[jodar7]

A few nights ago I got a random Facebook message from a guy I met in college. I think he might like me because he'd stare a lot in class and go out of his way to talk to me. Anyway, during the fb conversation he asked me how I was, if all my time was dedicated to working these days, and suggested that whenever I'm in town I should "hit him up." I recently moved to a different city and no longer attend his university. We exchanged numbers.

For three days straight we texted back and forth. He always texted me first, pretty early in the morning. He texted me two nights ago and I texted him back right after, but he hasn't responded since. Totally weird because he usually texted me back right away. I worry maybe he's lost interest/isn't into me anymore. I talked a lot about myself in the text convos, mostly because he asked a lot of questions about me. I returned questions, but wonder if maybe I didn't show enough interest and so he's backed off. Maybe I'm just boring, or not how he thought I'd be.

I decided to text him "goodmorning" today. He hasn't replied. Why bother me in the first place if you're only going to ignore me later? LOL -_- I don't get guys at all.

[Homegirl 50]

Maybe he is busy or maybe he is no longer interested, I don't know. I would not contact him again though. Let him make the step if he wants

[jodar7]

A month ago I got a random Facebook message from a guy I met in college. We exchanged numbers over fb and have been texting on and off ever since. (He even texted me once asking if I wanted to go to dinner with him, but I was too busy unfortunately since I own a small business.) When I see him randomly we’ll hug, and he’ll compliment my clothes and jewelry.

HOWEVER, for the past two weeks he’s been texting me first and when I’d respond he wouldn’t answer me. Then he’d text me many days later apologizing and claiming he was “feeling antisocial/tired/working, etc. But once when I checked his twitter, I saw that he had made plans to chat with a girl online after work. He texted me early the next morning apologizing about how he was SO tired after work, and went to bed right away, which wasn’t true.

He ignored my last text to him for 7 days (when he texted *me* first) BUT THEN, he texted me on Christmas morning at 8:00am apologizing for his late replies, claiming it was because of work/feeling anti-social. He wished me a merry Christmas, and I texted him back hours later and wished him a good one as well. On the 27th he texted me saying that we "had to discuss DJango. We HAVE to." Since both happened to see it on Christmas - separately. I chose to ignore his text for the 1st time ever. The next day he made a "Birthday Event" on Facebook, and invited 30 people including me. :S I still haven't responded to it yet but I'm really considering not going. Partly because of what's been going on between us for the past month, but also because I don't have any means of getting there. (We live in different cities and by bus it would take me +2 hours.) What do you think I should do? And would you go to his party?

[odinn7]

I wouldn't even bother and I wouldn't give it a second thought.

It sounds like he isn't fully interested in you... and so what? If he's 2 hours away, why bother? I'm sure you can do better.

[joypulv]

I'd go if it were in town, but not that far away, even if you could find a faster way to get there. You need to be able to not only make a quick escape, but you might want to leave after 2 minutes there.
Send friendly regrets.
He has every right to play the field, especially since you turned him down for dinner, and didn't try to make another dinner date after that. His lies are the little lies of all dating, no bid deal, and not indicative of anything untrustworthy.

[jodar7]

I'd go if it were in town, but not that far away, even if you could find a faster way to get there. You need to be able to not only make a quick escape, but you might want to leave after 2 minutes there.
Send friendly regrets.
He has every right to play the field, especially since you turned him down for dinner, and didn't try to make another dinner date after that. His lies are the little lies of all dating, no bid deal, and not indicative of anything untrustworthy.

I don't care how common lying is while dating, it doesn't make it right. And when you catch someone in a lie, it's very hard not to wonder what else they're lying about or if they'll ever stop lying. I'm sorry but I still don't trust him, the lying wasn't necessary. It seems like he was "playing the field" the entire time we were talking and was never really into me to begin with. He knows the kind of person I am "shy, a bit naive" and I feel like I was preyed on. Tricked for some sick reason of his. I feel like to him, I'm only a back up plan, or maybe just a confidence booster or a potential "booty call." Despite which one I was to him, it was an extremely ty thing to do to someone. I don't want to interact with him ever gain, whether by text or Facebook. Just not sure what I'll say if he ever confronts me about avoiding him...

