave person. I know some people might have thought he has been leading me on but I'm not stupid. However this time I did tell him I loved him back.

I know he does have feelings for me however we will never be together, He is about to start looking for a house to buy with his girlfriend - now of 11 years. I always knew this would end in me getting my heart broken. I can honestly say I love him and will struggle to try to move on. I just don't know were to start?? The first time we ended things I found myself a new boyfriend moved in with him and got engaged but I always had this other man on my mind. I know I need to move on I just don't know how?

[Oliver2011]

Break all ties with the other guy. Get rid of his phone number, his email address, the pictures in your phone (assuming you have his pics there) and anything else related to this guy. That is the first step to moving forward.

Also if you cheated on the person you are now with I believe you need to make that situation correct as well. Otherwise that will be on the back of your mind for as long as you are with that person.

[joypulv]

I would have no use for someone who seems to think a relationship hinges on the words 'I love you.' But even worse, this man expected to hear it from you while he was in a solid commitment with someone else! Know what that sounds like to me? Either someone who just likes to collect notches in his bedpost or someone who can't let go of his current girlfriend until he hears 3 little words that are not the real evidence of love at all.

[dontknownuthin]

Well, the problem is that neither of you are honest people, and there's a cost associated with the values you choose to live. I don't mean to sound Victorian about it, but you are talking about a man who had a girlfriend, not a wife, and didn't leave her. You should have had enough respect for yourself in the start to have made that a deal breaker issue. You were willing to let him call the shots, and accept the scraps he would give you, which of course, aren't as satisfying as a meal.

Now you are living with another man, and have been cheating on him. Two cheaters aren't likely to end up in a happy relationship at the end.

I think you should move on from this man you supposedly love. I would argue it's not love - it's infatuation. He's manipulated you very well to stick by him despite his appalling treatment of you and his girlfriend. It's not a real relationship, built on defrauding his so-called girlfriend.

I think you also should break up with the man you call your boyfriend. You've cheated on him for two years and treated him like a convenience, not a partner. He deserves better. You do, too, but not until you stop with the two-timing behavior, come clean with everyone and start over.

[CarlyMcC84]

Well, the problem is that neither of you are honest people, and there's a cost associated with the values you choose to live. I don't mean to sound Victorian about it, but you are talking about a man who had a girlfriend, not a wife, and didn't leave her. You should have had enough respect for yourself in the start to have made that a deal breaker issue. You were willing to let him call the shots, and accept the scraps he would give you, which of course, aren't as satisfying as a meal.

Now you are living with another man, and have been cheating on him. Two cheaters aren't likely to end up in a happy relationship at the end.

I think you should move on from this man you supposedly love. I would argue it's not love - it's infatuation. He's manipulated you very well to stick by him despite his appalling treatment of you and his girlfriend. It's not a real relationship, built on defrauding his so-called girlfriend.

I think you also should break up with the man you call your boyfriend. You've cheated on him for two years and treated him like a convenience, not a partner. He deserves better. You do, too, but not until you stop with the two-timing behavior, come clean with everyone and start over.

Sorry I didn't make it clear. Me and my boyfriend split it before we started seeing each other again. Not that it makes it right considering he had a girlfriend, I know.

[Homegirl 50]

You need to leave this man alone. Break all contact. Email, phone calls, everything. This is crazy. Do you want to play second fiddle for the rest of your life, and what kind of man cheats on a woman for as long as he has?

[Oliver2011]

You need to leave this man alone. Break all contact. Email, phone calls, everything. This is crazy. Do you want to play second fiddle for the rest of your life, and what kind of man cheats on a woman for as long as he has?

I totally agree with Homegirl but honestly when have I not agreed with Homegirl?

[CarlyMcC84]

You need to leave this man alone. Break all contact. Email, phone calls, everything. This is crazy. Do you want to play second fiddle for the rest of your life, and what kind of man cheats on a woman for as long as he has?

I get what you are saying. But just to be clear when you said to leave him alone, I am not doing the chasing. I tried to move on. As I say I'm in no way niave I know how people may view me and my situation but I do want to get over this and live a happy life.

[Homegirl 50]

You may not be doing the chasing but you are allowing yourself to be chased. Tell him to leave you alone, that you don't want to see or talk to him again and mean it. Ignore any communication from him. He will get the message.