[nerdylove93]

I feel so alienated at my college...

In high school I had a lot of friends! Most of whom I still hangout with till this day. It wasn't hard to get to know them because they were very friendly, but people at college I find are the exact opposite.

When I first entered college I had one friend from high school (we'll call her Andrea) who was coming with me and I thought I would just stick with her if no one else wanted me to talk with them, but then I met this one girl who seemed VERY eager to be my friend so I started talking to her too (we'll call her Taylor). She eventually became friends with both me and Andrea, we ate lunch in the cafeteria together most days but after first year things began to change DRASTICALLY!

Taylor became sort of stand offish towards me. She was still friends with Andrea. I tried to talk to new people but eventually Taylor came in. We went out for lunch as a group a couple of times but whenever I would talk they would all just stare at me and say nothing.

I'm in my third and final year now and Taylor has stopped talking to me completely. When I try to talk to her she avoids eye contact and occasionally replies with snide comments. Me and Andrea have drifted apart too. Now it seems like Taylor has become very popular. She will plan lunch or dinner with everyone else in the class but she never asks me if I want to join anymore, no one even acknowledges my existence. My only friend in college now is a woman who is much older than me. I miss Andrea, but she seems so disengaged when she talks to me.

I must add that I am in a VERY competitive program (with very few students) and I think maybe Taylor is jealous of me. She became less friendly when I started receiving positive attention for my work.

I only have one year to go. What do you think I should do here? Should I try to talk to people in class or should I give up on them and just stick to my high school friends?

[Oliver2011]

First stop worrying about Taylor. She is either jealous, mean, or whatever. It is her problem not yours. Don't make it your problem. If she chooses to not be your friend, move on.

There are all kinds of organizations, clubs, groups, or what have you at College. Find one you like or find more than one and join and participate. You should have been doing this from day one. You can always start one of your own too.

There are other places to meet people than just your college. Join a tennis lesson group, go to church, go to a cooking class, etc, etc, etc. Sometimes you got to go the extra mile but in the end it is worth it.

Last - college doesn't last forever so develop the how to make friends now so you can use them in the next stage of life.

[joshfella]

Strange... but not really.

You know this is college, I never think there is some certain kind people like this existing in college anymore. Oliver is right, the more attention you give to Taylor, the more your mind is not at ease since you always ask yourself "why so?"

As an engineering student and study with whole bunch of nerds people, I can imagine the situation, because people in my class don't talk a lot. And my first language is not English either, so when I was in high school at 16 here, I have like 1 friend :D You can imagine I said "hi" to this guy in my first day of school and he ignored me in front of my face ---> the guy has problem. Feel terrible, but let it go off my mind soon since it's not worth thinking about.

But things changed in college and here is how many people know me, and for awhile I was kind of popular during my first 2 years in college: by working on campus. I was a math tutor, and I met about 20 different students during my 2-3 hours shift everyday, and I talked more than I wanted to there. I made some good friends who are also students that I tutored too. One time this shy girl came to me and ask for a problem, she's so tiny and I just innocently commented that "you're so cute". Since that time, she found me everywhere on campus like a stalker, and always claim to my friends that she is my BFF. Then, we became BFF then and still now, because I never pushed her away regardless the action is a little bit creepy :D I later find out, she's a popular girl though she always told me she has no friend and I saw her talk to a lot of people on campus, I asked her "How did we become BFF?" She said "Remember back then you said that I was so cute", I was like "Oh....Really? I don't even remember"

So the story is about you can expose yourself in some certain specific place in campus that you love (if here is the place you want to make friends). Don't be afraid of showing your skills, because that's how people know you and you stand out from the crowd. AND OH, you said you got positive attention from your work? That makes it even easier. Second, if you have positive opinion about someone, express them, they probably will love it. And who knows it means a lot more than you think to that person. If you think college turn you into a talk less person then try initiating a simple conservation with new people, try to put a goal, how many people you said "Hi! How are you?"/day

I guess Andrea means a lot to you since the amount of time you guys tied together as friends since high school, but her thinking isn't in the same path as yours. I suggest that you should just let it go. I don't even talk to some of my best college friends now after they graduate, things come and go.

You mention this is your last year too, so I guess you don't have much time for these kind of stuffs anymore. But get your thought off Andrea and Taylor, so more people will come to your mind and with a simple conversation, you can make more connection with more people. I don't know about their problem, if I was in your class and you tried to talk to me... I'll be "hey, let's be friends" :)

[Fr_Chuck]

College is not high school, and most friendships in college come from outside activities. In college you may have one class with someone this year and even see them again, Most friendships come from clubs or other activities