[eMiLy002]

Hi I can never get to sleep unless crying or at around 1 am and I've tried counting sheep but it never works and I'm not allowed downstairs cause my mum (I'm 13)
What should I do?

[joypulv]

I had trouble sleeping when I was around 14-17. Please tell us more about what is behind your tears?

[dontknownuthin]

Here is the advise I read over and over about sleeping well. I've tried most of it and it helps a lot.

First, make sure you are sleeping in pleasant environment. Keep your room clean and tidy, make your bed in the mornings so it's more inviting and comfortable when you go back to bed at night, close your door and closet doors and drawers. If you have a lot of stuff in your room, go through it and box up or get rid of some things. It's hard to sleep in an exciting, messy space so go for tranquil and relaxing and neat.

Second, try to use your room only for sleeping and if that's not possible, at least limit it to quiet activities like homework, reading and sleeping. It's better if you can do homework at the dining table, entertain your friends in a different part of the house. Don't use electronics in your room except to listen to music. No television or computer and if you use the phone, only use it for conversations - don't play video games on your phone, for example. The point of this is that you are training your brain that when you are in this space, it is a quiet and restful place.

Another important thing is to set up a schedule. Get up early each day including the weekends (I know, gross, right? But it really helps.) Go to bed as close to the same time each day as you can. If you stay up later on the weekends, just try to stick to the same number of hours of sleep - probably 8 to 10 for your age - per night. So, if you go to bed later, sleep in - but get up once you've had that 8 to 10 hours. Oversleeping in the morning will prevent you from being able to fall asleep at night.

Skip caffeine. If you have pop or tea, choose something without caffeine. Otherwise, stop drinking it by 2 pm so that it's out of your system before you go to bed. Chocolate has caffeine, too, so also avoid that in the afternoon and evening.

Do some kind of physical activity every day - at your age this could be just going outside with your friends, or playing a sport or running around the block a few times. It's best not to do this immediately before bedtime - like perhaps when you get home from school, before you do homework.

You also have to be able to clear your mind. If you have personal problems or worries, find a trusted adult and talk about them. See if you can find solutions, or at least find a way to think about it and work through it if it's beyond your control. If you have serious worries, maybe you can ask your parents or school for counseling to help you work through it.

One of the big things people worry about are unfinished responsibilities. Do your homework as soon as you get home. If something is hard and you're stuck and can't seem to get started, ask for help right away so you don't waste time, energy and sleep worrying about it. If you're getting a bad grade, go to the teacher and make a plan of what you will do each day to improve it. Each day, do that day's plan. When you go to bed knowing that you did everything you were supposed to do for the day, you will be able to relax.

Also establish a routine. Watching television will amp you up - wrong thing to do right before bed. Using your phone and listening to music can do the same. Maybe an hour before you're going to bed, take your shower (unless you bathe in the morning) and put on your pajamas, brush your teeth, put your stuff away and get your stuff ready for the morning - school books in your backpack, get forms for school signed by your parents, make sure all your homework is done. Respond to whatever texts or calls you've gotten from friends, and then turn your phone off and leave it in the kitchen to charge - not in your room. Then like a half hour before bed, go in your room and read. It doesn't matter what you read - if you don't feel like reading a book, read teen or fashion magazines.

Then when it's lights out, focus on your breathing. If something you're worried about comes to mind, think about something pleasant instead. If you're worried about a class, tell yourself, "I did my work for that class today and I have a plan. I will do more about it tomorrow." Whatever worry comes to mind, remind yourself what you are doing about it. Think of really pleasant things - last time you swam in the ocean for example. Imagine what it felt like to have the sun and water on your skin. Every time your mind wanders to the negative or worry, remind yourself "I've done what I can about that" and then go back to thinking about that great memory - watching the fireworks on a warm summer night, or whatever you have good memories of doing.

These things take time. You can't try something one or two nights and think "it doesn't work". You develop habits over time and eventually they work.

Good luck to you.

[dontknownuthin]

Oh - another idea. I've found sometimes when I haven't been sleeping well, it was helpful to change my room. I might put the bed on a different wall, or change the blankets or bedspread, or even repaint another color. I think just feeling like I changed something allowed me to "reset" my mind, and then I was more successful using other methods to sleep. At 13, maybe you are ready to make your room more of a teenager room anyway.

[eMiLy002]

Thank you and most of my tears are of all the bad memories of my life and how I think everyone hates me (which is true) I have a miserable life :'(

[eMiLy002]

Oh yeah I can't move my bed cause it's a bunk bed built into the wall that my horrible evil dad made I'm starting to tear up cause thinking about my dad.

[priceindian]

You just relexed and feel your mother always with you...
Just try one time and you feel better

[eMiLy002]

Ok thank you

[joypulv]

OH GOOD, for starters, get a hammer and a tire iron (that think you change a tire with) and whatever tools you can borrow or find, and start ripping that bunk bed from the wall, no matter what anyone says! And put your mattress on the floor for now. We have to give you some little ways to get some anger out of those tears.
Then we can work on all the people who supposedly don't like you. When was the last time you had a bestie?

[eMiLy002]

Umm like last year everyone hates me :( and looking forward to start breaking the bed :)

[Wondergirl]

Do what I do. I mentally clean something -- the bathroom, my car, the cat litterbox. I'm asleep before I know it.

[joypulv]

OK... but it would be nice to have just one friend who can help you with the demolition, LOL!
Even though it's symbolic.
But still, tell us why everyone hates you, and who everyone is?

[eMiLy002]

Well everyone in my year I'm just different to them

[Wondergirl]

Well everyone in my year I'm just different to them

How are you different? (Isn't different a good thing? Why be like everyone else?)

[eMiLy002]

I'm into different things I look different cause I have piercings emo hair and stuff like that and it's what I like and I'm not going to change for people

[Wondergirl]

I'm into different things I look different cause I have piercings emo hair and stuff like that and it's what I like and im not gonna change for people

But inside you are a good human just like most of the rest of us -- kind and patient and usually agreeable and caring. None of us (except maybe identical twins) looks the same on the outside.

[eMiLy002]

:) like I said I'm not going to change for anyone its who is want to be and what I want to look like I'm not going to let people just change me I might not be like anyone else but it's who I want to be

[Wondergirl]

:) like I said I'm not gonna change for anyone its who is wanna be and what I want to look like I'm not gonna let people just change me I might not be like anyone else but it's who I want to be

I'm not arguing with you. In two years or less, you will change how you look.

[eMiLy002]

I don't know

[joypulv]

Are there any in your class who do the same hair and piercings and so on? Is there anyone who seems alone? There's rarely just one in the whole class. How big is the class?