[endlessecho]

No one SHOULD keep a baby because of the wrong reasons, but people do, everyday.

It's a sad world we live in.

[endlessecho]

Also... I don't know the guy who posted the question, and I don't know he's situation, but excuse me if my voiceing my opinion and advise to him refers to my situation, but the only life I live is my own, and the only person I can speak for is myself so when some one has a problem, I try and related it to what I know and have lived to search my knowledge and feelings.

[Squiffy]

Im sorry, why should SHE have to give up her child because her sexual partner can't face up to his responsibilities? He should have thought about that before having sex without using a condom. Its quite simple to prevent pregnancy if you can just be bothered. If not, you have to deal with it.

[endlessecho]

I by no means think that she should have to give up her child, she most certainly doesn't have to if she doesn't want to, but she should use the child as a pon to get her way as he's said she is. And maybe she's not. But she hasn't said anything to us, he has, so if he's telling thr truth and I see no reason as to why he wouldn't be, He's not in the wrong for making a suggestion, she doesn't have to listen, no one's holding a gun to her head. Give the guy a break! He's telling you he's problem and you take the other parties side when she hasn't even offered it. That shows that some of you on here are truly close minded, and aren't actually paying any attention to what's going on. You don't think before you reach up your butt and throw something on the screen.

[vlee]

Jessica, I agree with you. Raynefreak, you're on my ignore list, so I have no idea what you've written and don't care. To Rex, it's a tough break, but you can't simply escape the financial obligations of being a dad. Down the road you may feel differently about wanting to be a part of your child's life in more than just a financial capacity. I hope you make the right decision for you and your child, regardless of the mother. Best of luck.

[Megg]

Ok that's pretty sad... just because people are disagreeing they put you on ignore list, how childish is that LOL. WOW... im in total shock here. Everyone is disagreeing with me like I'm the bad person, like w/e. I think this is stupid, I feel attacked. Vlee you really need to learn to take critisim, if you can dish it then fickin' take it. As for everyone else, if you don't agree with Enless, fine. I think she's doing the best she can, I read between the lines, so to disagree, ha go ahead. But I know I'm right. It's stupid to argue about it further so w/e.

[Megg]

Yea I'm not a mindless drone as lots of people would have me to be, lol

[kanicky73]

I think what Raynefreak meant was that she would keep it because she knows that he would have to pay child support, that would at least be the reason she was tellling him. I can't even begin to think that she really and truly would keep a child just to get back at someone and if that is her one and only reason, then she doesn't deserve to be having a child in the first place. I think what we have here is a case of severe immaturity and their first reactions to the news. Lets be honest in most situations like this, unfortunately that is some peoples first reaction. It doesn't make it right by any means, but a baby controls peoples lives when they don't want or aren't ready for them to be controlled.

[Megg]

What I was trying to say before everyone got jumpy was that if it was me pregnant and my fiancé broke it off for some unknown reason, I wouldn't try to get him back by making stupid choices. If I chose to abort the child it'd be in the early stage's of pregnancy. If I chose to give it up for adoption, it'd be because we both made the decision that we couldn't care for the child. BUT if I chose to keep it, I'd only do that if we both were truly willing. I think Enless, is just trying to stand by her boyfriend because it's his choice. Personally, OK he got a chick pregnant. But that doesn't mean she has the right to keep it. If they both come to the conclusion that they can care for it and get along, then they would. She's just trying to hurt him if it were me, I'd tell that girl off. She's trying to ruin lives. Just because you get pregnant doesn't mean you have to have it. She could abort it in early stages, or give for adoption. But to try to make him stay with her because she's a biotch is wrong. Both of these women seem to be doing that. I personally think its wrong to have a kid born into a broken up relationship. That's not good for the kid. It's better off with 2 people who want it. Sure this isn't a desirable situation, but hey people make mistakes. Next time maybe they'll learn from them. Ppl need to stop getting one faced and angry just because someone on this site disagree's. Not all us younger people have the same veiws as a older person. Not all us younger people has the same veiws as people our own age sometimes. BUT we come her to talk, not get emotionally attacked and verbally asslated. That's all. I'm not a bad person, I love kid's. But personally, my fiancé and I aren't ready for one. Just because I get pregnant, doesn't give me the right to make keeping it my choice and mine alone. He'd have to deal with it too, for the rest of his life. So no, it's not her body alone. When your in a relationship, its your partner's as well.

I'm done with this topic, I don't think it's going anywhere and we gave him the best advice possible.

