[Roxy1334]

-Sorry in advance for the long story-
My husband and I have been married for a little over 2 years now. He kind of knew that I had cheated on him while we were dating and I denied it when he asked. After we got married I have been nothing but faithful and had a brief online fantasy with an old crush but soon ended it because I knew it was wrong.

When I did cheat on him it was after dating for 2 months. Previously months ago I ended an engagement to my ex because he cheated and I left him after I gave him a second chance. I rebelled and started to date every guy I liked and then end it after a while. After I met my husband I really started to like him but my mind was saying he is too good to be true. I slept with 2 guys who "were" my friends in the same time frame of each other. I ended up fooling around with 2 other guys I knew but nothing more and ended my ways when I realized I was being selfish and he was being everything I could ever ask for in a man.

I should have told him right off but didn't. We ended up getting married and soon after I became pregnant with our 1st child. He was a solider and deployed after I was 4 months pregnant.I stayed faithful the whole time he was gone.I didn't want to be one of "those" wives but in the end I was no better previously. Right before he came home for good after our son was born and was 5months, an old crush from years before came in contact with me. It was a friendly relationship until he started instigating and I caved and started to fantasize with him.I ended that relationship fast after my husband came home because he found out about that and was furious and I don't blame him one bit. It was my fault and dumb mistake. He then started to question me again about my cheating when we were dating and again I was scared and denied it. We worked it out.I was an open book to him, let him search my computer when he wanted, check my phone, had all of my passwords to things such as email and we shared a FB account after the altercation.

Its been almost a year and we were both having an off night. He had half a wine bottle to drink and I didn't know it and he was friendly just making conversation but in an irritating way to where I left for bed. He later sends me a nasty text so I confronted him politely and we talked. He still brought up my lying ways and so I decided I finally tell the whole solid truth. He flipped out in rage, broke a few things and almost hit me. I gave him what he wanted and it was too much. He told me in the past if I was honest we could work everything out. He lied and is only thinking of one thing, the D word. I told him we should work it out for the sake of our child but he is even denying him and I scheduled a paternity test to prove to him I was faithful and that his son is his without at doubt. Its been 3 days now since he left that night in rage only came home once to grab some clothes and say hi to our son who doesn't understand what's going on.

I'm willing to fight for him and getting that off my chest was the start.I have no skeletons in my closet anymore and my husband rarely even talks about his past or anything for that matter and when I ask he just ignores it or just heads in a different direction in a conversation. He told me before he left that I should go to counselling which I'm willing to do to gain his trust back and better myself but in reality I think we should both go. He has PTSD and seen his best friend pass away and I'm wondering if this could be part of it too. I just want him to open up to me as I am now and fall in love with me again because I can't lose a good man like he is and a great father to our child. I've admitted my wrongdoing and accepting the fact that I was a tramp but I'm not that anymore. People can change and I am one of them. How can I convince him that I'm changed? Can it work out?

[jbhl]

Hi, men and women work differenly, and this is a personal belief. Don't rebut, because I don't care if you think differently I am just giving my two cents.

Men consider love as being undeniable and irrefutable loyalty. Through the ups and downs, at his best and his worst, he expects you to be there for him. For men this is love. For women love is devotion, undying, if a man cheats a woman is more likely to forgive him because the love now is more important to her than anything. For a woman, love is telling him that you are there, doing things for him, and giving all of yourself up for someone else, selfless and strong.

But see, he believes love to be loyalty, and if you break that loyalty, then he feels real cheated. Convince him that you know how you feel about him now, that you won't do wrong again, that you will be loyal because once you found out he was serious about you, you stayed on the straight and narrow.

But don't think he doesn't have reason to feel the hurt, you're his sweetheart after all, you don't belong in anyone's heart but his. Say you'll show him exactly how devoted you are, he will listen... atleast a good man will.

[ANGIE4124]

After two months of dating him I would not consider that cheating or being a tramp. You were still sorting out your head from the previous relationship to commit to someone who appealed to you etc. However if after several months of dating had you did this, I'd flip out also. But you did not do this! You also acknowledge that it was dumb on your part to cave in “on an old crush” in your husband's absence. So by this, I sense you have the ability to improve/change.

Now a year later; he still has a preconceived notion that you are answerable to cheating on him back then. It's unfortunate that you divulged the “whole solid truth” because most people can't handle the truth… especially when they're not sober! It's like adding fuel to a fire! Ouch!

In the meanwhile let him be; he is angry and needs space to sort out his thoughts… The more you nag this issue, the more a man can coil up and not wish to speak! Although, in a few days, but less than a week I'd perhaps initiate contact on a casual basis to let him know how the baby is going? If he starts to voice his anger; just listen and try not to react.

This can work out, but it will take two people and some joint counselling if need be…

Take Care