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spitfire12345 · Mar 17, 2007, 01:43 PM

Hi my son is three and when I'm alone with him he does everything he can to be as naughty as possible, he won't listen to a word I say, he shouts at me and he purposefully goes from room to room making as much mess as possible its getting to the point that I can't do nice things with him because I am constantly cleaning up after him. I feel as though I'm losing control and I'm always feeling depressed I just want an end to it. The sad thing about all this is he never used to be like this he used to be such a lovely boy and we had so much fun doing things together, now I'm just not enjoying him anymore please any advice will be gratefully received. p.s to complicate things further I'm 6mnths pregnant and every time I get stressed out by him I get very strong braxton hicks contractions great eh?

shannonoleyar · Mar 17, 2007, 09:56 PM

Do you think he is jealous of the pregnancy?

Teaching · Mar 17, 2007, 10:14 PM

He is testing his limits and definitely senses the pregnancy. I would really talk to him about the baby and read to him about the baby. He is looking for your attention. I have seen this in daycare all the time. Giving him a role of a big brother will help him and give him empowerment. Make sure he is not left out especially when friends/family give a gift for your new baby, etc. He is needing your time for sure. Does he go to daycare, I would ask them for stories, etc. it will give you support.

spitfire12345 · Mar 18, 2007, 08:09 AM

I don't think he is jealous because he is very excited about being a big brother he is the perfect angel in front of everyone else and when my husband is there its great its as if he knows that I'm feeling more and more tired although I try not to show it secretly I have been taking a nap when he does too! He is due to go to preschool in April I'm just hoping that will help give him something else to do other than try to annoy me but its just hard when he is so naughty and nothing works thank you to both of you for your comments I will try the more attention approach

J_9 · Mar 18, 2007, 08:23 AM

I too feel that he is expressing jealousy. You say he acts fine around your friends and your husband. But it is around you that there seems to be the problem.

You see, YOU are the one pregnant, you are the one that he is taking out his aggression.

What helped my kids whenever I gave birth to a new baby (I have 4) friends would not only bring a gift for the new baby, but for the older one as well. In that manner, they did not feel so left out.

He, does indeed need more attention, especially from you.

spitfire12345 · Mar 18, 2007, 08:32 AM

Thank you for the advice and I will start trying to give him a lot more attention it does actually make sense because by making the mess I'm telling him off ill try a different approach thank you very much

J_9 · Mar 18, 2007, 08:42 AM

Hun, he is only 3. He cannot even begin to fathom what is going on in your tummy. Yes, he may be excited that he is going to be a big brother, but at 3 it is not possible for him to totally understand that this is permanent, that this is even a new human life.

His emotions are playing havoc with him right now, he does not yet understand how the world works, let alone his own family. He may be angry at you for being pregnant, for bringing a new baby, but excited at the same time.

When I had my second child, I gave my oldest a doll, some bottles and diapers. (they were both boys) The oldest was a "daddy" and had to feed his baby whenever I fed mine, changed a diaper whenever I changed a diaper.

I know it sounds silly, but it gave him responsibility and made him feel like a Big Boy. It also took much of the focus off the new baby and put more focus on him. The "meanness" that was there only toward me during the pregnancy stopped.

Your little one is just confused right now. Spend lots of time with him now, and don't forget to when the baby comes also.

urstruly85 · Mar 20, 2007, 12:22 PM

Originally Posted by spitfire12345

hi my son is three and when im alone with him he does everything he can to be as naughty as possible, he wont listen to a word i say, he shouts at me and he purposefully goes from room to room making as much mess as possible its getting to the point that i can't do nice things with him because i am constantly cleaning up after him. I feel as though im losing control and im always feeling depressed i just want an end to it. The sad thing about all this is he never used to be like this he used to be such a lovely boy and we had so much fun doing things together, now im just not enjoying him anymore please any advice will be gratefully received. p.s to complicate things further im 6mnths pregnant and everytime i get stressed out by him i get very strong braxton hicks contractions great eh?

He could be jealous of the pregnancy, knowing that a newcomer is coming. Rememeber he has had all your attention for three years now and now he is going to have to share you guys. Talk to him as much as you can about the baby, let him help make decsions about the baby, such as what theme should the baby have for his/her room, what type of toys etc. And when the baby gets here let him help you make the bottle or help you feed the baby. Yes it may take more time but he will feel like he is needed and loved. Also do special things with him, just him when the baby gets here.