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Nanait · Jan 8, 2013, 02:22 AM

Ok so I'm moving in with my boyfriend he is 29. I'm 22
He wants to have a baby, but to be honest I'm scared I can't handle it.
The odd thing is that I've taken care of my niece for 6 years till her mom came home. I have a crib in my room! For my sisters baby's that I take care of them when they work. ( 15hrs/6day) Where always buying baby clothes and pampers to help my sisters
( so we could afford one lol)
What do y'all think I should do!

Threads Merged

Curlyben · Jan 8, 2013, 02:24 AM

Why the rush ?
You haven't been together very long, about 6 months.
If he's THAT desperate than get married first.
Things change when you live with someone in this type of relationship.

Nanait · Jan 8, 2013, 02:30 AM

Well your probley right . I can't get married because I'm married to My ex abusive husband. To be honest I didn't even thinke about having kids with my ex I knew he was not the right one and with my boyfriend well I'm at less Considering it. Which is a big step for me

Murdertrain · Jan 8, 2013, 04:12 AM

I agree that you should get married first. Take care of whatever business you have with your ex, date for a while and then see if you want to get married.

Nanait · Jan 9, 2013, 11:45 PM

So my boyfriend talks about us moving in Together. That was like a month ago. But ever sin then he has not moved a finger to get me over there with him. I Live 1 hour away from him. He comes and go every weekend It's like he Prefers to pay 2 water bills 2 light bill 2 rent bills.
He talk about getting married But no ring. What do u think is he all talk.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 10, 2013, 04:18 AM

And perhaps you are no talk, if he said move in together, have you bought boxes to start packing, when he comes over do you give him loads of things to carry back ?

Nanait · Jan 10, 2013, 04:22 AM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

And perhaps you are no talk, if he said move in together, have you bought boxes to start packing, when he comes over do you give him loads of things to carry back ?

I talk! I keep asking him when and all he says is. Soon. Soon you'll be with me forever! But no act..
Actually he keeps bring Clothes and shoes to my house!

Fr_Chuck · Jan 10, 2013, 04:39 AM

So tell him that if he is not going to set a date you will assume he was lying, be blunt, be direct, sorry but he is not talking and you are accepting it.

Tell him that you two are going to set down ( and not fight) but discuss this till there is a final decission.

Nanait · Jan 10, 2013, 04:42 AM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

So tell him that if he is not going to set a date you will assume he was lying, be blunt, be direct, sorry but he is not talking and you are accepting it.

Tell him that you two are going to set down ( and not fight) but discuss this till there is a final decission.

Yeah your probley right. Thanks for taking time to answer!

Cat1864 · Jan 10, 2013, 07:26 AM

Nanait, I merged your threads because both are dealing with your relationship with your boyfriend of six months.

This may sound harsh. If it does it is because I am concerned about you and your welfare.

Frankly, you need to slow down. You are still married to you abusive husband (he isn't an ex until the divorce papers are signed) and have only been dating six months. Have you started divorce proceedings?

Moving in together, marriage plans, having a baby together and all of that can wait. You need to step back and take care of your legal issues before jumping head first into living with another man.

If you feel like you have to move in together, take your time and do it right.

Sit down with him and decide:

Where you should live-which location is best for cost of living, commuting to work, etc. Would a new place work better than your current residences?

Who is going to pay which bills or contribute how much to the general household expenses-you might be saving on some items, but how much will other expenses such as gas for going to work increase? How will you handle prior debts such as car loans or personal debts such as insurance, loans, credit cards, etc.

What will happen to duplicated items such as beds, couches, tables, etc. that you may not have room for in the 'house'? Sale or storage? If storage, add the cost to expenses and decide who pays. What about personal effects that the other person may not like?

Who will be responsible for chores around the house?

Talk about expectations for privacy, personal time, communicating schedules, etc. Make certain both understand that you will need time apart from each other to spend with friends or hobbies.

Discuss how you will handle disagreements.

Read through some of the Relationship/Marriage questions on AMHD (this site) and get a basic idea of the trouble spots couples run into. Work together to have a plan in place when they occur.

I know you probably think you are in love and this is 'the one'. However, love is not a reason to rush into anything. Set yourselves up to build a strong foundation so your relationship can succeed.

J_9 · Jan 10, 2013, 08:06 AM

I would like to add something that you may not even realize.

While I don't know your location, in many areas your husband, soon to be ex-husband, would be considered the legal father of this child should it be born not only while you are still legally married, but also if it is born within a 365 day period after your divorce is final.

While your boyfriend might be the biological father, your soon to be ex would be considered the legal father.

Get divorced then wait a year before becoming pregnant.

Nanait · Jan 10, 2013, 10:55 PM

Originally Posted by J_9

I would like to add something that you may not even realize.

While I don't know your location, in many areas your husband, soon to be ex-husband, would be considered the legal father of this child should it be born not only while you are still legally married, but also if it is born within a 365 day period after your divorce is final.

While your boyfriend might be the biological father, your soon to be ex would be considered the legal father.

Get divorced then wait a year before becoming pregnant.

Wow I did not know that! Thanks

J_9 · Jan 10, 2013, 11:33 PM

Yes, I found that out recently after delivering a baby to a woman and her boyfriend. She had only been divorced for 256 days and was required to place her ex husband on the birth certificate.

ArmstrongMiller · Jan 10, 2013, 11:53 PM

You can communicate with your boyfriend. Best wishes.

Nanait · Jan 11, 2013, 12:45 AM

Originally Posted by ArmstrongMiller

You can communicate with your boyfriend. Best wishes.

Yeah thanks I have a question can I do something if I have proof that my ex husben is engage to some one. Will that help me to get divorce fast. I really don't want to start the process because I know he will make my life living hell

J_9 · Jan 11, 2013, 12:53 AM

Just know that he can't get married to the woman he is engaged to while he is still married to you.

Nanait · Jan 11, 2013, 12:54 AM

Originally Posted by J_9

Just know that he can't get married to the woman he is engaged to while he is still married to you.

Even if its in Mexico!

J_9 · Jan 11, 2013, 01:00 AM

Yes, if it is a legal marriage there will have to be a legal divorce.

If you don't have any children or assets it should be relatively easy for you to do.

Nanait · Jan 11, 2013, 02:40 AM

Originally Posted by J_9

Yes, if it is a legal marriage there will have to be a legal divorce.

If you don't have any children or assets it should be relatively easy for you to do.

Thanks you've been great help. Thanks for taking the time to answer !

Nanait · Jan 16, 2013, 03:32 AM

Last night my boyfriend and I were talking on the phone and he tells me his mom wants to meet me. And his sister as been asking to meet me through Facebook too. We have been together for amost 7 Months
And at first I had told him I didn't want to meet the in laws. But after all this months together and seeing his famliy have been asking to meet up I agreed.
But like always he is all talk. I asked him to take me and he said no!
He never wants to take me to his town
I even ask to go shopping over there not even meeting his famliy. And he say no.
I live 1 hour away.
Some times I feel like for some reason he never wants for us to go over there.
What do you thinke is going on. Or what should I do about it.