[Silver Lining]

Help Me... my daughter is 3, but doesn't eat,, I tried everything possible,, tried stories, fav food, scaring, prize, etc,, she just doesn't eat,, previously, she was a fussy eater before too, but she at least ate a few things like pasta, chocolate, biscuits etc,, but now she refuses them too,, I ignored my tension and left her without anything to eat,, she had nothing for almost a day,, I was pissed and force fed her after,,
She pretends to vomit when I feed her, or she says she has to pee,, she says its too spicy (when I give her a banana)... I know many of you are facing the same problem,, let me know if you have any solution,,

Right now, m scaring her by doc's name,, but it works once a day,, she just cries if I try again,,

[tickle]

I thought 'shez' was your daughter's name at first; but realized you meant 'she is'. Sounds like the last stage of terrible twos, and a little spoiled. If you threaten the doctor, you should follow up with the doctor visit just to make sure there isn't anything wrong.

She 'pretends to vomit' says a lot actually.

[joypulv]

'i ignored my tension and left her without anything to eat,, she had nothing for almost a day,, I was pissed and force fed her after,'

It sounds to me like your tension is very evident to your child, and it's just making an ordinary situation worse. Put out plates of nibble food, anything you can think of, Cheerios, cheese, apple slices, tuna sandwich, mac and cheese or spaghetti, juice. Tiny portions. Put it out and walk away. Take it away in an hour, without a word, and put it in the fridge, and put it out again later.

She is using this to test what power is, what it means, how much she gets to have at 3 years old. Don't 'engage' in a power struggle. Ignore her for as many days as it takes for her to start asking for food. Use your power as a parent for other things, like teaching her not to touch a hot stove or try to pet an unknown dog.

[J_9]

I would cry if you were my mother too!

First off, you are setting your daughter up for a world of eating disorders. Many children are picky eaters. There's nothing wrong with that. But force feeding? Scaring her? Threatening her with the doctor? This could almost be construed as abuse.

At the age of 3 your daughter is trying to learn how to assert herself and her new found independence. She's learned to manipulate you through food. She appears to be strong willed, but she won't starve herself. I promise you.

The more you push the issue the more problems you will have now, and in the future. Going down this path may cause bulemia or anorexia in the future. Food should never be a battle.

I totally agree with Joy in that you should place finger foods around the house and let her graze for now. No stress, never say anything about it, don't even praise her when you notice that she eats as that will add to her stress. Put out foods that you know she likes. With my daughter it was yogurt and with my youngest son it was macaroni and cheese.

My youngest is still a picky eater, but I have learned to work around it with no drama.

What you don't understand is that for some reason or another she is trying to get attention from you. Children this age don't care if the attention is good or bad. Whether they are praised or in trouble as long as Mom pays them attention. If you remove the drama, she will start eating again.

[teacherjenn4]

I would cry if you were my mother too!

First off, you are setting your daughter up for a world of eating disorders. Many children are picky eaters. There's nothing wrong with that. But force feeding?! Scaring her?! Threatening her with the doctor?! This could almost be construed as abuse.

At the age of 3 your daughter is trying to learn how to assert herself and her new found independence. She's learned to manipulate you through food. She appears to be strong willed, but she won't starve herself. I promise you.

The more you push the issue the more problems you will have now, and in the future. Going down this path may cause bulemia or anorexia in the future. Food should never be a battle.

I totally agree with Joy in that you should place finger foods around the house and let her graze for now. No stress, never say anything about it, don't even praise her when you notice that she eats as that will add to her stress. Put out foods that you know she likes. With my daughter it was yogurt and with my youngest son it was macaroni and cheese.

My youngest is still a picky eater, but I have learned to work around it with no drama.

What you don't understand is that for some reason or another she is trying to get attention from you. Children this age don't care if the attention is good or bad. Whether they are praised or in trouble as long as Mom pays them attention. If you remove the drama, she will start eating again.

I agree with removing the drama. Being a Kindergarten teacher, I get to see first-hand which children are picky eaters. Each week, we review a letter of the alphabet. I bring in healthy foods starting with that letter. An example, for "A" week, I had the students bring in any kind of apple. We talked about them, measured them, gave them funny names, etc. After a few days, I cut them into very tiny pieces to see which one tasted best to them. I never forced them to eat, and boy did I hear excuses. Eventually, I was asked for seconds, thirds, etc. Another day, I made applesauce in the crockpot. The smell made the doubters try it.

Try to let your daughter pick a fruit at the store she's never tried... same for vegetables. Let her prepare it with you. If you change both of your attitudes, and make food experimentation fun, it may help. I did this with my own children. They are excellent eaters.