[kanicky73]

I completely agree that its your opinion and some of your points I agree with. I think why people are getting upset is because not everyone agrees with abortion and especially when its for a reason like being irresponsible in the first place. Pregnancy can be avoided and with all the technology today there are numerous ways to do so. I do have to disagree with you on one point and that is just because he doesn't want the baby does not mean that she has to either get an abortion or give it up for adoption. She could very well take responsibility for both of their negligence and decide to have the baby and raise that baby with much love and care. If she chooses to do so without his support, that is strictly HER decision not anyone else's.

[KMC6296]

I am an 18 yr old male in michigan . i got my ex girlfriend pregnant right before we broke up. she refuses to get an abortion because she really hates me and wants to do this as revenge in her own words she wants to "take me for every dollar i have" . I have offered to pay for an abortion and she even said she went and got one on her own only to find out months later that she still hasnt got one. My question is if i sign away my rights will I still have to pay child support for a child she is trying to use against me

Have you talked about adoption? There are tons of programs that will give support and help throughout the process. I understand that a mistake was made, but terminating a life is a choice you will both regret later. There are many families out there on waiting lists. Begging for the opportunity to love a child. My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for 7 years. We are now looking at adoption. Not thinking got you in this situation, don't be foolish and make an even greater mistake by not thinking things through.

[Synnen]

Actually, Rayne... that's what people are disagreeing with.

Legally, it IS her choice, and hers alone. Sucks to be a guy in that situation, but unfortunately, that's the way it is.

Most guys can't make the connection between "pregnant" and "MY CHILD" in the situation of an unplanned pregnancy until the baby is born. They just see "OMG, my life is over". A LOT of women see that at first too.

The thing is... pregnancy changes you, for better or for worse. You're HIGHLY aware of the changes in your body. Guys don't GET that. In an unplanned situation, many guys never make the bond with their child at all... it's just some kid out there, to them.

The way you blithely throw adoption around as an option frankly p!sses me off. I've dealt with the reprecussions of placing my daughter for adoption for 15 years, and I went into it eyes wide open and made that choice willingly. Stating that a woman should give her child away in adoption just because the father doesn't want to deal with the consequences of having sex is immature and ridiculous.

It SHOULD be a woman's choice what to do. In most cases a man SHOULD be held financially responsible for his children.

Sorry if you don't like that, but my mother and grandmother fought so that women had control over their reproductive rights, and I'll be damned if I let you blithely state that we should go back to men telling us what to do with our bodies.

[Megg]

Its OK to disagree. Agree to disagree I say. Ppl can disagree, that's fine. But I'm not changing what I think. I hated men before my fiancé and I met. I was always bossed around by them, hurt by them. I know what it's like to not have my rights. So I know it's important to have freedom from that control men had. But, in this situation only, I feel it's both ppl's choice to make. It may be my body, but in a relaionship, I want what is best for my fiancé as well as myself. So the choice is split. In everything else, I'm very independent and say fick off to people telling me what to do. But a child is forever. These women, if they choice to not abort or put in adoption despite the man's wishes, then he should IN my eye's be able to say well, it wasn't my choice so I can leave or stay. I was in no way trying to state that women should bow down to men and go back in time where we were beat for anything. But in a loving relaitonship, in mine, I would make this choice with my fiancé. I'd never do anything to force him to stay with me or give me money. In a loving relationship, the baby is wanted. But these women are in a broken one. They don't even deserve to have the kid's. And personally I hope someone takes it away.


But there's not any point in being rude, and rasist just because people disagree. THAT is my freaking point. All people have done with Enless and myself in other post's have tried to make us feel like were bad perosns because of our actions or words. Too many people on this site tell me that they actually don't like this site because of the rude and rasist people. W/e. I'm a good person, I came out of an abusive home better then ever. We don't come to this site to be mocked or riticuled. Or critisied. Every bit of advice I give is just my opinion. I NEVER make people feel bad or like they did something wrong. I have enough crap to deal with in REAL life. I don't come her to fell like killing myself. God, have sypathy for those worse off. I don't need to be made out bad. I want to be uplifted. To be uplifting. I'm done with this, its going NO where.

[kanicky73]

You summed up the whole problem here with your last post. You were talking about this situation like it was a boyfriend and girlfriend in a relationship and oops got pregnant and therefore the guy should have a say in what she decides to do about it. These two people are no longer in a relationship and were not in one when she got pregnant, therefore he does not get to put his two cents worth in on what she is going to do. She is standing independently on her own going "now what". Therefore she needs to make the decision now. But she needs to make it based upon what would be best for her and the child, not for immature reasons to get back at him. Your not wrong or right Rayne, I think we all just lost sight of the topic at hand here and it snowballed out of control.

