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Lch1589 · Mar 15, 2007, 08:28 PM

Me and my boyfriend broke up because it was too stressful, and we took some time off to be a little independent. He was totally whipped before and would do ANYTHING for me and I took that for granted. Now we got back together and it's a lot less stressful and its very sexy.. but he doesn't like to be all affectionate like we used to be. He says that he wants a more "chill" relationship not like all lovey dovey. I want to be more chill, but I miss the cute things he used to say and do :( I don't want to freak him out.. but will he get closer and open up a little more as the relationship progresses? He used to be totally in love with me, and he says that he really likes me and wants to stay with me through the summer and stuff... but is he willing to love me again? I miss all the affection. I don't need to be spoiled I just miss his cute little pet names or little poems and surprises

robertsqueen · Mar 15, 2007, 08:38 PM

It sounds like your boyfriend might have been hurt more than you realize by the breakup. That might be the reason that he is pulling away, so as not to get hurt again. I would just sit him down and ask him what is going on. You have to have open communtication in a relationship for it to work.

sypher373 · Mar 15, 2007, 09:50 PM

Lch,

As I am going through a breakup now, Id have to agree with robertsqueen. I think if she was to tell me that she wanted to get back together, I would take things VERY VERY slowly, if at all. I would be afraid of being hurt again, and would love to have what we had before, though it would take time. Trust was broken, and I don't think it can be repair overnight. It will take time... Though in my case she broke up with me, I don't know if the case was the same in your situation.

If I may, can I ask who's idea it was to break it off, and how long you two were apart for? Maybe you have some information that can help me in my situation..

Talk to him, but be understanding that he is scared, and I'm sure does not want to go through the same pain again.

Jiser · Mar 16, 2007, 02:15 AM

Yes, It appears he has been hurt and does no want to be hurt like before. I do not blame him at all for wanting to take it slow. Of course you will miss the little things. But if it bothers you that much don't forget communication?

I know if me and my ex if we ever got back together for the 3rd time. I would take it so slow and casually!! No lovy dovy stuff, no calls and texts all the time, no clinging, I would have so much more life with my mates than her, I would be unavailable and if she didn't like it tuff.

Don't forget you don't need anyone to be happy. Be happy yourself, get out more if he doesn't want to spend as much time as he did with u.

Lch1589 · Mar 16, 2007, 04:48 AM

Yeah that might be the case.. I'm not sure though. He broke up with me and it was a few months ago, I don't mind taking it slow but what if we are "chill" forever? :( I eventually want him to get attached, like closer to the summer when school is out

Jiser · Mar 16, 2007, 05:01 AM

Why not trying doing some different things together? Perhaps a short trip away, some adrealin filled things, like a theme park. Get those life time memories going!

Give him some time as well, how long was your break? How long were you together and how long have you been together again now exactly.

Take it slow, but it can't be like this for ever, give him a few months at most and its called communication, use it

Krs · Mar 16, 2007, 05:25 AM

Originally Posted by Lch1589

me and my boyfriend broke up because it was too stressful, and we took some time off to be a little independent. he was totally whipped before and would do ANYTHING for me and i took that for granted. now we got back together and its a lot less stressful and its very sexy.. but he doesn't like to be all affectionate like we used to be. he says that he wants a more "chill" relationship not like all lovey dovey. i want to be more chill, but i miss the cute things he used to say and do :( i dont want to freak him out.. but will he get closer and open up a little more as the relationship progresses? he used to be totally in love with me, and he says that he really likes me and wants to stay with me through the summer and stuff... but is he willing to love me again? i miss all the affection. i dont need to be spoiled i just miss his cute litttle pet names or little poems and surprises

A relationship shouldn't be about - you wanting this and him wanting that! To have a great relationship between you, you need abit of everything!

s_cianci · Mar 16, 2007, 06:06 AM

I think you may have sabotaged yourself with your own attitude. You describe him as "whipped" and state that he would do "anything for you" and come off as though you have some contempt for that. Then you broke up, no doubt still feeling some contempt, then you get back together but now you're complaining that it's not "like you used to be." As you know, you have to take the bad with the good and if you're going to complain about someone's characteristics, you have no right complaining if and when they change what you didn't like in the first place.

EnglishRose · Mar 16, 2007, 10:32 AM

I hate to be the one to say this but in my experience I would say that the relationship has fizzled out. He obviously eneded it because it wasn't giving him what he wanted or needed. That doesn't mean he has stopped caring for you so he is probably confused. Your relationship took its natural course and it didn't work. I think he is holding you back because he is trying to move on. Men have this habbit of going with what is easiest and if your there to give him what he wants without the complications of a real relationship he will take it because, lets face it, who wouldn't? The issue here is that you are not being fair to yourself. You aren't getting what you need from the relationship and for your sake you need to ask him if he wants the real thing or to break up and then you have to go with it and deal with the consequences. Good luck

talaniman · Mar 16, 2007, 12:55 PM

The others here may not remember you, but I do and recall what I told you about your other problems, Hers a catch up,

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search...archid=1153094

Re read your answers to other posts and I think you will find that you haven't followed anyone's advice. Work on yourself and your own issues and get healthy.