To avoid conflict I may have to just wish him a happy birthday and then never talk to him again.

[talaniman]

You are but one of many of his options so simply remove yourself by not responding to him at all. Not even worth a second thought.

[jodar7]

In November I got a Facebook message from a guy I met in college. We exchanged numbers and texted on and off for nearly a month. (He even texted me once asking if I wanted to go to dinner with him, but I was too busy unfortunately since I own a small business and live far away.) When I did see him randomly we’d hug, and he’d compliment my appearance.

HOWEVER, 2 weeks into the texting he’d texted me first and when I’d respond he wouldn’t answer me. Then he’d text me many days later apologizing and claiming he was “feeling antisocial/tired/working, etc. But once when I checked his twitter, I saw that he had made plans to chat with a girl online after work. He texted me early the next morning apologizing about how he was SO tired after work, and went to bed right away, which wasn’t true.

He ignored my last text to him for 7 days BUT THEN texted me on Christmas morning at 8:00am apologizing for his late replies, claiming it was because of work/feeling anti-social. He wished me a merry Christmas, and I texted him back and wished him a good one as well. On the 27th he texted me saying that we "had to discuss DJango. We HAVE to." Since we both happened to see it on Christmas - separately. I chose to ignore his text for the 1st time ever. The next day he made a "Birthday Event" on Facebook, and invited me. I never responded to it yet and don't plan to go because of everything that's happened. YESTERDAY on my Facebook I posted a picture of the late Christmas gift I received from a friend (female) in Alaska. I wrote in the caption"from Alaska with love." Checked his Twitter account and saw that he uploaded a screenshot of himself and the girl he's apparently been skyping online lately. In the caption he wrote "After a wonderful skype session. #lovealwaysloser." (It was posted an hour after my Facebook photo) Is this a coincidence or did he post the photo of himself and his online girlfriend after assuming I'm dating a guy online?

If he liked me and misinterpreted the gift in the photo as being from a long distance boyfriend, and was jealous of it why didn't he show more interest in me before?

[Homegirl 50]

I think it's just coincidence.

[Fr_Chuck]

Making too much out of it, I will agree, just coincidence

[jodar7]

Just had a depression relapse last night. I was (sort of still am) dealing with the pain of having a guy show interest in me for weeks, only to start ignoring me and then texting me back with excuses and lies. Turns out he was talking to a different girl online at the same time he was trying to date me. In hindsight I think I was the “back up plan” so I guess when he finally got the girl he actually wanted, he "dumped" me so to speak. Still, he continued to string me along just in case, and even invited me to his birthday this weekend. (I'm not going but don't know if I should still wish him a happy birthday and thank him for the invite) Whether he realizes it or not he's treated me quite badly, and it triggered my depression. I blamed myself for the incident, figuring he did it because I'm not worthy of someone’s love, that I'm not lovable or beautiful. I came up with all these reasons to hate on myself, and only now am I realizing that it might not be true. That maybe he was just a d*uchebag and I didn’t do anything “wrong.” So yeah, a few days ago I blocked him on Facebook, erased his phone number, etc. I'm trying to get over him but I still think about him admittedly because of my self-esteem and anxiety issues. Sometimes I feel like no guy will ever genuinely like/love me.

Plus, there's nowhere for me to meet guys right now in my life since I work most of the time, I'm not in school, and I don''t even feel comfortable around guys anyway. I'm 23 by the way

[Oliver2011]

"Just had a depression relapse last night." So what? That was last night. What fun things have you planned for today?

I am asking because you are in control of you. The first thing you need to realize is you can't control anyone's feelings or emotions other than your own. So since you control your own, do it.

