[44loo]

Last year I decided to change my lifestyle and become healthier. My first job was to change my diet and I have achieved this and continue to eat healthy. I also cut down my alcohol intake. I have cut down so much that I only drink now once or twice a month. Thing is is when I do drink its always to get drunk. I really want to cut drink out all together. I don't drink at home or in the week so the only times I do drink is when I am out with friends. I find it hard to go out and not drink and I really want some tips on how I can get round this. I look forward to reading your responses.

[Wondergirl]

Make the obvious choice not to drink. Ask for a soft drink like Coke or quinine water or something not alcoholic.

[44loo]

I have tried this but my friends go on and on and on and then I just think sod it. I wondered if there might be any cbt techniques I could use to help me.

[Wondergirl]

You could stop going out to places where you and your friends drink alcohol. :)

Have you figured out why you drink (and can't say no)? Just like when you ate the wrong foods, but have been able to correct that -- so use the same mental gymnastics. How did you learn to say no to "bad" foods and avoid the tide of cajoling and teasing by others?

[smearcase]

Realize that you have total control of your life and choices about 95+% of the time, but you are satisfied to be totally (depending on how drunk you get) out of control for probably several hours per month. You risk waking up one morning and having to take the word of others about what you did or didn't do the night before. It is out of character for you and you need to realize that you may be an alcoholic (depending on which definition of alcoholism you read).

[odinn7]

I've been there. Years ago I was a heavy drinker... really heavy. When I found out I was going to be a father, I decided I needed to change my lifestyle. Unfortunately, I have no magic answer for you other than what I went through. In order to cut this out, I had to stop going places with friends for a while. This allowed me to get everything under control and gave me time to get clear and understand I was in control of myself.

Now I drink a few beers a month. I would say if I have 6 a month that would be a lot for me at this point. But the fact is, I can now go places and not get hammered.

[44loo]

Thanks for the advice. I am off to a party next weekend and I really don't want to drink. I have a plan to take pop and go with another none drinking friend

[Fr_Chuck]

Talk to your friends in a strong and angry tone, tell them to stop doing this or you will have to stop coming to the party.

** I will note, once you stay sober, you will normally find them drunk and not very funny when sober,

[44loo]

I really am determined to do this. The point about alcoholic has really hit home as I know a lot of people worse than me and I think this will help me resist.

[odinn7]

** I will note, once you stay sober, you will normally find them drunk and not very funny when sober,

Wow... funny that you say this. I have friends that still haven't grown up (we are in our 40's now) and still party all the time. They invite me to go with them and I have a few times in the past and what I saw just annoyed me. The stupid and childish behavior was just too much.

[KD3]

The fact that you have trouble passing on the first drink likely indicates that you are either an alcoholic or someone who eventually will be an alcoholic if you keep going with your drinking behavior. "Normies" (people who can drink socially/ normally) don't have a problem not drinking in social situations.

If you have friends who push you to drink, maybe it's time that you associated with a new group of friends. Real friends should understand and respect that you don't want a drink and not try to push it on you or try to make you feel rejected.

In truth, the people who "push" and "argue" the hardest about YOU not drinking probably have the biggest problems themselves and don't want to stand out. They want everyone to drink (and ASSUME that everyone drinks or should want to drink like they do.) These are probably the first people who you need to avoid.

Continuing to hang out with these types of people is a very risky situation. As we say in recovery programs, "If you hang around a barbershop long enough, you're going to get a haircut!!" (Substitute bars or heavy drinkers or whatever into that sentence.)

If you have a legitimate reason to be in a bar or drinking situation (to be social, not to drink!), you still need to plan for how to avoid the first drink.

(1) Check your motives. Be honest with yourself. Are there reasons for you to be there besides alcohol?

(2) Make sure your physical & emotional state is not in a weakened position -- which might make you more likely to imbibe. (One memory-aid, for example, is "HALT"... don't be hungry, angry, lonely, or tired.) If you are in a weak position, maybe you need to pass on this situation.

(3) Have safety nets. Make sure you have one or more friends who are either sober or who will respect your decision and support you. Also, do not get "stranded" at a party with no way to leave. If you don't drive yourself, have a way to get out of there without depending on other people.

(4) Don't make excuses. If someone asks you if you want a drink, all you have to say is "NO". They don't need to hear why or "not tonight" or any weak-willed response. If someone asks you if you don't drink, you don't have to say "I used to ... " Just say, "No, I don't drink" -- or if they know you have in the past, say "I don't want a drink tonight." Don't open up discussions about it that might make them try to convince you it's okay to "just have one." If you're like many of us in recovery, there is no such thing as "just one drink."

(5) Keep a (NON-ALCOHOLIC) drink in your hand at all times so that someone won't offer to "buy you a drink." Something that LOOKS like a real mixed drink works well... sprite or ginger ale with a twist of lime for example. Or you could order a VIRGIN version of a Bloody Mary or a similar drink. You could even discretely make arrangement with the bartender beforehand and tell him do NOT serve you any alcohol whether you ask for it or not and tell him what your "usual" (NON-ALCOHOLIC) drink is so that you can order refills without highlighting to others that you aren't drinking. Some bars even give free non-alcoholic drinks to Designated Drivers.

Why don't I recommend an obvious soft drink? If you're used to hanging around drinking buddies, it will likely invite more discussion and make it harder to decline. You don't want to draw attention to yourself. And most people won't care either way -- unless they have a problem themselves. If you're not drinking, you'll start to notice others who aren't drinking either (and who you never noticed) or you will have how little other people really drank (even though us heavy drinkers often assumed everyone was drinking like we did.)

In case you *DO* have a problem with alcohol, I would not recommend sipping "O'doul's" or other "non-alcoholic" beers. There are trace amounts of alcohol in those that in an alcoholic might set off the "phenomenon of craving" for more alcohol.

(6) Have a written list of WHY you don't want to drink tonight. Keep it in your pocket and pull it out if you get dicey. Remember all the positive reasons for not drinking and all the negatives that can happen if you do.

(7) Have a phone safety net as well as one there in person -- people who you can talk to for advice and support who might not be able to be there in person to support you. And even if you don't plan to use it, have a few numbers of taxi companies who can whisk you out of there, or in larger cities you might keep the schedule of mass transit such as buses or subways.

(8) Have plans to leave at a reasonable hour. Chances are, if you're not drinking, you'll tire of watching your friends get sloshed as the night goes on anyway and you'll decide you would rather spend those hours getting some shut-eye and waking up refreshed at a reasonable hour the next day.

Good luck with making these changes!