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daisyfairy · Mar 16, 2007, 02:23 PM

I am 20 years old and my fiancé is 21. We have been together for 3 years now. We moved to a new city out of state and away from everyone we know only 2 years ago and I only have a few friends here. I get lonely. I love kids and have always wanted lots of kids when I got older. I dearly want to have a baby now but my fiancé doesn't want one now. I so have baby fever. When I mention I want a baby he doesn't want to even have sex for like a few weeks. What do I do?

JoeCanada76 · Mar 16, 2007, 02:26 PM

You do nothing. Can not force somebody to have a baby when they are not ready. Just continue to communicate but do not force the issue. The more you force the issue. The more you push him away of having the idea of having children. Play it smart. You're still very young, what is the rush? If it is only because your lonely. You are wanting children for the wrong reason. Bring a child in this world because your in love with your partner because BOTH of you want children. Best of luck.

Joe

Squiffy · Mar 16, 2007, 02:28 PM

If he is sure he doesn't want kids and you are sure you do, it might be time to have a re think about your relationship. You need to discuss this with him as soon as possible, don't wait until you are married and hope he will change his mind, he may be hoping you will change yours. Don't 'accidentally' fall pregnant and think it will change his mind, though some men do change after the baby is born, most change for the worse and not the better if they didn't want to be a dad!
You just need to discuss this with him. I am in a similar situation, my partner and I both have kids from previous marriages, he has five and I have two, and I would love depserately for us to have another child together, but he doesn't want anymore, and I love him and respect that decision, however much I wish he would change his mind!

manimuth · Mar 16, 2007, 02:30 PM

It sounds like your loneliness may be giving you that "baby fever". Having a child is a very serious decision and it is imperative that you and your partner AGREE on this issue.

What kind of a life do you have? Do you work? Why do you feel lonely?

Find hobbies. Explore and discover new things. You are still very young so have fun and enjoy being with your fiancé before you have kids.

J_9 · Mar 16, 2007, 02:40 PM

Originally Posted by daisyfairy

I get lonely

Understand that a baby tends to isolate you even more. Being lonely is not a reason to have a baby.

If your fiancé is not ready for a baby, then you need to wait. I understand that you love kids, but having your own is a totally different experiece.

If you want to be with this man then you need to respect his wishes. A child is the ultimate sacrifice. If your fiancé is not ready to make that sacrifice then you will only push him away and end up raising this child alone.

You are still young, you have at least up to 18 more years to have children. Don't rush it or you risk losing everything you have worked for thus far.

shygrneyzs · Mar 16, 2007, 03:04 PM

I agree with everyone - lonliness is the last reason to have a baby. That is trying to make the baby your companion and that does not ever work out like the mother thinks it will. You pin all your hopes and dreams and desires on this child and what a life this child would have to live up to. No thanks.

If you do not work, then perhaps you should consider working. Maybe you and your boyfriend can search out other young couples through your church. Hobbies are a great idea - there are groups that meet, like a homemakers or craft club. Would get you out and mingling with other people.

You need to find the constructive ways to end your lonliness. However, having a baby is not one of those ways. Like everyone has said, your boyfriend is dead set against having a child.

brianneelizabeth · Mar 16, 2007, 05:32 PM

I agree with a post, if kids are something you want and your fiancé is not budging on his decision you need to re-think your relationship

viciousstreak · Mar 16, 2007, 07:36 PM

Originally Posted by daisyfairy

I am 20 years old and my fiance is 21. We have been together for 3 years now. We moved to a new city out of state and away from everyone we know only 2 years ago and i only have a few friends here. I get lonely. I love kids and have always wanted lots of kids when i got older. I dearly want to have a baby now but my fiance doesnt want one now. I so have baby fever. When i mention i want a baby he doesnt want to even have sex for like a few weeks. What do i do?

Get a puppy ;)