"Plus, there's nowhere for me to meet guys right now in my life since I work most of the time, I'm not in school, and I don''t even feel comfortable around guys anyway." - The first way is not to think negative statement after negative statement after negative statement. Is it tough in the beginning? Sure is. But after you train your brain to be in control, each day it becomes easier.

You're not comfortable around guys? So what? Call a girlfriend and go do something fun. Go volunteer at a pet shelter and watch all those waving tails of happiness to see you. Go for a long walk and appreciate the sun, flowers, snow, people, whatever. Trust me it works.

Good luck!

[Wondergirl]

Take a break from guys for a while. It's time to work on yourself, to find out what a cool person you are and deserving of real love.

How about volunteering a couple of hours at week at an animal shelter or a hospital or a library?

[jodar7]

"Just had a depression relapse last night." So what? That was last night. What fun things have you planned for today?

I am asking because you are in control of you. The first thing you need to realize is you can't control anyone's feelings or emotions other than your own. So since you control your own, do it.

"Plus, there's nowhere for me to meet guys right now in my life since I work most of the time, I'm not in school, and I don''t even feel comfortable around guys anyway." - The first way is not to think negative statement after negative statement after negative statement. Is it tough in the beginning? Sure is. But after you train your brain to be in control, each day it becomes easier.

You're not comfortable around guys? So what? Call a girlfriend and go do something fun. Go volunteer at a pet shelter and watch all those waving tails of happiness to see you. Go for a long walk and appreciate the sun, flowers, snow, people, whatever. Trust me it works.

Good luck!!

Thanks for the tips, but I want a real relationship with a guy. I've never dated at 23 years old, and I get lonely and it really brings me down thinking about my inexperience. So it'd be nice to find ways of meeting guys...

[Oliver2011]

Thanks for the tips, but I want a real relationship with a guy. I've never dated at 23 years old, and I get lonely and it really brings me down thinking about my inexperience. So it'd be nice to find ways of meeting guys...

Is it going to make you feel any better putting pressure on yourself to find a real guy for a real relationships NOW? No. Let it happen naturally and it will happen. You should do some additional activities where meeting a guy is more of a possibility. Like take a class in something - even if it is a cooking class. Maybe you don't meet a guy and maybe you meet a really good friend. Sometimes a really good friend is a very nice thing to have as well.

Seriously - wake up tomorrow and tell yourself you are going to have a good day. You are going to move yourself forward and then do it. It does work. I promise.

[Wondergirl]

Thanks for the tips, but I want a real relationship with a guy. I've never dated at 23 years old, and I get lonely and it really brings me down thinking about my inexperience. So it'd be nice to find ways of meeting guys...

Join a church and their singles group (one church near me is specially noted for its active singles group) or a singles group in your town, join a local Toastmasters' Club, take a class or two at your local community college, join a book discussion group at your public library -- in other words, get yourself out there. Everyone you meet has single male friends and relatives, so you don't have to be sitting smack-dab in the middle of a roomful (or bar full) of eligible males to find a date. I've even met some amazing young single guys out shopping or working at the grocery store at midnight.

The main thing is to do all the above for YOU, not to find a date.

[Wondergirl]

This was in this morning's Chicago Sun-Times, about women's expectations in looking for a boyfriend --

Bela Gandhi urges women to reconsider their requirements

[jodar7]

Take a break from guys for a while. It's time to work on yourself, to find out what a cool person you are and deserving of real love.

How about volunteering a couple of hours at week at an animal shelter or a hospital or a library?

Feels like I've been "taking a break from guys" my whole life though. It's one thing to be a "late bloomer" but I'm 23 and haven't even had my first kiss. -_- It's not like I only want to date for the experience (which I think is a fine reason anyway) but I want to be in a loving relationship, to learn what and how to love someone, and what it's like to be loved. I'm a lonely single and I'm so sick of it.

I've thought about volunteering in the past, I'll look into I guess. I've been more focused on trying to find an affordable therapist lately...