[J_9]

I agree with removing the drama. Being a Kindergarten teacher, I get to see first-hand which children are picky eaters. Each week, we review a letter of the alphabet. I bring in healthy foods starting with that letter. An example, for "A" week, I had the students bring in any kind of apple. We talked about them, measured them, gave them funny names, etc. After a few days, I cut them into very tiny pieces to see which one tasted best to them. I never forced them to eat, and boy did I hear excuses. Eventually, I was asked for seconds, thirds, etc. Another day, I made applesauce in the crockpot. The smell made the doubters try it.

Try to let your daughter pick a fruit at the store she's never tried... same for vegetables. Let her prepare it with you. If you change both of your attitudes, and make food experimentation fun, it may help. I did this with my own children. They are excellent eaters.

Will you please be my son's 6th grade teacher next year? I'll FedEx him to you!

[J_9]

My son hated butter... until we mad it. He hated peanut butter... until we made it.

Part of the issue is including your child in diet choices. I made a weekly menu and let my children help with the choices. Let them choose 1 item per dinner that they liked. This not only let them feel like they were partially in control, but also promoted family time, discussion, conversation, and control.

For example: "Suzie, we are going to have roast beef for dinner, what vegetable would you like to have with it?" I still use this to this day for all 4 of my children. I started this when they were about 1-2 years old.

[Wondergirl]

Try to let your daughter pick a fruit at the store she's never tried...same for vegetables. Let her prepare it with you. If you change both of your attitudes, and make food experimentation fun, it may help. I did this with my own children. They are excellent eaters.

I agree. My sons always helped me (even at age 3) put together grocery shopping lists and were active participants at the grocery store. During the late winter, we planned a garden and then in the spring, together with their father, planted a small garden (10x10) of zucchini, peppers, broccoli, carrots, tomatoes, and sunflowers (for both us and the birds!). If you have no yard for a garden, you can grow a few herbs in a window or under a few gro-lights or have a pot for a tomato plant on a deck or patio. Our sons hated vegetables until they became active in production and harvesting.

There are so many easy-to-eat yet nutritious foods to have available for her, as teacherjenn indicated. And if you get your daughter engaged with you in the making and arranging of them (e.g. various kinds of cheese or dips and spreads with nutritious crackers), I'm guessing she will be tempted to try them.

[teacherjenn4]

Will you please be my son's 6th grade teacher next year? I'll FedEx him to you!

I'd have to find that part of my brain, but it would be fun to teach 6th again. World History, yeah!

[teacherjenn4]

I agree. My sons always helped me (even at age 3) put together grocery shopping lists and were active participants at the grocery store. During the late winter, we planned a garden and then in the spring, together with their father, planted a small garden (10x10) of zucchini, peppers, broccoli, carrots, tomatoes, and sunflowers (for both us and the birds!). If you have no yard for a garden, you can grow a few herbs in a window or under a few gro-lights or have a pot for a tomato plant on a deck or patio. Our sons hated vegetables until they became active in production and harvesting.

There are so many easy-to-eat yet nutritious foods to have available for her, as teacherjenn indicated. And if you get your daughter engaged with you in the making and arranging of them (e.g., various kinds of cheese or dips and spreads with nutritious crackers), I'm guessing she will be tempted to try them.

Exactly! I'm sure you used cookie cutters for sandwiches, or let the kids tell you what shape pancakes they wanted. Three was a great age... now those twos... :(

[Wondergirl]

Exactly! I'm sure you used cookie cutters for sandwiches, or let the kids tell you what shape pancakes they wanted. Three was a great age....now those twos....:(

The boys and I were always in conversation about things, especially while grocery shopping and during food preparation, with touch and smell and feel and how it looked. "Touch this. How does it feel to you?" and "Should we buy this one or that one? Why?" and "How does this smell to you?" Our reading labels together while shopping helped with reading skills. Comparing prices helped develop math skills. Once the second son was in school all day, I had to shop alone :( and would end up talking to myself.

[teacherjenn4]

The boys and I were always in conversation about things, especially while grocery shopping and during food preparation, with touch and smell and feel and how it looked. "Touch this. How does it feel to you?" and "Should we buy this one or that one? Why?" and "How does this smell to you?" Our reading labels together while shopping helped with reading skills. Comparing prices helped develop math skills. Once the second son was in school all day, I had to shop alone :( and would end up talking to myself.

That's me now, unless I can drag someone with me!

[Silver Lining]

I thought 'shez' was your daughter's name at first; but realized you meant 'she is'. Sounds like the last stage of terrible twos, and a little spoiled. If you threaten the doctor, you should follow up with the doctor visit just to make sure there isnt anything wrong.

