[jodar7]

I’m 23 and never dated or had a boyfriend in my life. People have said I'm cute/really pretty so I know it isn't my looks, but I have suffered for years from social anxiety. My SA gets particularly worse around men (especially those I find attractive). I’ve been talking to a guy “Kyle” on OKCupid for about a week. I moved cities over the summer and he lives one city away from me at present, and used to live in the city I currently reside in. (Hope that makes sense) Anyway he seems pretty nice and we have stuff in common. I added him to Facebook a few days ago at his request, and we’ve been exchanging messages.

Yesterday he asked me if I could get out of work sometime and grab a coffee with him. I’m busy most of time as I own a small business but I do get the odd day off. My issue is that I’m afraid of meeting up with him and having my social anxiety get in the way. My SA always makes me awkward, shy and I tend to give off the body language of not being interested in a guy even though I am. Plus I can’t flirt for sh*t. I haven’t responded to his message yet, but I’m about to. Is it too soon to confess to him over Facebook that "I’m actually dealing with social anxiety, so if I act shy or a bit off when you meet me don't take it personally"?

I don’t know if we’re compatible as a “couple,” I may just find myself with a new friend (which would be awesome since I don’t have guy friends) But I don’t want to give him the wrong impression right off the bat. I don't want to wait until we've been on X number of dates, because I doubt it would even get that far if I fail to explain my issue.

[gianele]

Do tell him! I just ended a relationship with a guy who had social anxiety(among other things) and I had to figure it out on my own which caused me confusion, grief and self doubt.

Just tell him you are excited to meet him, however you are a little shy and you think it has to do with a slight anxiety problem you have. I may be wrong, however with anxiety the more you do things, the easier they get because you realize there is nothing to be nervous about.

Try that, but do tell him otherwise he will not know what your problem is if a situation arises; and may end it over a mis-interpretation.

[Homegirl 50]

It won't hurt to tell him. You don't need to go into deep detail about it but enough that he is aware and won't think you are not interested.

[talaniman]

I say NO, until you are sure this nice guy is a nice guy and not a charming predator. Coffee in a safe place is fine but maybe a first meeting isn't the place to make him aware you have personal issues, just leave it with you are shy in public. Then you can observe HIS actions and reactions, which are more important than worrying about your SA.

Don't try to over compensate your SA with too much information, so soon. Enjoy your coffee but keep it simple ad stay alert. You don't need a boyfriend just yet,no matter how bad you want one, so go slow until you are more comfortable with yourself. The more casual interactions with people, especially men the more experience you will gain, but don't just latch onto the first coffee date and expect the great first love of your life, thats not healthy, and very counterproductive, and dangerous as well.

Hope you stay open to other offers for coffee or a movie or whatever from others.