Join a church and their singles group (one church near me is specially noted for its active singles group) or a singles group in your town, join a local Toastmasters' Club, take a class or two at your local community college, join a book discussion group at your public library -- in other words, get yourself out there. Everyone you meet has single male friends and relatives, so you don't have to be sitting smack-dab in the middle of a roomful (or bar full) of eligible males to find a date. I've even met some amazing young single guys out shopping or working at the grocery store at midnight.

The main thing is to do all the above for YOU, not to find a date.

Unfortunately I'm not religious so I don't attend church... I've checked out "singles groups" in my city in the past and they all cater to the +30 crowd, there's nothing for 18-20 something's. :( I don't go back to college until at least September since I'm working right now. What does the Toastmaster's Club accomplish? I've heard they help people give speeches, but is it a way to meet guys/friends?

At the grocery store? Wow, how does that happen? Do guys just walk up to you? And how do you meet guys at the mall? Do you tend to approach them or do they approach you? Guys don't really approach me when shopping.

> The main thing is to do all the above for YOU, not to find a date

I know but if I don't actively take charge and figure out how to meet guys I'll always be alone. People always say "oh, the right guy will find you be patient, blah blah blah" But that's all a fairytale. Guys don't just materialize out of nowhere for me. I've "waited" my whole life. Unless I do something different, I'll always be alone.

Is it going to make you feel any better putting pressure on yourself to find a real guy for a real relationships NOW? No. Let it happen naturally and it will happen. You should do some additional activities where meeting a guy is more of a possibility. Like take a class in something - even if it is a cooking class. Maybe you don't meet a guy and maybe you meet a really good friend. Sometimes a really good friend is a very nice thing to have as well.

Seriously - wake up tomorrow and tell yourself you are going to have a good day. You are going to move yourself forward and then do it. It does work. I promise.

But nothing "happens' naturally for me. I've waited my whole life for a guy to materialize and be "the one" but that's never happened and probably never will. I want to take real action to go out and attract the guy I want into my life. I agree friends are great to have, I could use more close friends actually. But I want a relationship too.

I want to join something, not sure what sort of classes guys would be into besides sports related classes though. >.< Cooking sounds fun, but I could see it being full of older women. Any other ideas for classes? Right now though, I'm honestly just trying to focus on finding a therapist that is affordable and can help me out, I've sort of put recreational things on the back burner. Not on purpose, I've just been busy and distracted.

> Seriously - wake up tomorrow and tell yourself you are going to have a good day. You are going to move yourself forward and then do it. It does work. I promise

I'll try it. Thanks.

[Wondergirl]

Unless I do something different, I'll always be alone.

There it is in a nutshell.

[Oliver2011]

But nothing "happens' naturally for me. I've waited my whole life for a guy to materialize and be "the one" but that's never happened and probably never will. I want to take real action to go out and attract the guy I want into my life. I agree friends are great to have, I could use more close friends actually. But I want a relationship too.

I want to join something, not sure what sort of classes guys would be into besides sports related classes though. >.< Cooking sounds fun, but I could see it being full of older women. Any other ideas for classes? Right now though, I'm honestly just trying to focus on finding a therapist that is affordable and can help me out, I've sort of put recreational things on the back burner. Not on purpose, I've just been busy and distracted.

> Seriously - wake up tomorrow and tell yourself you are going to have a good day. You are going to move yourself forward and then do it. It does work. I promise

I'll try it. Thanks.

"But nothing "happens' naturally for me." UUGGHHHHHHH!!

As you might be able to tell, I abhor negative statements. If you started today with negative thoughts and statements, it surely will be a negative day. If the cooking class is full of older women, then feel happy you are the youngest in there. I went to a cooking class recently and it was full of young people. Only the teacher, who was celebrating her 71st birthday, was elderly.

The point is you have trained your brain to look for the negative in everything. If you want to be happy then do the opposite. Teach yourself to have positive thoughts. Look for the positive in everything and you will find it. You know it is possible that if you become a more positive person, you will become much more attractive from every aspect. It does work.