[Aylin]

I was wondering if anyone on this site has been sexually assaulted by a stranger. I was two months ago while I was traveling in Europe I cut my traveling short because of it. I've tried to find information on the way people act after and basically have found out everyone acts differently. I'm noticing more and more differences in myself now and I don't know if it's from travel or from the attack. I've also got a ton of questions and if anybody has an answer to any of them I would be extremely thankful.

One of the things I’ve noticed is I’m now far more attracted to older guys I'm 18 and they guys I’m finding attractive are between 28-30. I don't have a problem with other people falling in love when there are huge age gaps but that's just not me I know nothing will ever happen and I don't even really want anything to happen but I’m thinking that way anyway. I still like guys in my on age range but I’m just not around them as much.

Second is I'm finding I'm willing to be more promiscuous now then before which really confuses me. I was a virgin when I was raped and I had never fully kiss a guy (with tongue). Just last weekend though I was at a party and saw a guy I met at New Years and by the end of the night we were making out which surprised the hell out of my friends and if you had asked me 4 months ago if I would do something like that the answer would have been with out a question no. That doesn't seem right wouldn't it make sense that I would avoid something like that even more?

Third and final question: Even before I left for Europe I had, had ideas of joining the RCMP and doing that for a career now I really want to do that and am working on getting a criminology diploma at my college. So when I got back, I went on this ride along (basically I ride with a constable for their 11 or 12 hour shift go to all their files and things like that) with some one my dad used to know. It was fun the constable was nice and the whole experience made me want to look into policing even more. Well about 3 weeks after my ridealong with him, around Christmas time I started getting really depressed because the police in Europe said they had arrested someone and would send a photo line up to me. On Christmas it had been nearly 4 weeks since they told me this and I was getting frustrated so one day I called the constable on his cell and asked to talk to him. I told him what had happened and if the police in Europe could send the line-up to his station so I could see them faster and they could possibly get him in jail faster. Although he was nice about it and helped me out a lot with information on the day I went and talked to him. I've been trying to contact him to go on another ridealong, and he refuses to talk to me. The only time his cell is on is when he's working and I’ve tried to call him twice in the last two weeks both times he's said he was in a file but that he would call me back but never did. Is there something in a code of conduct that says because he's helped me in this case I can't go on ridealongs or something? Or is it simply because I told him after only meeting him once (he knew me when I was 10 or 11 but I don't really remember him) and now he doesn't want to talk to me because he feels uncomfortable, is it me? Does he think I won’t be as carefree as I was on the first ridealong when he didn't know? The last two sentences are more what I'm thinking are true. I can still be care free at times I haven’t let this rule my life, does it get me down YES but I know I can get through it and I'm all the stronger for it. I mean very few of my friends know only my really close ones. I've gotten by without talking about it, even with the friends who know we rarely talk about it and when we do it short and then we move on. I'm not the type to wear my emotions on my sleeve. He's the first person I told who I haven't known for at least 6 years. I'm starting to think it was a big mistake and that I shouldn't have involved the RCMP here at all, I really don't think they can help me. Part of this is said in frustration because this is what I think I want to do with the rest of my life. And I think if in the future someone came up to me and asked for help I would do everything I can to make sure I call them back at least and not ignore them. My mind-set is obviously different then his but I'm still frustrated. Is it normal for people who don't know you very well (even police officers not on your case but know you) to shun you because of something you’ve been through?

[tizzymilato]

Whew... first of all, I am very sorry for what happened to you. I know how it feels. Except I wasn't raped by a stranger, I was raped by an exboyfriend that I was with for two years. That hurt on so many levels.

People deal with these things differently, as I've come to realize. I dealt with it very similar to you, I liked older guys for a while, because they seemed a bit less harmless, and I guess in the back of my mind I thought that they woudlnt do such a thing to a younger girl as easily as a younger guy would. They were more established, and maybe would understand what I went through a little better than someone else. I dated a lot more after my incident, with all different types of guys, but when things got to be a little serious I left and picked up another one. I'm not saying I slept with all of them, but just companion wise, I had a wider variety of guys that I would date at a time.

The thing you have to remember is that, what happened to you will affect your life forever. Its not a good thing. But you can learn to deal with it in ways that will turn your life into something wonderful, to the point where you will have things that right now I know that you feel you don't deserve. You were the victim and you deserve the best possible things to come out of your life. But this type of thing isn't solved by dating around and shutting guys out, nor does it get solved by sticking with older guys and shunning the ones your age. The only way this will be solved is in your head. You have to get over this one, all by yourself, of course with the support of loved ones. But you can do it, I have.

If the constable will not talk to you, id give him the benefit of the doubt for a little bit. I don't know too much about this kind of stuff, but there just might be a law that he can't hang out with sumone he helped in a case or whatever. However, NOBODY should shun you based on something you went trough, especially two people, (1) your family (2) the law. They are supposed to be the first people to help you.

Anyway, I don't know if I've been much help. But I wish you the best with dealing withb your situation. Keep you head up, you have no idea how powerul you really are. I didn't.