She 'pretends to vomit' says a lot actually.

Little spoiled is an under statement... off late she has started eating Potato chips,, if I refuse to give it to her before food, she throws a tantrum,, it continues for a long looooong time,,

Also, I didn't threaten the doctor,, I say the doc is here to give her an injection,, this helps in giving her food once in a day,,

[Silver Lining]

'i ignored my tension and left her without anything to eat,,, she had nothing for almost a day,,, i was pissed and force fed her after,'

It sounds to me like your tension is very evident to your child, and it's just making an ordinary situation worse. Put out plates of nibble food, anything you can think of, Cheerios, cheese, apple slices, tuna sandwich, mac and cheese or spaghetti, juice. Tiny portions. Put it out and walk away. Take it away in an hour, without a word, and put it in the fridge, and put it out again later.

She is using this to test what power is, what it means, how much she gets to have at 3 years old. Don't 'engage' in a power struggle. Ignore her for as many days as it takes for her to start asking for food. Use your power as a parent for other things, like teaching her not to touch a hot stove or try to pet an unknown dog.

I gave her pasta, cheese, few fruits and asked her to eat it as she likes it,, I was having lunch with my hubby,, after half an hour, her plate is empty,, I was elated,, that night I found everything in the dustbin,, according to her, the "leftovers" go in the dustbin,,

Anyway, I'l give it another try,, but this time I'l make sure the dustbin is out of reach...

[joypulv]

Try all the other wonderful suggestions for getting her involved - at the store, in the kitchen, food on TV, making shapes together, and asking her what she likes (all without making a big deal about it). It's going to take time! And as stated, she isn't going to starve.

[Silver Lining]

At the age of 3 your daughter is trying to learn how to assert herself and her new found independence. She's learned to manipulate you through food. She appears to be strong willed, but she won't starve herself. I promise you.

The more you push the issue the more problems you will have now, and in the future. Going down this path may cause bulemia or anorexia in the future. Food should never be a battle.


What you don't understand is that for some reason or another she is trying to get attention from you. Children this age don't care if the attention is good or bad. Whether they are praised or in trouble as long as Mom pays them attention. If you remove the drama, she will start eating again.

I know m insane,, I know m not suppose to force her to eat,, but it kills me to watch her starve,, her teachers tell me she doesn't eat in school,, even when they tempt her with pastries and chocolates. Other kids finish their meal in half an hour while my daughter refuses to eat,,
I tried every kind of veg food and every tactic,, I tell her stories, sing her songs, show her the birds,, but the food just stays in her mouth,, she refuses to swallow,, then she pretends to vomit. Drinks water and refuses to eat again,, that's when I lose my temper,, I have been to the doctor,, he asked me to ignore her tantrums,,

Well, tell me how to ignore then,

[joypulv]

She won't have tantrums if you don't try to make her eat!
PLEASE read all the responses here again, and write down the suggestions.
You don't seem to be getting it.
It is very important that you NOT make a big deal about food.
I am starting to wonder if there is something about you that is causing this behavior in her. I think perhaps you need to speak to a counselor about yourself. A typical 3 year old's fussiness is in danger of going beyond the stage that she would ordinarily grow out of if YOU don't change your approach.

[J_9]

You tell her that the doctor will come and give her an injection if she doesn't eat?

[Silver Lining]

You tell her that the doctor will come and give her an injection if she doesn't eat?

That's what m doing and that's the only thing that is working now...

As for finger food and involving her in the kitchen, making shapes etc,,
She loves making shapes out of rice, but not eating them,,
Since I am an indian, our daily food involves rice, roti, rasam etc,, what shapes can I make her do? I give her raw vegetables to eat while I chop them,, sometimes she eats, sometimes she plays and throws them away,, I involve her a lot in the kitchen, she stands right next to me and observes everything I do,, I make sure she gets to do something, like adding the salt, washing the veggies, etc,, but when it comes to eating, she just refuses..

y'day I had to take her granny to the hospital where they took her blood,, my daughter ran to her granny (insisted she wanted to kiss granny) and saw the blood being drawn,, the nurse said its an injection and showed her the needle,, since then, telling her that the nurse is next door scares her and she has been eating a little,,

[J_9]

If you are using the threat of a doctor and/or a nurse giving her an injection just so she will eat, you are emotionally abusing her ans she should be removed from your care.

That is terrible! Now you are not only creating a child with a possible eating disorder, you are also causing an unnecessary fear of doctors and nurses. You should really be ashamed of yourself.