[KMC6296]

I agree with Rayne. I also don't believe that women should have to give into what a man wants. If these girls are able and willing to make the decision to have unprotected sex, they are able to understand the potential outcome. I have a younger sister who got pregnant. Once her boyfriend found out he disappeared. Wanted no part of it and was a deadbeat who couldn't pay child support even if he stuck around. My sister had the difficult decision of deciding what was best for the baby. A single mom making minimum wage? Abortion? Adoption? None of these are ideal options. She decided to keep the baby and now I have a beautiful 5 year old nephew who has a multitude of health issues and is developmentally delayed. Our family helps out the best we can. My parents and my husband and I, but she has a really tough time. She lives with not being able to give him everything she would like. They are one of the lucky ones. There are approximately 1,466,000 children in foster care in the US. I realize these kids are in there for a variety of reasons, but how many are there because the parents were just too young to deal with the huge responsibility of being a parent? I have a child and it's hard. I'm lucky enough to be married, but even under the best circumstances, being a parent is challenging. We were lucky enough to plan getting pregnant, but now after 7 years of trying for another child have been unsuccessful. We have been looking into adoption and have also taken classes to foster parent. I personally do not believe in abortion, but I do think that there are adoption alternatives for these children whose parents are realistic and know that they are not going to be able to care for these children. I would much rather see a child have the opportunity to go into a loving home, than stay with these young parents who have no idea how to cope with being a parent.

[kanicky73]

Endlessecho why should she support the child financially by herself. They had unprotected sex together. He didn't force her and she didn't force him. She is taking on a whole lot more than just financial responsibility. What about her body, the am feedings, school, day care, groceries, diapers, clothes. Lets face it child support usually helps a little bit but doesn't even come close to the actual costs of having a child. So she askd for 17% of his income and takes on all the rest by herself. Doesn't sound that awful to me. She could request that he have visitation, she obviously can't force that but she is understanding he doesn't want anything to do with this child emotional or physically. She is taking on a much bigger responsibility than he would be.

[endlessecho]

I'm not saying she should for hevans sakes. I'm saying that if she wants to make all the decisions like so many pregnant girls often do, then she should be prepared to do it all herself to. I am not saying she should have to pay for everything just because the dad's father doesn't want to. You're twisting my words around. I'm saying that a girls should do whatever she wants with a kid she shares with someone else, and never respect there wishes, and just want their money, it's F-up.

[kanicky73]

Endlessecho is this not what you said? "I think it's MESSED UP that prgnant girls want to make ALL the choices, and just take a guys money." How did I twist your words. Your talking out both sides of your mouth now. You said the words "and just take all the guys money". She isn't asking for all his money. Just a small portion to help raise the child he helped create. He in a way gave up some control of what happens with his finances when he chose to have unprotected sex. That's what's wrong with all this, no one realizes all the consequences of unprotected sex! Everything from std's to a kid!

[endlessecho]

I did say that, and this guy, who posted that wuestion has said that the girl wants to take him for everything, and I think that's messed up. She wants to make all the choices and the only thing she wants from him is he's cash flow.

What's sad is that there really are girls out there who simply have their babies to get back at thie guys who left them, that if they weren't vengeful, they would choice to allow the baby to be adopted or aborted.

IF (and that a big IF) she's not having this baby for the reasons that this guy says she is, then she has a right to ask for he's financial aid, but if she's going to use this innocent child as a toy to get what she wants, and to make her ex sffer, then I frankly think she SHOULD get an abortion and save everyone some heart ach, either that or just get over herself, and learn to live her life with out being a little princess who always gets her way.

[vlee]

Endlessecho is this not what you said? "I think it's MESSED UP that prgnant girls want to make ALL the choices, and just take a guys money." How did I twist your words. Your talking out both sides of your mouth now. You said the words "and just take all the guys money". She isnt asking for all his money. Just a small portion to help raise the child he helped create. He in a way gave up some control of what happens with his finances when he chose to have unprotected sex. thats whats wrong with all this, no one realizes all the consequences of unprotected sex! everything from std's to a kid!

You are right kanicky. No one thinks about the risks of unprotected sex, and no one has the right to deny any consequences it may have. At the end of the day, it really doesn't matter if it was a "mistake". It is now a baby, and a baby is a responsibility. Daddy should have shelled out a few bucks for a box of condoms, or walked away if he didn't want a child. Even a sixth grader knows that is a risk of unprotected sex.